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James Goss

“[The Doctor] pulled the thing out of Prince Boris's mouth, waving it around. 'Oh. Blimey. This is not a spatula. What is it?'
I [Amy] stared at the stubby thing. It looked like the world's chunkiest novelty gift pen... I coughed. 'That, Doctor, is the sonic screwdriver.'
'Ah,' Dr Smith boggled. 'Right. Is it? Oh dear.' Another pause. 'What does it do?'
'Well... it screws things... sonically. On a good day, we fight off monsters with it.'
'Monsters, eh?' Dr Smith nodded gravely and... pointed it at the doorway like a gun and said, hopefully, 'Pew! Pew! Pew!' He turned back to me. 'Like that?'
'Other way up,' I said gently.”

James Goss, Doctor Who: Dead of Winter
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Doctor Who: Dead of Winter Doctor Who: Dead of Winter by James Goss
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