Talk:Storming Home

NPOV

The article needs extensive editing to address and remove adjectives (descriptives) within the content that are wholly based on opinion, rather than from a neutral position, based on facts. A couple of specifics include the following (not inclusive):

Although highly-talented, he had a quirky and sometimes difficult temperament and often raced in some form of headgear to help his concentration.
He [i.e., the horse] clearly relished his new environment, and enjoyed his most successful season.
The desperately close call for second indicated that the Stewards had to conclude that the interference caused had affected the result and Storming Home was disqualified, despite being clearly the best horse on the day.

Cind.amuse (Cindy) 14:02, 26 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for drawing this to my attention. I will try to improve the article. I thought that the opinions in the first and third bullets were covered by the references. I certainly won't start any new articles till I have got to grips with this issue.Tigerboy1966 (talk) 18:49, 27 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

When writing for an encyclopedia, it is important to write from a somewhat distant or disinterested position. We need to remove the opinion from the article entirely, regardless of whether or not the opinion is based on, covered by, or supported by references. Only present facts, and allow the reader to make their own summation or opinion about the topic. "highly talented", "quirky", "difficult", "desperately close", "indicated", "had to", "clearly the best horse on the day". Disregarding the second bullet, these words and phrases used are wholly based on opinion. "Highly talented"... according to whom? What standards were used to determine "highly talented"? "Quirky"? What does quirky look like? or "difficult"? All in all, the article reads more like a newspaper or magazine opinion piece. Hope this helps. If you have questions or want me to jump in with some edits, let me know. Best regards, Cind.amuse (Cindy) 02:23, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Problematic terms removed. Citations added where requested. Tigerboy1966 (talk) 09:19, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I am working through the other articles I have recently written, taking out the more "purple" phrases. For example replacing "extracted his revenge", with "reversed the form" in the David Junior article. And generally trying to sound less like a journalist.Tigerboy1966 (talk) 22:43, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Upgrade

Rewritten from scratch. Improved everything. Removed tags. Moved to C. Tigerboy1966 (talk) 15:46, 8 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]