Child Trauma Quotes

“Childhood trauma does not come in one single package.”
― Asa Don Brown

“What cannot be communicated to the [m]other cannot be communicated to the self.”
― John Bowlby

“Eighty two percent of the traumatized children seen in the National Child Traumatic Stress Network do not meet diagnostic criteria for PTSD.15 Because they often are shut down, suspicious, or aggressive they now receive pseudoscientific diagnoses such as “oppositional defiant disorder,” meaning “This kid hates my guts and won’t do anything I tell him to do,” or “disruptive mood dysregulation disorder,” meaning he has temper tantrums. Having as many problems as they do, these kids accumulate numerous diagnoses over time. Before they reach their twenties, many patients have been given four, five, six, or more of these impressive but meaningless labels. If they receive treatment at all, they get whatever is being promulgated as the method of management du jour: medications, behavioral modification, or exposure therapy. These rarely work and often cause more damage.”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

“The initial trauma of a young child may go underground but it will return to haunt us.”
― James Garbarino

“While reliving trauma is dramatic, frightening, and potentially self-destructive, over time a lack of presence can be even more damaging. This is a particular problem with traumatized children. The acting-out kids tend to get attention; the blanked-out ones don’t bother anybody and are left to lose their future bit by bit.”
― Bessel Van Der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score / Trauma and Recovery / Hidden Healing Powers

“a poor friendless child, apparently ten years old; but she seemed hunger bitten; and sufferings of that sort often make children look older than they are.”
― Thomas de Quincey

“The reason for entering the struggle is a desire for more; a taste of what life and love could be if freed from the dark memories and deep shame. No one leaves the lethargy of denial unless there is a spark of discontent that pierces the darkness of daily numbness. To live significantly less than what one was made to be is as severe a betrayal of the soul as the original abuse.”
― Dan B. Allender, The Wounded Heart

“While the children of the rest of the world were
reading the history of World War I and II, the children
of Ukraine were being made the victims of their next
history lessons”
― Dr. Nitin Chopra, The Life of Tolka

“It seems many people operate on the principle that whatever happened to them is not abuse, but if it had happened to someone else, or if it had been a bit more extreme, then it would have been abusive.”
― Dan B. Allender, The Wounded Heart

“Her smile was brittle. "Well, I know Kieran's achieving something if someone like you is willing to be in a relationship with him."
"Someone like me?"
She gestured to me from head to toe. "Respectable. Elegantly dressed, if a little flamboyant with color. Beautiful manners, well-spoken. Clearly you listened to your parents when they told you how to behave."
I choked back a snort at the thought of my biological father being Mr. Manners. The sheer audacity of it.
"Kieran probably hasn't told you about all the times we had to get him out of trouble," she continued.
I blinked, confused. "No."
She ticked off on her fingers as she spoke. "He skipped classes, he stole money out of my wallet, he crashed our cars more than once. Not to mention the drinking, my God. He couldn't hold his liquor at all. We were so ashamed."
I held back my eye roll. It was like having a conversation with a steamroller. As she continued to list Kieran's crimes, I realized that she relished this monologue, all the ways he'd done them wrong. Like she never wanted him to grow up because then she'd have to stop being a martyr.
"But anyway, that's all in the past. Finally, he's become who we always wanted him to be, and we can hold our heads up."
The thought of being a source of pride to these snobby, plastic people made me want to drink ten flutes of prosecco, climb onto their dining room table, and do Amy Winehouse karaoke, Diane's advice about polish and presentation be damned. But all I needed to shock them was the truth.
"I haven't seen my father in over twenty years," I began. "As far as I know he's still the lead singer of the second-best hair metal band in Spokane. My mother's salary was for keeping herself in clothes and boyfriends. Sometimes I had to break into my piggy bank so that I could by Cup O' Noodles at 7-Eleven for my brother and me. I've made a good life in spite of my parents, not because of them. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with your son. I knew he was a survivor, too. But thank you for the compliments. Now, if you'll excuse me.”
― Sarah Chamberlain, The Slowest Burn