Kelly Griffin asked Cheryl Strayed:

Cheryl - firstly, thank you! And secondly, I was wondering if you ever struggle balancing the needs of your family and your own need for solitude, silence, and time to think? I have a husband and two young toddlers, and sometimes I feel like taking the time and space I need to be happy results in them being unhappy.

Cheryl Strayed Oh my goodness, Kelly, yes! I so relate to your question. I've decided to not even try to apply the word "balance" to my life. There is no balance! I don't aspire to it anymore. I aspire to do the best I can do in every realm and forgive myself when I fail at doing well. You are in the very thick of it right now, with two toddlers. My kids were toddlers when I wrote WILD and honestly I have no idea how I did it. I look back and it's a blur. I wrote when they napped. I wrote after they went to bed (and I made SURE they were in bed by 7:30 every night). I wrote a few days a week for a few hours at a time when they went to nursery school or they had a sitter. But I always felt stretched and tired and like I wasn't doing enough as either a writer or a mom. So you have my sympathy.

My advice? Find time to meet your own needs, even if you can only meet them a little bit. No one will be happy if you are miserable. You can be a great mom and still take time away from your children. There are all sorts of ways to do this but the FIRST way is to decide it must be done. Once you make yourself part of the equation, you will find a way to make it happen. My kids are 10 and 11 now and they are far more independent these days. They still need me lots but it gets easier to complete a thought. So hang on. Do your best. You'll all be better for it.

Best,

Cheryl

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