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Talk:Callie Torres/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: M.Mario (talk · contribs) 18:47, 30 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Points

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Disambig, Refs & External

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Infobx

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  • Only put "Callie Torres" at the top of the infobox, not her long name which is barely mentioned.
  • I wouldnt really call "Callie" as an "alias".

Lead

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  • "and is portrayed by actress Sara Ramírez" -> obvious she is an actress, not needed.
  • "with a love interest in intern George O'Malley (T.R. Knight)" -> as a love interest for intern George O'Malley (T.R. Knight).
  • "Eventually named an attending orthopedic surgeon" -> Eventually becoming an attending orthopedic surgeon.
  • "originally contracted to appear as a recurring character" -> originally contracted to appear on a recurring basis.
  • "but received star billing in the third season" -> Link star billing to Billing (filmmaking)#Main billing
  • "but received star billing in the third season" -> Link "third season" to Grey's Anatomy (season 3).
  • "The fictional character was initially conceived as a love interest" -> Wierd phrase. Maybe; Callie was initially conceived as a love interest..."
  • "being disliked by the hospital's residents" -> and was created to be disliked by her colleagues?
  • "which leads to the birth of their child, Sofia" -> Huh? How? Was it an affair? Make clearer.
  • "Hahn as well as Robbins, was praised among critics" -> Hahn and Robbins, was praised among critics.

Plot

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Why are your reffering to characters by their surnames?

Please read WP:SURNAME; after you mention a character's name, you use their surname thereafter. TRLIJC19 (talk) 20:18, 1 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is definitely an inconsistency with using last name usage or first name on fictional articles. I looked through some featured character/episode articles to try to see what the standard is, but as I said; it is inconsistent. For example, Jack Sparrow primarily refers to the character by last name throughout the article, whereas Jason Voorhees uses first name usage. Martin Keamy, House (TV series) and Pilot (House) also use last names, after first mention. The Simpsons uses first names, but probably because most main characters hold the same last name. TRLIJC19 (talk) 20:21, 2 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Callie Torres is introduced as an orthopedic surgeon with a crush on intern George O'Malley (T.R. Knight)" -> Just use Callie here, already introduced her.
  • "They begin dating, and he becomes uncomfortable with the rate at which their relationship is progressing, so Torres moves into a hotel" -> The two start a relationship and Callie moves in to George's house/flat/apartment. Uneased at the way their relationship is progressing, he confronts her, which results in Callie moving into a hotel.
  • "In the aftermath of the breakup, she meets and has a one-night-stand with plastic surgeon Mark Sloan (Eric Dane), who becomes her friend" -> In the aftermath of the breakup, she meets and has a one-night-stand with plastic surgeon Mark Sloan (Eric Dane), who she later become friends with, due to this.
  • on the spur of the moment" -> I am not sure about this, but cannot think of alternative.
  • "Torres and O'Malley reconcile, but she remains unaware of his sexual encounter." -> repition of previous line
  • "Though her personal life is troubled, Torres thrives professionally when she is appointed as the hospital's Chief Resident" -> Although she is upset from the breakup, Torres is appointed the hospital's chief resident -> no opinons.
  • "pediatric surgeon Arizona Robbins (Jessica Capshaw), kisses her" -> Short sentence -> pediatric surgeon Arizona Robbins (Jessica Capshaw), kisses her, which results in the two starting a relationship.
  • though their relationship is tested when Torres comes out to her father, Carlos. He is unsupportive, and cuts her off financially and emotionally" -> Per previous point, -> Their relationship is tested when Torres comes out to her father, Carlos, who disowns her, cutting her off both financially and emotionally.
  • "and when the two hospitals merge" -> Why?
  • "but ultimately he is able to accept her" -> but ultimately accepts her sexuality.
  • "When Torres explains her desire to bear children" -> When Callie reinstates her desire to have children.
  • "a disgruntled Torres agrees to move there with her" -> No opinions.
  • "A heartbroken Torres moves in with Sloan, and they have a one-night stand" -> "A heartbroken Torres moves in with Sloan, and they once again have a one-night stand.
  • "Torres is subsequently mended, and agrees to marry Robbins" -> Callie survives, and agrees to marry Arizona.
  • "mother's attitude toward the wedding and her granddaughter in "White Wedding" -> Need actress of her mother here, and first mention of an episode in the plot- remove.
  • "and Robbins marry in a garden after the minister's wife is laid up at the hospital and general surgeon Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson), officiates the ceremony." -> and Arizona marry in a garden after the minister's wife falls ill, with general surgeon Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson), officiating the ceremony.
    • Comment: First of all, the surname after first mention is a part of the MOS; linked above. You are being very picky about prose, and asking me to do things against MOS, when there is nothing wrong with it. It satisfies criterion 1A and B, and you are just asking me change sentences, to have them read as you personally desire. I've addressed several valid prose issues but some are just outright ridiculous. TRLIJC19 (talk) 20:18, 1 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well I do apologize if you feel I was being too picky. I was just pointing out parts which I felt as a reader, were not the best wrote. (I guess it opinions). Anyway, the rest of the article looks very good, so there wont be near enough comments being made! — M.Mario (T/C) 20:29, 1 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry I came off as rude (tough day). TRLIJC19 (talk) 20:31, 1 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No you didnt, I think its good that sometimes the nominators say they do not like something, as normally at GA's the reviewers control them ;) I will get on with the rest of the review tommorow. — M.Mario (T/C) 20:33, 1 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, thanks for reviewing! TRLIJC19 (talk) 20:34, 1 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Development

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  • Im not sure about the quote in the box; its not really very informative, it just tells the reader how she has to make an effort to mkae friends with her castmates. I would maybe swap that with the other quote (with the purple punctuation marks) a this gives the reader a bit more information than the previous.
  • "having been conceived as a love interest for George O'Malley" -> having been conceived as a love interest for George O'Malley (Knight) - this allows the reader to remember the actor, as he is mentioned in the first line of the Plot.
  • "alongside fellow cast member, Eric Dane (Mark Sloan)" -> alongside fellow cast member Dane, who plays Mark Sloan -> like previous line.
  • None of "Characterization" is actually characterization, change to "Storyline Development" or; "Relationship with Erica Hahn" and "Relationship with Arizonna Robbins".
    •  Not done, All Grey's Anatomy characters pages are standardized, and 'characterization' is what is used. Characterization is synonymous with 'personality'. Relationships are a branch of personality. TRLIJC19 (talk) 18:52, 3 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "due to her getting in the way of O'Malley and Grey's relationship" -> You need to link Meredith Grey and add actress name, as you have not mentioned her before.
  • "The end of the show's fourth season saw Torres grow closer to cardiothoracic surgeon Erica Hahn" -> Link fourth season.
  • ""Callica" by Entertainment Weekly" -> Entertainment Weekly did not say this, a author from Entertainment Weekly did. This also needs to be fixed for all other mentions to newspapers or online websites.
  • "GLAAD on Torres' bisexual storyline" -> link and do not put into abbreviations, as you have not mentioned in yet.
  • "In the show's fifth season, Torres embarked on a relationship with Arizona Robbins" -> Link fifth season and put Arizona Robbins (Capshaw)
  • "The relationship between the two is referred to by the portmanteau "Calzona"" -> Isnt Callica a portmanteau too? That means you need to link portmanteau up there, and unlink in this sentence.
  • "to that between the show's primary couple Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd" -> Add actor of Derek, only Grey is needed now.
  • "The couple ultimately decided to begin a relationship, however, the two experienced difficulties, but eventually reunited" -> The couple ultimately decided to begin a relationship, however, the two experience difficulties, but eventually reunite - Tense Issues.
  • "Rhimes has mentioned of their relationship in the sixth season" -> Link sixth season
  • The image does not reflect the whole article, as this actor has not been mentioned before. I would think it would be better for readers to have a image of Rhimes or Ramirez. I think you should use an image of Ramirez, using the final line of the development section as the caption. — M.Mario (T/C) 17:21, 3 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well what you are doing at the moment is by saying AfterEllen said this, your personifying the website. Try to avoid this, and say (so and so from AfterEllen said....) — M.Mario (T/C) 19:26, 3 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
 Done TRLIJC19 (talk) 05:18, 4 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

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  • Unlink Greys Anatomy.
  • "Commenting on Hahn's abrupt departure from the show, Dorothy Snarker, writing for LGBT website" -> Where is the comment?
    • It reads: "Commenting on Hahn's abrupt departure from the show, Dorothy Snarker, writing for LGBT website, AfterEllen.com, observed of Torres and Robbin's relationship: [...]". The sentence is saying Snarker of the LGBT website (AfterEllen.com) observed... Get it? TRLIJC19 (talk) 05:22, 4 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and referred to her performance in "Grace" as "beautiful" -> and referred to her performance of Kate Havnevik's "Grace" as "beautiful""

Criteria

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  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
    Finish points on Reception and personification of websites, then complete.
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
    This article makes use of a wide range of academic sources.
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
    There was a few, however all IP' have been warned or blocked.
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
Congrats! You have achieved GA status. — M.Mario (T/C) 21:16, 4 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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