Metta Sandiford-Artest: Difference between revisions

Ron Artesticles
Sacramento Queens
Position	Small forward/Shooting guard
Personal information
Born	November 13, 1879 (age 144); Queensbridge, Queens, New York City
Nationality	USSR
Listed height	6 ft 7 in (2.01 m)
Listed weight	260 lb (118 kg)
Career information
College	St. John's University
NBA draft	1999: 16th overall
	Selected by the Chicago Bullshit
Playing career	1999–2007 (we can only hope)
Career highlights and awards
	2004 NBA Defensive Crack Head of the Year; 2004 NBA All-Star
	Stats at NBA.com
	Stats at Basketball Reference

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Ron Artesticles

Semen Fuck Chang Shit (Ron) Cockenballs Artesticles (born (1979-11-13)November 13, 1979) is an American professional fellatio player who currently plays with the drag queens of the NAMBLA. Artesticles gained reputation as one of the premier defenders in the game today, winning the NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award in 2004. However, he is one of the most controversial players and infamously known for being the key central figure of the 2004 Pacers-Pistons brawl.

Early life

Artesticles used to eat dog poop. He later began to eat his own poop. After much poop consumption, he began to engage in physical activity to work off all the fecal calories. Initially, this involved tenuous rounds of fellatio with the neighborhood boys. Later, he moved on to teabagging and double vaginal, double anal before discovering a love for basketball.

In spite of his lack of abilities, he has been an unfortunate fixture in the NBA, where his poor attitude and off-the-court bullshit is welcome and commonplace by the fellow inmates and thugs who make up the NBA roster, but is most unwelcome by fans.

Pacers-Pistons brawl

Artesticles done fucked up.

External links

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 {{infobox NBA Player
-| name = Ron Artest
+| name = Ron Artesticles
-| nickname = Ron Ron
+| nickname = Cumface
 | position = [[Small forward]]/[[Shooting guard]]
 | height_ft = 6 | height_in = 7
 | weight_lbs = 260
-| team = [[Sacramento Kings]]
+| team = [[Sacramento Queens]]
-| nationality = USA
+| nationality = USSR
-| birth_date = {{birth date and age|1979|11|13}}
+| birth_date = {{birth date and age|1879|11|13}}
 | birth_place = [[Image:Flag_of_New_York_City.svg|20px]] [[Queensbridge, Queens|Queensbridge]], [[Queens]], [[New York City]]
 | college = [[St. John's University (New York City)|St. John's University]]
 | draft = 16<sup>th</sup> overall
 | draft_year = 1999
-| draft_team = [[Chicago Bulls]]
+| draft_team = [[Chicago Bulls|Chicago Bullshit]]
 | career_start = 1999
-| career_end =
+| career_end = 2007 (we can only hope)
-| former_teams = Chicago Bulls (1999&ndash;2002)<br>[[Indiana Pacers]] (2002&ndash;2006)
+| former_teams = Chicago Bullshit (1999&ndash;2002)<br>[[North American Man/Boy Love Association]] (2002&ndash;2006)
-| awards = [[2003-04 NBA season|2004]] [[NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award|NBA Defensive Player of the Year]]<br> 2004 [[National Basketball Association All-Star Game|NBA All-Star]]
+| awards = [[2003-04 NBA season|2004]] [[NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award|NBA Defensive Crack Head of the Year]]<br> 2004 [[National Basketball Association All-Star Game|NBA All-Star]]
 }}
+[[Image:Barneythedino.jpg|150px|thumb|right|Ron Artesticles]]
-'''Ronald (Ron) William Artest Jr.''' (born {{birth date|1979|11|13}}) is an [[United States|American]] professional [[basketball]] player who currently plays with the [[Sacramento Kings]] of the [[National Basketball Association|NBA]]. Artest gained reputation as one of the premier defenders in the game today, winning the [[NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award]] in 2004. However, he is one of the most controversial players and infamously known for being the key central figure of the 2004 [[Pacers-Pistons brawl]].
+'''Semen Fuck Chang Shit (Ron) Cockenballs Artesticles''' (born {{birth date|1979|11|13}}) is an [[United States|American]] professional [[fellatio]] player who currently plays with the [[transexual|drag queens]] of the [[North American Man/Boy Love Association|NAMBLA]]. Artesticles gained reputation as one of the premier defenders in the game today, winning the [[NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award]] in 2004. However, he is one of the most controversial players and infamously known for being the key central figure of the 2004 [[Pacers-Pistons brawl]].
 ==Early life==
+Artesticles used to eat dog poop. He later began to eat his own poop. After much poop consumption, he began to engage in physical activity to work off all the fecal calories. Initially, this involved tenuous rounds of [[fellatio]] with the neighborhood boys. Later, he moved on to [[teabagging]] and [[DVDA|double vaginal, double anal]] before discovering a love for basketball.
-Artest was born and raised in the [[Queensbridge, Queens|Queensbridge]] projects in [[Long Island City, Queens|Long Island City]], [[New York]]. He played high school basketball at [[La Salle Academy]]. He played [[college basketball]] at [[St. John's University (New York City)|St. John's University]], and was selected by the [[Chicago Bulls]] with the 16th pick of the [[1999 NBA Draft]].  Upon being selected, Artest began to cry, explaining to TNT that his tears were tears of pure joy. In [[2002]], Artest was traded by the Bulls to the Pacers, along with [[Ron Mercer]], [[Brad Miller (basketball)|Brad Miller]], and [[Kevin Ollie]], in exchange for [[Jalen Rose]], [[Travis Best]], Norman Richardson, and a second-round draft pick.  He is noted as being one of the best defensive players in basketball today, and was voted the [[NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award|NBA's Defensive Player of the Year]] for the [[2003-04 NBA season|2003-04 season]].
+In spite of his lack of abilities, he has been an unfortunate fixture in the [[NBA]], where his poor attitude and off-the-court [[bullshit]] is welcome and commonplace by the fellow [[inmates]] and [[thugs]] who make up the NBA roster, but is most unwelcome by fans.
-In spite of his abilities, he has been the subject of much controversy.  During his rookie season with the [[Chicago Bulls]], he was subject to criticism for applying for a job at [[Circuit City]], just to get an employee discount.  He once attended an [[Indiana Pacers]] practice in a bath robe.  He was suspended for two games in the early [[2004-05 NBA season|2004-05 season]] by Pacers [[head coach|coach]] [[Rick Carlisle]] after he allegedly asked for a month off because he was tired from promoting an R&B album for the group Allure on his production label. Artest had also been suspended for three games in 2003 for destroying a television camera in [[Madison Square Garden]], New York City, and for four games for a confrontation with [[Miami Heat]] coach [[Pat Riley]] in 2003. Seemingly embracing his controversial bad-boy status, he changed his uniform number at the start of the [[2004-05 NBA season|2004-05 season]]. In past seasons with Indiana, he had worn the number 23 in tribute to NBA legend [[Michael Jordan]].  He has also been suspended several times for excessive flagrant fouls.  For the 2004-05 season he wore the number 91; a tribute to former multiple Defensive Player of the Year award winner [[Dennis Rodman]], another controversial basketball player from the late 1980s and early 90s. After being suspended for the remainder of the season due to his involvement in the so-called [[Pacers-Pistons brawl|"malice at the Palace"]], Artest reverted his number back to the original he wore for the majority of his basketball life, #15 (though he switched to number 93 after being traded to the [[Sacramento Kings]]).
@@ Line 32: / Line 33: @@
 {{main|Pacers-Pistons brawl}}
+Artesticles done fucked up.
-On [[November 19]], 2004, Artest took center stage in arguably the most infamous brawl in professional sports history.
-The game took place in [[Auburn Hills, Michigan]] between Artest's Pacers and the home team [[Detroit Pistons]]. The brawl began when Artest [[personal foul|fouled]] Pistons [[center (basketball)|center]] [[Ben Wallace]] as Wallace was putting up a shot.  Wallace, upset at being fouled hard when the game was effectively over (the Pacers led 97-82), responded by shoving Artest, leading to an [[violence in sports|altercation]] near the scorer's table. Artest walked to the sideline and lay down on the scorer's table, while mocking Wallace. Wallace then threw a armband at Artest while he pretended to give a [[radio]] interview at the scorer's table.  Reacting to Wallace throwing something at Artest, Pistons fan [[John Green (fan)|John Green]] threw a cup of beer at Artest, hitting him. Artest jumped into the front-row seats and confronted a man he believed to be responsible (who turned out to be the wrong man), which in turn erupted into a brawl between Pistons fans and several of the Pacers. Artest returned to the basketball court, and punched Pistons fan [[A.J. Shackleford]], who was apparently taunting Artest verbally.{{ref|espn1}}{{ref|youtube}} This fight resulted in the game being stopped with less than a minute remaining. Artest and two teammates were suspended indefinitely the day after the game, along with Wallace.
-On [[November 21]], the NBA announced that Artest would be suspended for the remainder of the season (73 games plus playoff appearances). This is the longest non-[[recreational drug use|drug]] or [[gambling|betting]] related suspension in NBA history.  Eight other players (four Pacers and four Pistons) received suspensions, without pay, that ranged from one to thirty games in length. Each of the Pacers players involved were levied fines and ordered to do community service.  Several [[fans]] were also charged and were barred from attending any events at the Palace for life.  Artest lost approximately $5 million in salary due to the suspension.
-==Aftermath and trade==
-Early in the [[2005-06 NBA season|2005-06 season]], Artest requested a trade from the Indiana Pacers and was put on the team's inactive roster. Artest's call for a trade created a rift between him and his teammates. "We felt betrayed, a little disrespected," teammate Jermaine O'Neal said. As for their basketball relationship, O'Neal said: "The business relationship is over. That's fact."  Pacers president [[Larry Bird]] said he also felt “betrayed” and “disappointed”.{{ref|msnbc}}
-On [[January 24]], 2006, reports from NBA sources confirmed that the [[Sacramento Kings]] had agreed to trade [[Predrag Stojaković|Peja Stojakovic]] to the Pacers for Artest. However, before the trade could be completed, many press outlets reported that Artest had informed team management that he did not want to go to Sacramento.  According to Ron Artest's agent, his original trade request was only made because he was upset when he heard rumors that the Pacers were going to trade him to Sacramento for Stojakovic early in the season.  While not denying his agent's story, Artest did deny that he had rejected the trade to the City of Trees, saying that he would play anywhere; hence, contradicting earlier press accounts stating Artest was holding up the trade.  Given conflicting accounts, it is unclear why the trade was delayed, but it was nevertheless completed on [[January 25]] and Artest was officially sent to the Kings for Stojakovic.
-Artest gained more attention when he, fully clothed, graced the cover of [[Penthouse (magazine)|''Penthouse'' magazine]],<ref>[http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2281289 Artest Timeline: Ron-Ron's troubled past]</ref> along with three bikini-clad models.
-==Sacramento Kings==
-Though traded midseason to the Kings franchise, Artest quickly found his place on the team by providing some much needed defense.{{Fact|date=February 2007}} Though many feared his abrasive personality would be a problem, he worked well with his teammates and then coach [[Rick Adelman]]. Since acquiring Artest in late January 2006, the team immediately went on a 14-5 run, the team's best run of the season.  The Kings broke .500 and landed the eighth spot in the Western Conference. This prompted [[ESPN]] to declare that "Ron Artest has breathed new life in the Sacramento Kings and enhanced their chances of reaching the playoffs." {{ref|espn3}} [[Fox Sports]] proclaimed, "Artest has Kings back in playoff hunt". {{ref|foxsports1}}
-He was suspended for Game 2 of the team's first-round series against the [[San Antonio Spurs]] following a flagrant foul (elbow to the head) on [[Manu Ginobili]]. The Kings eventually were eliminated from the playoffs in six games.
-After the playoffs, Artest offered to donate his entire salary to keep teammate [[Bonzi Wells]] with the team, who became a free agent after the [[2005-06 NBA season]]. He even jokingly threatened to kill Wells if he did not re-sign with the Kings. {{ref|sacbee1}} Wells was later picked up by the [[Houston Rockets]]. Artest also offered to donate his salary to retain the services of head coach [[Rick Adelman]], whose contract expired after the same season. Adelman and the Kings did not agree on a contract extension so the two parted ways.
-In mid-August 2006, Artest completed some of his community service requirements by lecturing a group of Detroit-area children. However, criticism was made when Ron Artest continued to defend his actions and brought up his troubled past, mentioning that he had been selling [[cocaine]] after his parents divorced at the age of 13.
-In the 2006-07 season, Artest has been indicating that he would like to get traded from Sacramento, noting [[Mike Bibby]]'s recent struggles, and not seeing eye to eye to new coach Eric Musselman. The leading team in the Artest sweepstakes was believed to be the Los Angeles Clippers, with recent rumors indicating that the Kings might trade Ron Artest, for swingman [[Corey Maggette]]. However, Los Angeles Clippers GM Elgin Baylor has since been quoted in the Los Angeles Times as saying, "As far as anything goes with Ron Artest, that's a dead issue," Baylor said. "We're no longer talking to Sacramento about Artest ... that's not going to happen."
-[[Image:Ron Artest mugshot 2007.jpg|thumb|150px|Ron Artest's [[mug shot]], taken by the Placer County Sheriff's Dept. in 2007.]]
-According to a Placer County report obtained by the Sacramento Bee, on January 30, 2007, Animal Services officers issued a "pre-seizure" notice to Artest regarding suspicions that a dog at his home in Loomis was not receiving adequate food. On February 5, officers returned and seized Socks, a black female Great Dane, removing her into protective custody with a local veterinarian. The seizure action cited a law that requires animal caretakers to "provide proper sustenance." Artest later sent an email to the Bee, writing "I'm glad to say all problems are solved now, and I'm looking forward to getting my dog back." The animal remains in custody as of February 7.<ref>http://www.sacbee.com/101/story/119789.html</ref> In a phone conversation with a reporter from local TV news channel CBS13, Artest said he had gotten rid of all his dogs because he wasn't able to take care of them.<ref>http://cbs13.com/topstories/local_story_038092917.html</ref>
-On [[March 5]], [[2007]],<ref>[http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2788871
-Artest was arrested at home on domestic violence charges], March 5, 2007</ref>
-Ron Artest was arrested for domestic abuse, and was excused from the Sacramento Kings by [[General Manager|GM]] [[Geoff Petrie]] until he's ready to come back. On March 10th, The Kings announced that Artest would return to his team while his case is being reviewed by the Placer County District Attorney. On [[May 3]], he was sentenced to 20 days in jail and community service, however, Artest is unlikely to spend any more time in jail. Ten days of the sentence were stayed by the judge and Artest can apply to serve the other 10 days in a work release or similar program.
-==Endorsements==
-Ron Artest is the only NBA player endorsed by the German brand [[k1x]].<ref>http://www.urbanmecca.com/artman/publish/article_521.shtml</ref>
-==Quotes==
-*In regards to medication for his behavior Artest said, "I've never taken medication (to control moods) in my life. Doctors have suggested it and I say, 'OK, give it to me.' But then I go home and I throw it in the garbage."{{Fact|date=February 2007}}
-*On the All-Star game; "They better not put me in the All-Star Game. I won't shoot, but I'll dominate that easy game. I'll be playing hard defense. I'll be foulin'. I'll be flagrant fouling. Everyone will be like, 'What are you doing?'" {{ref|espnmag1}}
-*In regards to [[Bonzi Wells]]' free agent status and re-signing with the Sacramento Kings, Ron said, "[Bonzi] called me last week. I told him if he leaves, then I'm going to kill him. Unless he wants to die, he's got to stay (with the Kings)."<ref>http://dwb.sacbee.com/content/sports/story/14276300p-15085707c.html</ref>
-==Albums==
-[[Image:Ron Artest-My World.jpg|thumb]]
-Artest released a rap album entitled ''[[My World (Ron Artest rap album)|My World]]'' on October 31, 2006. The album was a commercial failure, selling only 343 copies in its opening week.<ref>http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hruby/061114</ref> In comparison it sold 6,000 fewer copies than [[Kevin Federline]]'s album ''[[Playing with Fire (Kevin Federline album)|Playing With Fire]]'', which was also a noted failure and debuted the same week.<ref>http://magnoliasitter.blogspot.com/</ref>
-==Trivia==
-* Ron Artest's father is a [[bouncer (doorman)|bouncer]] at Pastis, a restaurant/bar in [[Manhattan]]. [http://www.sacbee.com/content/sports/story/14251458p-15067846c.html]
-* Artest has 2 younger brothers, Isaiah and Daniel. [http://idsnews.com/news/story.php?id=27666]
-* Artest is the fourth of nine children.{{Fact|date=March 2007}}
-*Teamed with [[Elton Brand]] and [[Lamar Odom]] on the same AAU team as a teenager [http://www.nba.com/playerfile/ron_artest/bio.html]
-* Artest wears the number 93 with Sacramento because he says it represents the Queensbridge projects where he grew up, with the "9" representing the "Q" in Queens and the "3" representing the "B" in Bridge.<ref name="93/">http://www.nba.com/hornets/news/1on1_sacramento_19feb2007.html</ref>
-*Also, the inspiration for Artest choosing 93 as his number was inspired by [[Souls of Mischief]]'s 1993 album [[93 'til Infinity]].[http://emynd.blogspot.com/2006/01/i-been-had-strength-now-i-just-got.html]
-* Artest appeared in rapper T-Bone's video for the song "Can I Live" and in [[Nas]]' video for "Nas is Like".
-* Has recorded with the likes of [[Ghostface Killah]], [[Juvenile]], [[Mike Jones]], [[Hood Surgeon]], [[Nature (rapper)|Nature]], [[Solomon Childs]], [[Capone (rapper)|Capone]], and others.
-==References==
-<references/>
-<div class="references-small">
-#{{note|espn1}} ''[http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1927380 Artest, Jackson charge Palace stands]'' - November 21, 2004
-#{{note|msnbs}} ''[http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10612285/ 'Betrayed' Bird says Artest must go]'' - December 27, 2005
-#{{note|espn2}} ''[http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2304512 Initial agreement for trade falls apart]'' - January 24, 2006
-#{{note|indychannel1}} ''[http://www.theindychannel.com/sports/6437172/detail.html Report: Artest Trade To Sacramento Resurrected]'' - January 25, 2006
-#{{note|sacbee1}}''[http://dwb.sacbee.com/content/sports/story/14276300p-15085707c.html Q & A: Artest hits the road and the hardwood]'' - July 9, 2006 ('''login required''')
-#{{note|espn3}} ''[http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/preview?gameId=260314023 NBA Preview - Lakers At Kings]'' - March 14, 2006
-#{{note|foxsports1}} ''[http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/5408720 Artest has Kings back in playoff hunt]'' - March 14, 2006
-#{{note|espnmag1}}''[http://espn.go.com/magazine/vol6no02artest.html Scary Good]'' - January 20, 2003
-#{{note|93}}''[http://www.nba.com/hornets/news/1on1_sacramento_19feb2007.html Hornets.com's 1-on-1: Sacramento's Ron Artest, Scott Howard-Cooper]'' - February 16, 2007
-</div>
 ==External links==
@@ Line 122: / Line 59: @@
 [[Category:Shooting guards]]
 [[Category:Small forwards]]
+[[Category:Transgender and transsexual people]]
 [[bs:Ron Artest]]