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Finding Delaware
𝘖𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬, 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥...
Taylor
Only two things matter to me in this shitty freestyle motocross and my best friend.
They’re my only escape from my father’s fists, but one slip in junior high almost changed everything. I confessed a secret to a beautiful boy, and I’ve been punishing him—and myself—ever since.
I can’t have Huckslee the way I want, so I take from him in the only way I can—with violence. When my mother wants back into my life, and I’m forced to move in with the object of my obsession, the lines between hate and desire begin to blur. I’m not sure we’ll survive each other.
Huckslee
High school is hell when your worst enemy knows your darkest secret.
To everyone else, I’m the perfect swim team captain, football running back, and the Bishop’s golden boy. But beneath the surface, I’m hiding desires only one person knows—my bully, my tormentor, my crush. And starting tomorrow, my new stepbrother.
Taylor has wielded my secret like a weapon for years, making my life a nightmare. Now, he’ll be living right down the hall. Each encounter with him cracks my facade a little more. How long can I wear this mask before it shatters completely?
Finding Delaware is a full-length enemies-to-lovers MM stepbrother romance containing themes and situations not intended for readers under the age of 18. Both characters are consenting adults. This story features two broken boys, found family, slowburn to spice and a guaranteed HEA.
Taylor
Only two things matter to me in this shitty freestyle motocross and my best friend.
They’re my only escape from my father’s fists, but one slip in junior high almost changed everything. I confessed a secret to a beautiful boy, and I’ve been punishing him—and myself—ever since.
I can’t have Huckslee the way I want, so I take from him in the only way I can—with violence. When my mother wants back into my life, and I’m forced to move in with the object of my obsession, the lines between hate and desire begin to blur. I’m not sure we’ll survive each other.
Huckslee
High school is hell when your worst enemy knows your darkest secret.
To everyone else, I’m the perfect swim team captain, football running back, and the Bishop’s golden boy. But beneath the surface, I’m hiding desires only one person knows—my bully, my tormentor, my crush. And starting tomorrow, my new stepbrother.
Taylor has wielded my secret like a weapon for years, making my life a nightmare. Now, he’ll be living right down the hall. Each encounter with him cracks my facade a little more. How long can I wear this mask before it shatters completely?
Finding Delaware is a full-length enemies-to-lovers MM stepbrother romance containing themes and situations not intended for readers under the age of 18. Both characters are consenting adults. This story features two broken boys, found family, slowburn to spice and a guaranteed HEA.
684 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 21, 2024
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October 30, 2024
MM Romance
Stepbrothers
2.5 Stars ⭐️
I think when most people see a book is over 600 pages they run in the opposite direction but when I see it and then see that the tropes are coming of age, right person wrong time and second chances with a lot of angst? I’m going to pick that book up so fast. Every single time. And then to see arc reviewers comparing this to Wrath, Will&Way and Garron Park?? How could I even resist? I can’t and I couldn’t and when I saw it released, you bet I dropped everything I was reading and listening to and picked it up. But I wish I would have waited to see reviews that weren’t just arc reviews because while part 1 hooked me, parts 2-3 killed any enthusiasm I had towards the characters and it was a struggle to finish. I’m sorry to anyone I told to read this when I was at 22% 😭🫶🏻
So this is a debut and I think for a debut it was better than most I’ve been picking up lately because there weren’t typos and the writing style itself was rather addictive for awhile however this book had a lot of structuring issues and there was a lot of things happening off page that were then summarized in the POVs that really affected how connected I felt to the characters. There are 3 parts and part 3 felt like it was written by a completely different author and is the reason I’m rating this book so low but the issues for me started in part 2 when all the angst from part 1 abruptly stopped and really important events weren’t happening on page. There was a 4 year time jump from part 1 to 2 so when part 2 starts, all of the trauma from part 1 felt swept under the rug especially because the person causing most of the problems in part 1, Taylor, had gone to therapy and gotten his life together off page and the summaries I got from his POV were not enough for me and I wanted to see something in real time even if it was through a diary entry or a therapy appointment. A lot fucking happened in those 4 years for none of it to be on page. And as I kept reading I noticed that this was a pattern whenever something big happened, that the follow up to it would be summarized in the next chapter and we’d be like 3 weeks out from when the event happened. This choice made me feel very disconnected from everything going on and is ultimately why I checked out around 70% which appears to be my time of death curse in most books lately and I found this book such a chore to finish. It didn’t help that a lot of the storylines were never fully wrapped up or even mentioned again and some of them were huge plot points!!
My biggest issue with this book though is that I never felt a connection between Huckslee and Taylor even though they both liked to tell me in their summarized POVs how they were each other’s first loves in high school 👀 (they weren’t imo, they weren’t even friends) or how hot they thought the other was (signs of a long lasting bond 🙄) or how they’ve loved each other for years (riiiight…) but then on page there were no moments between them that made me feel these sentiments especially in part 2. And I needed something, anything that made me feel like they were endgame but I just couldn’t get there and because this book has a strong found family vibe, I ended up connecting more with the friend group than I did with either main character. I cared more about the friend’s relationships than I did about Taylor or Huckslee and if they ever figured their shit out which took wayyy too long imo. But I still had hopes in part 2 that part 3 was going to give me moments between the two of them they deserved and that we as readers deserved for all the other glaring issues thus far but it wasn’t meant to be because part 3 was really, really odd.
Up until part 3, this had been a slow burn in terms of the physical relationship between them. There were a few hand jobs here and there, kissing and a real violent blowjob but there hadn’t been any true intimacy between these boys and while I do think the author wrote some creative scenes, I didn’t feel like they matched up with what we knew about the characters. I was super surprised when Huckslee started acting like some kind of daddy dom that was punishing his brat when that was never the dynamic between them before. I’m all for kinky shit but it didn’t feel like it fit with these characters and while I liked the first sex scene, I was less enthused by the next chapter summarizing all the shit they did to each other after that off page. Maybe if some of that had been shown, then their kinky sex later on would have made more sense? But I was already mostly checked out by the time they started fucking because I didn’t feel like they had any chemistry between them so this may be why I felt the scenes just didn’t make sense.
I had so many issues with part 3 I’d be writing a novel trying to explain them all but what ruined this book for me besides not caring about the couple was how unfinished it ultimately felt. There were a lot of plot lines that were never wrapped up or brought up again. Huckslee came home for only one reason and that reason was never mentioned again. Granted I hated the character it was about but some follow-up would have been nice. I also didn’t understand why Huckslee chose what he did for his career. It was part of his fake persona and he didn’t even like it and I was totally confused when the author made him do it anyway. I swear it was just put in there to have that corny af end scene.
Since I loved the found family aspect and I connected more to the group of friends than anyone else I was disappointed to not have any resolution between two of the characters that had been dating. I also loved Xed and Matty for most of the book and couldn’t wait for their own story but Matty did something pretty unforgivable near the end that has me wondering if I’ll ever pick it up. I will definitely wait on reviews this time before trying any other books by this author though. I read 684 pages and I felt no connection between the main couple and it makes me wonder wtf I even read. A lot of summaries of shit happening off page is all I can come up with.
I hate rating this so low when I had such high hopes but there are so many more things that happened in part 3 that just angered me or weren’t dealt with the right way and I just can’t find the will to put it at 3 stars like I thought I would. I left the events intentionally vague so I didn’t have to put spoilers on because if I had started ranting I never would have shut up and this review would have been longer than the book 😂 I also feel like this review is a mess but so was the book so it’s probably fitting. As for all the books this was compared to? I only really thought they applied in part one and even then it was a stretch. The problem with saying a book feels like a mash up of other books is that people will have certain expectations and I really wish for this author’s sake that hadn’t of been done.
Stepbrothers
2.5 Stars ⭐️
I think when most people see a book is over 600 pages they run in the opposite direction but when I see it and then see that the tropes are coming of age, right person wrong time and second chances with a lot of angst? I’m going to pick that book up so fast. Every single time. And then to see arc reviewers comparing this to Wrath, Will&Way and Garron Park?? How could I even resist? I can’t and I couldn’t and when I saw it released, you bet I dropped everything I was reading and listening to and picked it up. But I wish I would have waited to see reviews that weren’t just arc reviews because while part 1 hooked me, parts 2-3 killed any enthusiasm I had towards the characters and it was a struggle to finish. I’m sorry to anyone I told to read this when I was at 22% 😭🫶🏻
So this is a debut and I think for a debut it was better than most I’ve been picking up lately because there weren’t typos and the writing style itself was rather addictive for awhile however this book had a lot of structuring issues and there was a lot of things happening off page that were then summarized in the POVs that really affected how connected I felt to the characters. There are 3 parts and part 3 felt like it was written by a completely different author and is the reason I’m rating this book so low but the issues for me started in part 2 when all the angst from part 1 abruptly stopped and really important events weren’t happening on page. There was a 4 year time jump from part 1 to 2 so when part 2 starts, all of the trauma from part 1 felt swept under the rug especially because the person causing most of the problems in part 1, Taylor, had gone to therapy and gotten his life together off page and the summaries I got from his POV were not enough for me and I wanted to see something in real time even if it was through a diary entry or a therapy appointment. A lot fucking happened in those 4 years for none of it to be on page. And as I kept reading I noticed that this was a pattern whenever something big happened, that the follow up to it would be summarized in the next chapter and we’d be like 3 weeks out from when the event happened. This choice made me feel very disconnected from everything going on and is ultimately why I checked out around 70% which appears to be my time of death curse in most books lately and I found this book such a chore to finish. It didn’t help that a lot of the storylines were never fully wrapped up or even mentioned again and some of them were huge plot points!!
My biggest issue with this book though is that I never felt a connection between Huckslee and Taylor even though they both liked to tell me in their summarized POVs how they were each other’s first loves in high school 👀 (they weren’t imo, they weren’t even friends) or how hot they thought the other was (signs of a long lasting bond 🙄) or how they’ve loved each other for years (riiiight…) but then on page there were no moments between them that made me feel these sentiments especially in part 2. And I needed something, anything that made me feel like they were endgame but I just couldn’t get there and because this book has a strong found family vibe, I ended up connecting more with the friend group than I did with either main character. I cared more about the friend’s relationships than I did about Taylor or Huckslee and if they ever figured their shit out which took wayyy too long imo. But I still had hopes in part 2 that part 3 was going to give me moments between the two of them they deserved and that we as readers deserved for all the other glaring issues thus far but it wasn’t meant to be because part 3 was really, really odd.
Up until part 3, this had been a slow burn in terms of the physical relationship between them. There were a few hand jobs here and there, kissing and a real violent blowjob but there hadn’t been any true intimacy between these boys and while I do think the author wrote some creative scenes, I didn’t feel like they matched up with what we knew about the characters. I was super surprised when Huckslee started acting like some kind of daddy dom that was punishing his brat when that was never the dynamic between them before. I’m all for kinky shit but it didn’t feel like it fit with these characters and while I liked the first sex scene, I was less enthused by the next chapter summarizing all the shit they did to each other after that off page. Maybe if some of that had been shown, then their kinky sex later on would have made more sense? But I was already mostly checked out by the time they started fucking because I didn’t feel like they had any chemistry between them so this may be why I felt the scenes just didn’t make sense.
I had so many issues with part 3 I’d be writing a novel trying to explain them all but what ruined this book for me besides not caring about the couple was how unfinished it ultimately felt. There were a lot of plot lines that were never wrapped up or brought up again. Huckslee came home for only one reason and that reason was never mentioned again. Granted I hated the character it was about but some follow-up would have been nice. I also didn’t understand why Huckslee chose what he did for his career. It was part of his fake persona and he didn’t even like it and I was totally confused when the author made him do it anyway. I swear it was just put in there to have that corny af end scene.
Since I loved the found family aspect and I connected more to the group of friends than anyone else I was disappointed to not have any resolution between two of the characters that had been dating. I also loved Xed and Matty for most of the book and couldn’t wait for their own story but Matty did something pretty unforgivable near the end that has me wondering if I’ll ever pick it up. I will definitely wait on reviews this time before trying any other books by this author though. I read 684 pages and I felt no connection between the main couple and it makes me wonder wtf I even read. A lot of summaries of shit happening off page is all I can come up with.
I hate rating this so low when I had such high hopes but there are so many more things that happened in part 3 that just angered me or weren’t dealt with the right way and I just can’t find the will to put it at 3 stars like I thought I would. I left the events intentionally vague so I didn’t have to put spoilers on because if I had started ranting I never would have shut up and this review would have been longer than the book 😂 I also feel like this review is a mess but so was the book so it’s probably fitting. As for all the books this was compared to? I only really thought they applied in part one and even then it was a stretch. The problem with saying a book feels like a mash up of other books is that people will have certain expectations and I really wish for this author’s sake that hadn’t of been done.
September 19, 2024
♾️ ⭐️
Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️/5
Format: ebook
“‘This can be like neutral ground or something. A fake place. Like…Delaware.’ … ‘Out here, nothing has to exist. No fights. Just us. Just Taylor and Huckslee.’”
Ella James’s Wrath meets Nordika Night’s Garron Park meets Jessie Walker’s Where There’s a Will/If There’s a Way in this hauntingly beautiful but raw friends-to-enemies-to-stepbrothers-to-lovers epic romance novel.
“Fuckslee” Huckslee Davis and “Taylor fucking Tottman” not only don’t get along but can’t be in each other’s vicinity without fighting. Lucky for them and everyone around them, Huckslee’s dad and Taylor’s mom are about to get married and move Tay into the room across from Huck’s. Page one and we’re immediately thrust into yet another verbal sparring-turned-physical brawl between our main characters, causing both of them to turn up to their parent’s wedding wearing each other’s marks. When I say bully romance, I mean bully romance. Taylor’s attacks came in the form of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, sometimes even bordering on psychological torture. There weren’t many lines he wouldn’t cross. And the thing is, Huckslee was as addicted to it as Taylor was.
↳“There's something twisted about the way I yearned for his attention, even if the attention I got was all bruises and closed fists. How I avoided him, knowing he'd seek me out because I wanted the fucking chase. I just got good at lying to myself about it.”
Over the course of the next several months, Taylor and Huck come to blows, come to stalemates, come to peace offerings, and, once, Huckslee even comes on Taylor’s hand. The push and pull really starts to set in strong and we get the most delicious tension and all the “will they/won’t they?” vibes. Except things come to a head and Taylor finally goes too far, effectively pushing Huck away for good; bringing us to quite a big timeskip. When they finally see each other again, they’re back to square one and at each other’s throats once more. The author did such a phenomenal job making sure that the “enemies” elements of this story never felt forced or repetitive. I’m super picky about the enemies to lovers trope but everything in this book absolutely worked for me and was believable. I just really resonated with their love story and found myself constantly getting emotional along with the characters. When Huck and Taylor were on the outs, I felt it like a physical ailment.
↳”He's a whole stranger to me now. And even though I'm surrounded by my friends, it makes me feel so damn lonely. Because even if they know me better than anyone... nobody knows me like Huck does. Well, did.“
While little moments snuck in here and there earlier on in the story, this book is very much a slowburn, which I think is most appropriate for a bully romance. There was a lot of glorious groveling, especially on Taylor’s part, and also a good amount of help from mental health professionals for both characters. You can see them start to sort through their issues in much more responsible ways when they come back together. Of course, they’re still Taylor and Huckslee at their core so they still constantly mess up and do stupid stuff, but we watch them mature and grow more and more throughout the book. What never seems to change is their codependency and possessiveness over each other, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Watching them get jealous and claim each other was everything. But mostly I just loved seeing them actually address their pasts and work through their issues rather than ignore them and move on like I’ve seen in so many other books.
↳”I want to take it away, all of it. Every negative emotion that ever came between us, every bruise and every scar. All of his guilt, all of mine. If I could, I'd crawl inside his brain and change the story, perhaps make it one where our friendship morphed naturally into love over time instead of the twisted monster it became.”
Let’s address the spice in this book, because it takes a lot for me to rate anything 5/5. Not only is the sexual chemistry between Huck and Taylor magma-level hot, every scene of them together is downright filthy. Our sweet Huckslee Davis is a dominant freak in bed, and Taylor is his very willing target to take out all his stress and frustration on. Now when they test limits with each other and leave their marks all over one another, they do it to orgasm, which is even better. Possibly the best smut I’ve ever read in a book. I highlighted a concerning amount of their spicy scenes for future perusal.
↳”He uses his arm to lift me off of him before replacing his cock with the silicone plug. ‘You're going to spend the rest of the day filled with my cum, since, apparently, I need to remind you that you're mine.’"
The way this book snuck up out of nowhere and blew my mind though. This is now the standard I will hold every book I read from now on to. Not even just enemies to lovers, but every single book. Huckslee and Taylor just completely stole my heart. It’s very rare I love the main characters the same amount as each other; I pretty much always have a favorite. But I honestly cannot choose between them. They are both such complex characters and so multidimensional, it’s impossible to come to terms with the fact that they’re fictional. I feel so connected to their personalities and motivations. Even the side characters were amazing additions to the story, and I cannot wait for Matt and Xed’s book. To say I loved this story is gravely downplaying it. I would tattoo it onto my soul if I could.
Honestly, bury me with this book.
↳”I'll never get enough of Huckslee Davis. No matter how much time or distance we spend apart, I'll always come back for more. Out of all the addictions I've had in my life, his presence is the most potent. The one habit I can't kick and I never want to try.”
“‘Is it everything you hoped it would be?’
Clearly, he’s not talking about the state of Delaware but rather the state of us—Taylor and Huckslee.
‘No.’ Deepening the kiss, I jump up to wrap my legs around his waist, trusting his strength to catch me if I fall. ‘It’s so much more, baby. So much more.’”
*I received a free advanced copy of this book from the author and this is my voluntary, honest review.
Bookstagram | Booktok
SPOILERS: Full list of Tropes and Content Warning below
Tropes:
* Bully romance
* Codependency
* Enemies-to-lovers
* Forced proximity
* Gay for you
* Hurt/comfort
* One bed
* Stepbrothers
Microtropes:
* Breath play
* Calls him “baby”
* Cockwarming
* Edging
* Filthy mouth
* Flip fucking
* Praise kink
* Snowballing
* Spanking
* Toys and plugs
Content Warning:
* Addiction
* Child abuse
* Dubious consent
* Homophobia
* Homophobic slurs
* Long timeskip
* Mental health struggles
* Prescription drug abuse
* Suicidal ideation and attempted suicide
* Violence between MC’s
Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️/5
Format: ebook
“‘This can be like neutral ground or something. A fake place. Like…Delaware.’ … ‘Out here, nothing has to exist. No fights. Just us. Just Taylor and Huckslee.’”
Ella James’s Wrath meets Nordika Night’s Garron Park meets Jessie Walker’s Where There’s a Will/If There’s a Way in this hauntingly beautiful but raw friends-to-enemies-to-stepbrothers-to-lovers epic romance novel.
“Fuckslee” Huckslee Davis and “Taylor fucking Tottman” not only don’t get along but can’t be in each other’s vicinity without fighting. Lucky for them and everyone around them, Huckslee’s dad and Taylor’s mom are about to get married and move Tay into the room across from Huck’s. Page one and we’re immediately thrust into yet another verbal sparring-turned-physical brawl between our main characters, causing both of them to turn up to their parent’s wedding wearing each other’s marks. When I say bully romance, I mean bully romance. Taylor’s attacks came in the form of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, sometimes even bordering on psychological torture. There weren’t many lines he wouldn’t cross. And the thing is, Huckslee was as addicted to it as Taylor was.
↳“There's something twisted about the way I yearned for his attention, even if the attention I got was all bruises and closed fists. How I avoided him, knowing he'd seek me out because I wanted the fucking chase. I just got good at lying to myself about it.”
Over the course of the next several months, Taylor and Huck come to blows, come to stalemates, come to peace offerings, and, once, Huckslee even comes on Taylor’s hand. The push and pull really starts to set in strong and we get the most delicious tension and all the “will they/won’t they?” vibes. Except things come to a head and Taylor finally goes too far, effectively pushing Huck away for good; bringing us to quite a big timeskip. When they finally see each other again, they’re back to square one and at each other’s throats once more. The author did such a phenomenal job making sure that the “enemies” elements of this story never felt forced or repetitive. I’m super picky about the enemies to lovers trope but everything in this book absolutely worked for me and was believable. I just really resonated with their love story and found myself constantly getting emotional along with the characters. When Huck and Taylor were on the outs, I felt it like a physical ailment.
↳”He's a whole stranger to me now. And even though I'm surrounded by my friends, it makes me feel so damn lonely. Because even if they know me better than anyone... nobody knows me like Huck does. Well, did.“
While little moments snuck in here and there earlier on in the story, this book is very much a slowburn, which I think is most appropriate for a bully romance. There was a lot of glorious groveling, especially on Taylor’s part, and also a good amount of help from mental health professionals for both characters. You can see them start to sort through their issues in much more responsible ways when they come back together. Of course, they’re still Taylor and Huckslee at their core so they still constantly mess up and do stupid stuff, but we watch them mature and grow more and more throughout the book. What never seems to change is their codependency and possessiveness over each other, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Watching them get jealous and claim each other was everything. But mostly I just loved seeing them actually address their pasts and work through their issues rather than ignore them and move on like I’ve seen in so many other books.
↳”I want to take it away, all of it. Every negative emotion that ever came between us, every bruise and every scar. All of his guilt, all of mine. If I could, I'd crawl inside his brain and change the story, perhaps make it one where our friendship morphed naturally into love over time instead of the twisted monster it became.”
Let’s address the spice in this book, because it takes a lot for me to rate anything 5/5. Not only is the sexual chemistry between Huck and Taylor magma-level hot, every scene of them together is downright filthy. Our sweet Huckslee Davis is a dominant freak in bed, and Taylor is his very willing target to take out all his stress and frustration on. Now when they test limits with each other and leave their marks all over one another, they do it to orgasm, which is even better. Possibly the best smut I’ve ever read in a book. I highlighted a concerning amount of their spicy scenes for future perusal.
↳”He uses his arm to lift me off of him before replacing his cock with the silicone plug. ‘You're going to spend the rest of the day filled with my cum, since, apparently, I need to remind you that you're mine.’"
The way this book snuck up out of nowhere and blew my mind though. This is now the standard I will hold every book I read from now on to. Not even just enemies to lovers, but every single book. Huckslee and Taylor just completely stole my heart. It’s very rare I love the main characters the same amount as each other; I pretty much always have a favorite. But I honestly cannot choose between them. They are both such complex characters and so multidimensional, it’s impossible to come to terms with the fact that they’re fictional. I feel so connected to their personalities and motivations. Even the side characters were amazing additions to the story, and I cannot wait for Matt and Xed’s book. To say I loved this story is gravely downplaying it. I would tattoo it onto my soul if I could.
Honestly, bury me with this book.
↳”I'll never get enough of Huckslee Davis. No matter how much time or distance we spend apart, I'll always come back for more. Out of all the addictions I've had in my life, his presence is the most potent. The one habit I can't kick and I never want to try.”
“‘Is it everything you hoped it would be?’
Clearly, he’s not talking about the state of Delaware but rather the state of us—Taylor and Huckslee.
‘No.’ Deepening the kiss, I jump up to wrap my legs around his waist, trusting his strength to catch me if I fall. ‘It’s so much more, baby. So much more.’”
*I received a free advanced copy of this book from the author and this is my voluntary, honest review.
Bookstagram | Booktok
SPOILERS: Full list of Tropes and Content Warning below
Tropes:
* Bully romance
* Codependency
* Enemies-to-lovers
* Forced proximity
* Gay for you
* Hurt/comfort
* One bed
* Stepbrothers
Microtropes:
* Breath play
* Calls him “baby”
* Cockwarming
* Edging
* Filthy mouth
* Flip fucking
* Praise kink
* Snowballing
* Spanking
* Toys and plugs
Content Warning:
* Addiction
* Child abuse
* Dubious consent
* Homophobia
* Homophobic slurs
* Long timeskip
* Mental health struggles
* Prescription drug abuse
* Suicidal ideation and attempted suicide
* Violence between MC’s
October 24, 2024
Tropes: friends to enemies to lovers, step brothers, second chances, bully romance, miscommunication
Feels: 3/5
Steam*: 2.5/5
Kinks: Mild breath play, Cum play/snowballing, Dubious consent, belting
Angst: high
HEA: yes
Pairing: MM
Triggers/potential icks/content warnings: mental health, anxiety and depression, drugs, suicide attempt by MMC, child abuse, bad parents, cancer, alcoholic MMC (including relapse), death of parents by overdose and cancer, forcible outing of MMC by other MMC, internalized homophobia, homophobia, violence, on page sex with others, sex with others after MMCs start their relationship, messy overlap of sexual relationships that aren't technically cheating between MMCs but hurts each other anyway, cheating (not between MMCs)
3.75 Stars
FYI that this review is going to have tons of spoilers for plot points. With the way I do my reviews, even just for my own future reference, I can't review it without commenting on the plot.
To start, I have to say that I went into this book pretty blind. I saw the tropes in tiktoks and thought it would be right up my alley and I added it to my TBR without checking content warnings. I got a bit burned, if I'd known some of the content warnings I probably would have passed on it because a lot of those things wreck my enjoyment of a book. There were some positives mixed in that I did enjoy, and for a debut book by a new author, objectively speaking it was solid storytelling even if the love story was kind of ugly to me.
Huckslee and Taylor have been involved in each other's lives for a long time. I think they met around grade 8 and they were each other's first kiss back in grade 8. Taylor was being raised by his abusive substance abusing homophobic father, his mother Maisie left years ago. Taylor used to talk about Huck and his dad picked up on his crush before Taylor even understood what it was and was verbally and physically abusive over the possibility that Taylor might be something other than straight (fyi, Taylor isn't attracted to any men other than Huck. It's women for him or Huck). Taylor constantly hid the abuse because he didn't want to be taken from his home and have to go into care and be separated from his friends.
Huck was outwardly a Golden Boy, but inwardly he was suffering horribly himself. He was popular and played football and a bunch of other sports. He was the son of a bishop and being raised in a really religious environment. He knew from very early that he was gay and he was hiding his sexuality. His mom died a few years ago and that started his struggle with anxiety and depression and panic attacks. Huck thought that Taylor liked him too, so he hit on Taylor in 8th grade and revealed he was gay. Taylor kissed him but then immediately after started bullying Huck and secretly taunting him over the secret of his sexuality, part because he needed to distance himself and part because picking fights injured him and allowed him to pretend that his bruises were coming from fights with Huck as opposed to abuse by his dad.
Then nearing the end of high school, Huck's dad and Taylor's mom Maisie got married and they became step brothers and had to interact a bit. There were moments spattered between fights and bullying and hating each other and being Motocross rivals where they had kisses and hookups, but they weren't together, and both of them were hooking up with other people during high school too. Everything kind of came to a head at prom, when Taylor was jealous of a guy named Royce who Huck was hooking up with and then dating. Taylor forcibly outed Huck in front of the entire prom and Huck's dad who was there. Huck's mental health had come to a crisis point already without adding that, and Huck spiraled and attempted suicide that night. Taylor followed him and saved his life.
We skip forward 4 years and Huck had been sent to California to live with his grandparents after his overdose / suicide attempt. He's been doing a lot better and he is an NFL prospect, likely to be drafted soon. Huck's father gets diagnosed with cancer and Huck comes home for the first time in 4 years. Taylor and Huck start interacting again.
Taylor has learned his lesson. Almost losing Huck to suicide made him realize that he's in love with Huck and he's been obsessed with Huck ever since, secretly internet stalking him and watching all of his football games and secretly internally simping over Huck. In his present day interactions with Huck, Taylor takes all of his aggression as something that he deserves and he won't fight back against Huck. Taylor is self-aware enough now to know for him Huck is endgame and he would be with him in a split second if he could have him. This element is probably the best part of the book, I do love a character who simps for their love interest and is all in, but unfortunately it's buried amongst all the content warnings I've listed and a whole bunch of hurting each other and negativity.
You don't get the sense that Huck has been in love with Taylor or pining over him at all really since grade 8, because Taylor was bullying him so hard, it really was just reluctant sexual attraction (by a horny young guy) to his bully on Huck's side. So not a lot of romance on Huck's side.
With Huck back in town, they have angry interactions that turn into hookups but they aren't together. They do start talking more and Taylor apologizes and explains where he was coming from and there starts to be a mutual understanding and Huck starts to like Taylor as a person a bit now that he knows shit. They start to want to have a relationship with each other, but Huck is about to be drafted to the NFL and Taylor's career in Motocross is picking up and they would need to have a long distance relationship. With Taylor being someone whose love language is touch, and needs people to be present, and then both being young guys with high sex drives, they worry they won't be able to make it work. They eventually manage to make it work.
The positive elements to me were: Taylor eventually being a Simp for Huck, the sexual chemistry between them where fights turned into passionate moments, the humor of their friend group finding out about their relationship and teasing them over it, and the fact that this was a debut author's first book and it was a complex plot and a really good effort for a first book!
Just random comments on the author's writing:
- There was a random continuity error that messed up the timeline of some events - that annoyed me.
- The never have I ever game came off as cheesy and contrived - the questions were too conveniently all sexual revelations to expose secrets. That's just not how a normal game of never have I ever where they are using a deck of questions would go, there should have been some variation in the questions or the author should have just had the characters ask questions they came up with themselves, at least that would explain why the questions were all one-track targeted questions to reveal stuff.
- There was a scene of an underwater bj - authors can't sell me on that being hot, it would basically be waterboarding, there's no way to not end up choking on water while you're trying to execute the bj.
- I did not understand Logan and Salem's relationship and why they were together if they were so incompatible. Logan wants to save himself for marriage because of his religious upbringing, but he's also not in a rush to propose to Salem until his dad forces him to. And Salem is very anti-marriage yet still is with him for 2 years without it being a sexual relationship. I just could not understand how they got two years into a relationship that logically they each knew would be a huge dead end for them. It's not like Salem had any reason to believe Logan would start a sexual relationship with her after 2 years of holding out.
- I didn't understand why Huck went into the NFL given he wasn't terribly excited about football, never truly enjoyed football or was doing it for himself, he was more passionate about art and his career choice just didn't make sense. I completely expected him to quit football but he didn't.
Also, I was excited for a while about Matt and Xed's book when I saw some of the bread crumbs throughout the book, but when it was revealed that they've been having sex but Matt dumped Xed to go back to Valerie anyway, I lost my interest. It would have been one thing if Xed had one sided unrequited feelings for Matt, and Matt was just oblivious to it, but ick that they were together and Matt dumps him and leaves him for basically two years to be with someone else.
Overall, this was a messy as hell love story. I didn't enjoy a bunch of the things that are in my content warnings section, it was just ugly for the characters to go back and forth hooking up with others to hooking up with each other to hooking up with others. It was a constant cycle and it was super ugly for them to be with others one night apart or the same night and then with each other. There was a lot of jealousy and hurt. But putting aside my personal tastes on that, overall I felt like they had just hurt each other too much over the years and they were toxic and ugly as a love story. The years of Taylor bullying Huck so hard and being homophobic and forcibly outing him and causing him to attempt suicide was so ugly and unforgivable in a book boyfriend. Huck wasn't innocent in all this, he was physically abusive and hit back just as hard at Taylor over the years. They both broke each other's bones and bruised each other. There was one scene where Huck basically forces himself on Taylor, though Taylor is such a simp he'll take it anyway he can get it, even if it's basically assault and it's violent and painful. So neither of them were behaving well. To me, their bad behaviors over the years just crossed the line to me, where they weren't book boyfriend goals, and their love story was incredibly hurtful and ugly. I want my characters to treat their love interests better, I want there to be some lines that you'll never cross, where you won't hurt the person you're supposedly in love with. I don't hate this book, and I don't think the author did a bad job writing it, it's just not up my alley. I'm still giving it a relatively high rating. But to me, this couple is not endeared to me, they are nowhere near a favourite love match of mine, I have no interest in rereading this book and revisiting their love. Rereading this book would not give me happy feelings or put me in a positive headspace.
If you like jealous and possessive angsty love stories and the content warnings don't turn you off, maybe this book is up your alley. There are positives to it.
Some notable moments:
"“You don’t own him, asshole.” Taylor tries to escape my hold on his arm again, but I’m not letting go. So he grabs Logan’s wrist and holds it up, shaking his hand around. “What, does this piss you off?” “Let go,” I growl, seeing red when he threads his fingers through Logan’s, holding his hand. “How ’bout this? This not ok?” Salem whips around, glaring at him. “Taylor quit it.” But Taylor isn’t done. I feel my grip tighten around him with bruising force as he reaches up to grab Logan’s jaw. “You know what I think will really make you mad, though? This.” He yanks Logan’s face down to his and plants a kiss square on my best friend’s lips."
That awkward moment when you realize your roommate heard everything! Lol "I pad out into the kitchen. And come to a dead halt when I see Christian sitting on the couch in silence, a cup of coffee raised halfway to his lips, sociology homework spread out next to him, an accusing glint in his eye. He looks at me. I look at him. And that’s about when I realize I heard no music coming from his room last night, but I was too caught up in Huck to notice. Ah, fuck. “How much did you hear?” I grit through my teeth, scrubbing my face. His gaze narrows as he takes a loud sip. “Caught the whole show plus the after-credit scene.” He pauses. “Unwillingly, I might add.”"
*FYI about steam: I rate steam based on a combination of quality & quantity. I note kink separate from steam because I don't want to underrate steamy reads that don't have much kink.
**Note about spoilers: I like to comment on the plot of a book in reviews, so I almost always mark my reviews as containing spoilers. But I try to avoid spoiling the big dramatic moments! As a reader, I personally like to know what I'm getting into before I read a book so I know more about the content and if it's to my taste/mood, so I try to give that information in my reviews for myself when I'm considering rereading and also for other readers.
Feels: 3/5
Steam*: 2.5/5
Kinks: Mild breath play, Cum play/snowballing, Dubious consent, belting
Angst: high
HEA: yes
Pairing: MM
Triggers/potential icks/content warnings: mental health, anxiety and depression, drugs, suicide attempt by MMC, child abuse, bad parents, cancer, alcoholic MMC (including relapse), death of parents by overdose and cancer, forcible outing of MMC by other MMC, internalized homophobia, homophobia, violence, on page sex with others, sex with others after MMCs start their relationship, messy overlap of sexual relationships that aren't technically cheating between MMCs but hurts each other anyway, cheating (not between MMCs)
3.75 Stars
FYI that this review is going to have tons of spoilers for plot points. With the way I do my reviews, even just for my own future reference, I can't review it without commenting on the plot.
To start, I have to say that I went into this book pretty blind. I saw the tropes in tiktoks and thought it would be right up my alley and I added it to my TBR without checking content warnings. I got a bit burned, if I'd known some of the content warnings I probably would have passed on it because a lot of those things wreck my enjoyment of a book. There were some positives mixed in that I did enjoy, and for a debut book by a new author, objectively speaking it was solid storytelling even if the love story was kind of ugly to me.
Huckslee and Taylor have been involved in each other's lives for a long time. I think they met around grade 8 and they were each other's first kiss back in grade 8. Taylor was being raised by his abusive substance abusing homophobic father, his mother Maisie left years ago. Taylor used to talk about Huck and his dad picked up on his crush before Taylor even understood what it was and was verbally and physically abusive over the possibility that Taylor might be something other than straight (fyi, Taylor isn't attracted to any men other than Huck. It's women for him or Huck). Taylor constantly hid the abuse because he didn't want to be taken from his home and have to go into care and be separated from his friends.
Huck was outwardly a Golden Boy, but inwardly he was suffering horribly himself. He was popular and played football and a bunch of other sports. He was the son of a bishop and being raised in a really religious environment. He knew from very early that he was gay and he was hiding his sexuality. His mom died a few years ago and that started his struggle with anxiety and depression and panic attacks. Huck thought that Taylor liked him too, so he hit on Taylor in 8th grade and revealed he was gay. Taylor kissed him but then immediately after started bullying Huck and secretly taunting him over the secret of his sexuality, part because he needed to distance himself and part because picking fights injured him and allowed him to pretend that his bruises were coming from fights with Huck as opposed to abuse by his dad.
Then nearing the end of high school, Huck's dad and Taylor's mom Maisie got married and they became step brothers and had to interact a bit. There were moments spattered between fights and bullying and hating each other and being Motocross rivals where they had kisses and hookups, but they weren't together, and both of them were hooking up with other people during high school too. Everything kind of came to a head at prom, when Taylor was jealous of a guy named Royce who Huck was hooking up with and then dating. Taylor forcibly outed Huck in front of the entire prom and Huck's dad who was there. Huck's mental health had come to a crisis point already without adding that, and Huck spiraled and attempted suicide that night. Taylor followed him and saved his life.
We skip forward 4 years and Huck had been sent to California to live with his grandparents after his overdose / suicide attempt. He's been doing a lot better and he is an NFL prospect, likely to be drafted soon. Huck's father gets diagnosed with cancer and Huck comes home for the first time in 4 years. Taylor and Huck start interacting again.
Taylor has learned his lesson. Almost losing Huck to suicide made him realize that he's in love with Huck and he's been obsessed with Huck ever since, secretly internet stalking him and watching all of his football games and secretly internally simping over Huck. In his present day interactions with Huck, Taylor takes all of his aggression as something that he deserves and he won't fight back against Huck. Taylor is self-aware enough now to know for him Huck is endgame and he would be with him in a split second if he could have him. This element is probably the best part of the book, I do love a character who simps for their love interest and is all in, but unfortunately it's buried amongst all the content warnings I've listed and a whole bunch of hurting each other and negativity.
You don't get the sense that Huck has been in love with Taylor or pining over him at all really since grade 8, because Taylor was bullying him so hard, it really was just reluctant sexual attraction (by a horny young guy) to his bully on Huck's side. So not a lot of romance on Huck's side.
With Huck back in town, they have angry interactions that turn into hookups but they aren't together. They do start talking more and Taylor apologizes and explains where he was coming from and there starts to be a mutual understanding and Huck starts to like Taylor as a person a bit now that he knows shit. They start to want to have a relationship with each other, but Huck is about to be drafted to the NFL and Taylor's career in Motocross is picking up and they would need to have a long distance relationship. With Taylor being someone whose love language is touch, and needs people to be present, and then both being young guys with high sex drives, they worry they won't be able to make it work. They eventually manage to make it work.
The positive elements to me were: Taylor eventually being a Simp for Huck, the sexual chemistry between them where fights turned into passionate moments, the humor of their friend group finding out about their relationship and teasing them over it, and the fact that this was a debut author's first book and it was a complex plot and a really good effort for a first book!
Just random comments on the author's writing:
- There was a random continuity error that messed up the timeline of some events - that annoyed me.
- The never have I ever game came off as cheesy and contrived - the questions were too conveniently all sexual revelations to expose secrets. That's just not how a normal game of never have I ever where they are using a deck of questions would go, there should have been some variation in the questions or the author should have just had the characters ask questions they came up with themselves, at least that would explain why the questions were all one-track targeted questions to reveal stuff.
- There was a scene of an underwater bj - authors can't sell me on that being hot, it would basically be waterboarding, there's no way to not end up choking on water while you're trying to execute the bj.
- I did not understand Logan and Salem's relationship and why they were together if they were so incompatible. Logan wants to save himself for marriage because of his religious upbringing, but he's also not in a rush to propose to Salem until his dad forces him to. And Salem is very anti-marriage yet still is with him for 2 years without it being a sexual relationship. I just could not understand how they got two years into a relationship that logically they each knew would be a huge dead end for them. It's not like Salem had any reason to believe Logan would start a sexual relationship with her after 2 years of holding out.
- I didn't understand why Huck went into the NFL given he wasn't terribly excited about football, never truly enjoyed football or was doing it for himself, he was more passionate about art and his career choice just didn't make sense. I completely expected him to quit football but he didn't.
Also, I was excited for a while about Matt and Xed's book when I saw some of the bread crumbs throughout the book, but when it was revealed that they've been having sex but Matt dumped Xed to go back to Valerie anyway, I lost my interest. It would have been one thing if Xed had one sided unrequited feelings for Matt, and Matt was just oblivious to it, but ick that they were together and Matt dumps him and leaves him for basically two years to be with someone else.
Overall, this was a messy as hell love story. I didn't enjoy a bunch of the things that are in my content warnings section, it was just ugly for the characters to go back and forth hooking up with others to hooking up with each other to hooking up with others. It was a constant cycle and it was super ugly for them to be with others one night apart or the same night and then with each other. There was a lot of jealousy and hurt. But putting aside my personal tastes on that, overall I felt like they had just hurt each other too much over the years and they were toxic and ugly as a love story. The years of Taylor bullying Huck so hard and being homophobic and forcibly outing him and causing him to attempt suicide was so ugly and unforgivable in a book boyfriend. Huck wasn't innocent in all this, he was physically abusive and hit back just as hard at Taylor over the years. They both broke each other's bones and bruised each other. There was one scene where Huck basically forces himself on Taylor, though Taylor is such a simp he'll take it anyway he can get it, even if it's basically assault and it's violent and painful. So neither of them were behaving well. To me, their bad behaviors over the years just crossed the line to me, where they weren't book boyfriend goals, and their love story was incredibly hurtful and ugly. I want my characters to treat their love interests better, I want there to be some lines that you'll never cross, where you won't hurt the person you're supposedly in love with. I don't hate this book, and I don't think the author did a bad job writing it, it's just not up my alley. I'm still giving it a relatively high rating. But to me, this couple is not endeared to me, they are nowhere near a favourite love match of mine, I have no interest in rereading this book and revisiting their love. Rereading this book would not give me happy feelings or put me in a positive headspace.
If you like jealous and possessive angsty love stories and the content warnings don't turn you off, maybe this book is up your alley. There are positives to it.
Some notable moments:
"“You don’t own him, asshole.” Taylor tries to escape my hold on his arm again, but I’m not letting go. So he grabs Logan’s wrist and holds it up, shaking his hand around. “What, does this piss you off?” “Let go,” I growl, seeing red when he threads his fingers through Logan’s, holding his hand. “How ’bout this? This not ok?” Salem whips around, glaring at him. “Taylor quit it.” But Taylor isn’t done. I feel my grip tighten around him with bruising force as he reaches up to grab Logan’s jaw. “You know what I think will really make you mad, though? This.” He yanks Logan’s face down to his and plants a kiss square on my best friend’s lips."
That awkward moment when you realize your roommate heard everything! Lol "I pad out into the kitchen. And come to a dead halt when I see Christian sitting on the couch in silence, a cup of coffee raised halfway to his lips, sociology homework spread out next to him, an accusing glint in his eye. He looks at me. I look at him. And that’s about when I realize I heard no music coming from his room last night, but I was too caught up in Huck to notice. Ah, fuck. “How much did you hear?” I grit through my teeth, scrubbing my face. His gaze narrows as he takes a loud sip. “Caught the whole show plus the after-credit scene.” He pauses. “Unwillingly, I might add.”"
*FYI about steam: I rate steam based on a combination of quality & quantity. I note kink separate from steam because I don't want to underrate steamy reads that don't have much kink.
**Note about spoilers: I like to comment on the plot of a book in reviews, so I almost always mark my reviews as containing spoilers. But I try to avoid spoiling the big dramatic moments! As a reader, I personally like to know what I'm getting into before I read a book so I know more about the content and if it's to my taste/mood, so I try to give that information in my reviews for myself when I'm considering rereading and also for other readers.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 29, 2024
See, the issue with making your MC do despicable, unforgivable things is that sometimes, the reader won't forgive him. The grovel in this book starts 40% in and it's still not enough to change my mind on Taylor.
I'm convinced that this was so long in the hope that if the basic bitch apologies and justifications didn't work, time would have us forgetting all the fuckery Taylor's been up to.
Bitch, I didn't forget.
I've never really got the 'nobody can hurt him but me' thing, and this book takes it the extra mile. I get stepbrothers who have a history of antagonizing each other. I get squabbling. I even get a few physical altercations.
Breaking the other's arm though? He'd not even done anything, really. Just tried to protect himself against the other threatening to out him to his dad. It's not romantic. It's bullying.
“Maybe I can help?”
🤦🏾♀️This guy broke your arm. I hate everything about this situation. It's so disturbing. On the one hand we have Taylor, who has been abused by his father all his life and says he hates him but acts just like him.
And then we have Huck, who has liked him for ages even though he shouldn't, trying to humanize him and rationalize wanting to forgive him for the terrible thing(s) he'd done.
“So your dad is homophobic.”
Taylor nods grimly. “Yep. With a capital ‘H’.”
“He’s where you get it from, then,”
Whack him for me.
'It felt like it came naturally to hold and kiss him like we were just two ordinary people sharing a moment.'
The moment in question? Near drowning...Kiss waterboarding? I don't even know what to call it.
Shoving someone's head underwater until they almost pass out then pulling them out just in time to kiss them(repeatedly).....is supposed to be hot?
Am I vanilla? Am I a wet blanket? Am I just too old for what the kids are into? I'm so confused.
Oh, and he outs him in jealousy. Knowing how deathly afraid he is of how his father will react. Nah, Taylor is too much like his father to be redeemable.
How can the reason for your first suicide attempt also be your one true love? This is heinous. I don't know if there's a grovel good enough to fix this.
I didn't WANT there to be a grovel that makes me reverse my feelings on Taylor. This guy takes 'nobody hurt him but me' too far. It's a challenge. And every single time, he beats his prior personal best. I feel sick.
Oh, and he beat up Huck's dad too. 💀I don't know if the author was trying to craft the worst MC imaginable because if so, it was a success. No crime uncommitted.
I hate apologies of circumstance. Are you even really sorry if it doesn't occur to you to apologize until you're forced to be in each other's lives again?
But even worse? I hate abusers who 'forgive themselves'.
'I fucking deserve closure.'
Coming from the aggressor? The gumption. The jokes write themselves, honestly.
The tattoo was a fucking stroke of genius though, I'll give him that.
In all fairness, though, Taylor tries. And tries. And tries. I guess I'm just hard to please because, honestly? I saw the effort. But nothing was big enough to reverse my dislike of him.
I want to be clear that there's a valiant attempt made to redeem Taylor.
He was basically a different person for the latter half of the book. Yet. I guess I'm just not sold on the idea that people deserve forgiveness just because they've changed —or even if they show that they're different. Some things are just hard for me to get past.
But hey, Huckslee's sold—so I guess fuck what I think.
Let's take a moment to reflect on what a heinous name that is, too. Man never stood a chance.
So here's my dilemma. The writing in this book is exceptional.
To the point that I couldn't DNF even though I really hated Taylor and didn't want to experience his redemption arc.
And it's a debut? Yeeish.
I'm not going to lie. I'm really conflicted between rating the writing and rating the romance because my thoughts are diametrically opposed.
Had I not hated Taylor, I'd give this a 4. But I can't do that with a book where I genuinely hate one MC (yes, even though he was a kid. Yes, even though he was also abused)
So I'm going with a 3.
What I will say, though? It's a really good book. If you're the forgiving kind.
As I said before, it appears I'm only forgiving when there's a bit of revenge involved.
Huckslee was just the understanding victim.
#StopForgivingPeopleForFree
I'm convinced that this was so long in the hope that if the basic bitch apologies and justifications didn't work, time would have us forgetting all the fuckery Taylor's been up to.
Bitch, I didn't forget.
I've never really got the 'nobody can hurt him but me' thing, and this book takes it the extra mile. I get stepbrothers who have a history of antagonizing each other. I get squabbling. I even get a few physical altercations.
Breaking the other's arm though? He'd not even done anything, really. Just tried to protect himself against the other threatening to out him to his dad. It's not romantic. It's bullying.
“Maybe I can help?”
🤦🏾♀️This guy broke your arm. I hate everything about this situation. It's so disturbing. On the one hand we have Taylor, who has been abused by his father all his life and says he hates him but acts just like him.
And then we have Huck, who has liked him for ages even though he shouldn't, trying to humanize him and rationalize wanting to forgive him for the terrible thing(s) he'd done.
“So your dad is homophobic.”
Taylor nods grimly. “Yep. With a capital ‘H’.”
“He’s where you get it from, then,”
Whack him for me.
'It felt like it came naturally to hold and kiss him like we were just two ordinary people sharing a moment.'
The moment in question? Near drowning...Kiss waterboarding? I don't even know what to call it.
Shoving someone's head underwater until they almost pass out then pulling them out just in time to kiss them(repeatedly).....is supposed to be hot?
Am I vanilla? Am I a wet blanket? Am I just too old for what the kids are into? I'm so confused.
Oh, and he outs him in jealousy. Knowing how deathly afraid he is of how his father will react. Nah, Taylor is too much like his father to be redeemable.
How can the reason for your first suicide attempt also be your one true love? This is heinous. I don't know if there's a grovel good enough to fix this.
I didn't WANT there to be a grovel that makes me reverse my feelings on Taylor. This guy takes 'nobody hurt him but me' too far. It's a challenge. And every single time, he beats his prior personal best. I feel sick.
Oh, and he beat up Huck's dad too. 💀I don't know if the author was trying to craft the worst MC imaginable because if so, it was a success. No crime uncommitted.
I hate apologies of circumstance. Are you even really sorry if it doesn't occur to you to apologize until you're forced to be in each other's lives again?
But even worse? I hate abusers who 'forgive themselves'.
'I fucking deserve closure.'
Coming from the aggressor? The gumption. The jokes write themselves, honestly.
The tattoo was a fucking stroke of genius though, I'll give him that.
In all fairness, though, Taylor tries. And tries. And tries. I guess I'm just hard to please because, honestly? I saw the effort. But nothing was big enough to reverse my dislike of him.
I want to be clear that there's a valiant attempt made to redeem Taylor.
He was basically a different person for the latter half of the book. Yet. I guess I'm just not sold on the idea that people deserve forgiveness just because they've changed —or even if they show that they're different. Some things are just hard for me to get past.
But hey, Huckslee's sold—so I guess fuck what I think.
Let's take a moment to reflect on what a heinous name that is, too. Man never stood a chance.
So here's my dilemma. The writing in this book is exceptional.
To the point that I couldn't DNF even though I really hated Taylor and didn't want to experience his redemption arc.
And it's a debut? Yeeish.
I'm not going to lie. I'm really conflicted between rating the writing and rating the romance because my thoughts are diametrically opposed.
Had I not hated Taylor, I'd give this a 4. But I can't do that with a book where I genuinely hate one MC (yes, even though he was a kid. Yes, even though he was also abused)
So I'm going with a 3.
What I will say, though? It's a really good book. If you're the forgiving kind.
As I said before, it appears I'm only forgiving when there's a bit of revenge involved.
Huckslee was just the understanding victim.
#StopForgivingPeopleForFree
September 12, 2024
um i don’t even think i have the words to describe how perfect this book was. these broken boys have my heart! this is now my roman empire & is now my entire personality. that hea was so hard earned, ugh my freaking heart. 🥺
these boys are toxic, jealous, possessive, unhinged and i loved every second of it. A MASTERPIECE.
it was a pleasure getting to read this masterpiece, thank you Bree for the arc <3
these boys are toxic, jealous, possessive, unhinged and i loved every second of it. A MASTERPIECE.
it was a pleasure getting to read this masterpiece, thank you Bree for the arc <3
October 26, 2024
Listen. Did I read a 700 page novel in under 36 hours? Yes. Would I do it again? Also yes. This joins the ranks of Wrath and For the Fans for stepbrother romances that hit.
THE PREMISE: best friends to enemies to stepbrothers to lovers … Huckslee and Taylor are both so broken, and so babygirl, their healing journey tore me in two then pieced me back together.
TROPES & VIBES
- Sad boys x spice x stepbrothers
- The found family and side characters are amazing
- *I’ve always only loved you*
- “Mine” x “Baby”
- Obsessive and possessive love
4.25⭐️ 4🌶️ (check TWs)
THE PREMISE: best friends to enemies to stepbrothers to lovers … Huckslee and Taylor are both so broken, and so babygirl, their healing journey tore me in two then pieced me back together.
TROPES & VIBES
- Sad boys x spice x stepbrothers
- The found family and side characters are amazing
- *I’ve always only loved you*
- “Mine” x “Baby”
- Obsessive and possessive love
4.25⭐️ 4🌶️ (check TWs)
November 5, 2024
Taylor and Huckslee go on an impressive journey together. Their story has its fair share of ups and downs, miscommunication, and frequent heartbreaking moments, making it an intense emotional story.
They share a connection and have been harboring feelings for one another for years, but due to various circumstances, they are forced to hide, lie, and forget about their mutual attraction. This forces the two to go in quite different directions it takes ample time and distance for both Taylor and Huckslee to be open to reconciling with one another.
Overall I enjoyed aspects of this story. I enjoyed the chemistry between these two and seeing their emotional development throughout the story. What was challenging was understanding how their feelings became so powerful due to not getting enough moments in their past to understand their ultimate devotion to one another years later.
*** I reviewed a complimentary copy of this story.***
They share a connection and have been harboring feelings for one another for years, but due to various circumstances, they are forced to hide, lie, and forget about their mutual attraction. This forces the two to go in quite different directions it takes ample time and distance for both Taylor and Huckslee to be open to reconciling with one another.
Overall I enjoyed aspects of this story. I enjoyed the chemistry between these two and seeing their emotional development throughout the story. What was challenging was understanding how their feelings became so powerful due to not getting enough moments in their past to understand their ultimate devotion to one another years later.
*** I reviewed a complimentary copy of this story.***
October 24, 2024
What a debut novel.
I started this right after midnight when it was available yesterday. It took me about a day and a half to finish this almost 700 page book.
I couldn't put it down.
Yes, if you were aware of my updates, you would know that Taylor pissed me off so much at first. But dammit if he didn't win me over by the second half!
Huckslee takes so much shit from him I wouldn't have blamed him if he never spoke to Taylor again. But also, I'm glad he didn't, and he learned to forgive, because their love story is absolutely epic.
First off, this book does not skimp on the enemies to lovers aspect. Seriously, the hate is strong and the things they say and do to each other, immense and awful. More Taylor than Huckslee, but Huckslee gets his shots in, especially later on.
Now, these two get the honor "friends to enemies to lovers" because for a whole school year or several months of a school year - it's not quite clear when it all happens in eighth grade - they were friends. They also both liked, even loved each other.
But Taylor has grown up roughly. His mother left when he was young, and his father is an abusive, homophobic shithead. He's taken in a lot of that abuse, both physical and verbal, and has some pretty bad homophobia himself because of his dad.
Or I should say, internal homophobia, as he kisses Huckslee when they're 14, in eighth grade, but then he's too excited about Huckslee and his father has a lot to say about it, and in fear, Taylor turns on Huckslee. To not only keep his bike to do the one thing he's passionate about - dirt biking - but to so that his father won't literally beat him to a pulp - that would most likely kill him. I think it's even mentioned that his father kill him if he didn't stop hanging out with Huckslee or found out they did more than just be friends.
Now to me, I don't think any of that was an excuse for him to treat Huckslee the way he does. He turns on him, and literally becomes Huckslees bully, his tormentor. As shitty as it would be, ghosting Huckslee or saying horrible shit to him one time would have been better than bullying him for the next four years.
I felt bad for Taylor when his father would hurt him, and he would start fights with Huckslee to hide them, to be able to say he got them while fighting Huckslee. But still, even as I felt for him when it came to that, and his shitty mother too, I didn't like what he did to Huckslee. No matter what, harming someone so much isn't okay.
And just...some of the shit he does would be unforgivable in reality, honestly. Or it should be. He not only and to me that...that was just awful. Beyond awful.
So yeah, I was pretty angry at Taylor for a good portion of this book - even as I was still rooting for him and Huckslee because of course I was - but his friends pissed me off too. Because like...what exactly did Huckslee do that deserved the dirty looks and glares from them? Like do you all know what your bestie did to him? Like what the fuck? I would probably end my friendship with someone over what Taylor does and how he treats Huckslee.
But I get having such a strong connection as to stick by someone, even when they do shitty things. But their attitude toward Huckslee pissed me off - except Matty - like okay stick by your man, but at least be contrite on his behalf? Or try to be nice to Huckslee? Or just civil? Instead of glaring at him and judging him for not being happy and nice to the guy who tormented him for years and ? Honestly, Christian (Taylor's bff) and Salem (his ex-girlfriend but also bff) pissed me off almost at much at times. Salem more than Christian, as he was pretty child most of the time.
Like I get Huckslee fought back a lot of the time and said some nasty things back when he could, but they had to know that Taylor started their "feud" and all the horrible shit he did to Huckslee. If not, that fuck Taylor for either not telling them or lying to them. I know they didn't know their real feelings for each other and about the kiss and all that, but that doesn't matter. Treating someone that horrible after being their friend is shitty.
And I know Salem was the only one - for a long time - that knew about Taylor's abusive father and probably felt overprotective of him because of that, but man, she knew Huckslee didn't know about it and still got angry about him and judged him for being upset and/or angry at things Taylor did to him. Like what the fuck? Salem honesty annoyed the crap out of me throughout this. Even her attitude when it came to Logan (Huckslee's best friend who she dates) after drama happens between them.
Just...Taylor and his group of friends annoyed or pissed me off for quite awhile in this.
And Huckslee is actually just so sweet. He goes through a lot himself, even if it isn't abuse. But he's a bishop's son, he lost his mother 2 years previously, he's closeted, he has MH problems in the form of pretty bad anxiety, and he gets pretty depressed at one point too, so badly that he . Heed the TW's at the back of the book for that. Pretty heavy to deal with, so if you need to know how bad it gets, go to the back of the book first and read those TW's.
But anyway, Huckslee fell for Taylor, but then all the sudden he's treating him like shit at every turn, starting fights with him, bullying him, doing things like putting a tarantula in his locker when he knows Huckslee is afraid of spiders. Huckslee reacts how anyone would react when their big crush all the sudden turns around and starts bullying you. And he was just a kid, too, so he's way too hard on himself later on when he finds out everything. If Taylor was so good at hiding it or bullshitting, you can't blame for Huckslee for not knowing. But he tries to blame himself anyway.
I guess one of the only big things I would say he does wrong before the time jump is not seeing Taylor in the hospital. I get it, as what Taylor seemingly does is shitty, but even then I feel he should have seen him, even with every shitty thing that happened between them up until that point.
Otherwise Huckslee was just dealing with a lot of shit, even outside of everything Taylor, and he just gets shat on again and again when he's done nothing wrong.
Also, I want to say that this is one of the few stepbrother romances where I didn't mind that the stepbrother thing wasn't that big of a deal.
Huckslee's father and Taylor's shitty mom get married their senior year of high school, but Huckslee and Taylor already had feelings for each other before that, and never really knew each other as brothers. They also only live together for like 4 or so months, so they never felt like more than just two people forced to legally be "brothers" by marriage.
Also normally that would annoy me, but it was a good way to put these two enemies together to get them to be around each other more so feelings could blossom and their relationship could deepen. They needed to be stepbrothers or I think they might have been "enemies" forever.
Also, while no one outright freaked out when finding out about them later on, there were people here or there who still judged them being together and weren't the nicest about it. Which is honestly more than some other stepbrother romance books take it. So I was pretty happy with that aspect, even if them being stepbrothers were the least of their worries and it wasn't a huge deal in the long run.
Also I saw some people worried about them being with others, and I have to say as someone who hates MC's with others or any type of cheating - there is none of that while they're together.
In the first half or so, they are with others, but the only on page scene of them with someone else is Taylor getting a blowjob from a girl at a party. Even then, all he can see and think about is Huckslee when it happens (in fact him thinking about him is what even gets him hard and allows him to finish).
Otherwise there might be a kiss here or there with someone else but there's no more on page sex with others outside of that. And it happens when they're still so entrenched in their "enemies" stage and things are so fucked up between them too that I didn't mind it all that much. After the time jump there's a scene where Taylor attempts to be with someone - before he and Huckslee even get together or talk of being together - but we later learn that he couldn't do it, couldn't follow through.
After that, they're only with each other. Yeah, we hear about boyfriends and/or hookups in that 4 year time jump, but we never have to see them with anyone. The only cheating in this has nothing to do with them. Maybe one is involved, but it has to do with another couple or person, what have you. These two, once they get their shit together and start to try at a relationship, and go further than the one handjob and a few kisses they had before the time jump, they are completely devoted to each other, and hella possessive.
Their chemistry was just so fucking good, and I couldn't get enough of these two. And seeing Taylor change over the time jump was so great. I slow came around to him and came to love him as much as Huckslee. He really does go through so much horrible shit too. As much as I was angry with him early on in the book for how he treats Huckslee, and it doesn't excuse his behavior, I felt for him so much. For years, the abuse and neglect he went through would fuck up anyone.
But him working himself is so great, and him Huckslee working through all their shit to get to the other side was amazing to read. Their love shines through the pages, and for all the shit they went through, they get to be happy and in love for the rest of their lives.
Their HEA was so great and I loved it to bits. I hope we get a short or something in the future to possibly see them years down the line, setting into their life together? .
If not, we still on such a solid, happy note and I couldn't believe it was over when I got there. I couldn't get enough of these two.
What a journey they go on.
And I'm certainly excited to read about Xed and Matty next. They're going through some shit in the background of this book, so I know their story will have drama too, just of a different kind.
Absolutely can't wait for more from a new loved author! 😍
I started this right after midnight when it was available yesterday. It took me about a day and a half to finish this almost 700 page book.
I couldn't put it down.
Yes, if you were aware of my updates, you would know that Taylor pissed me off so much at first. But dammit if he didn't win me over by the second half!
Huckslee takes so much shit from him I wouldn't have blamed him if he never spoke to Taylor again. But also, I'm glad he didn't, and he learned to forgive, because their love story is absolutely epic.
First off, this book does not skimp on the enemies to lovers aspect. Seriously, the hate is strong and the things they say and do to each other, immense and awful. More Taylor than Huckslee, but Huckslee gets his shots in, especially later on.
Now, these two get the honor "friends to enemies to lovers" because for a whole school year or several months of a school year - it's not quite clear when it all happens in eighth grade - they were friends. They also both liked, even loved each other.
But Taylor has grown up roughly. His mother left when he was young, and his father is an abusive, homophobic shithead. He's taken in a lot of that abuse, both physical and verbal, and has some pretty bad homophobia himself because of his dad.
Or I should say, internal homophobia, as he kisses Huckslee when they're 14, in eighth grade, but then he's too excited about Huckslee and his father has a lot to say about it, and in fear, Taylor turns on Huckslee. To not only keep his bike to do the one thing he's passionate about - dirt biking - but to so that his father won't literally beat him to a pulp - that would most likely kill him. I think it's even mentioned that his father kill him if he didn't stop hanging out with Huckslee or found out they did more than just be friends.
Now to me, I don't think any of that was an excuse for him to treat Huckslee the way he does. He turns on him, and literally becomes Huckslees bully, his tormentor. As shitty as it would be, ghosting Huckslee or saying horrible shit to him one time would have been better than bullying him for the next four years.
I felt bad for Taylor when his father would hurt him, and he would start fights with Huckslee to hide them, to be able to say he got them while fighting Huckslee. But still, even as I felt for him when it came to that, and his shitty mother too, I didn't like what he did to Huckslee. No matter what, harming someone so much isn't okay.
And just...some of the shit he does would be unforgivable in reality, honestly. Or it should be. He not only and to me that...that was just awful. Beyond awful.
So yeah, I was pretty angry at Taylor for a good portion of this book - even as I was still rooting for him and Huckslee because of course I was - but his friends pissed me off too. Because like...what exactly did Huckslee do that deserved the dirty looks and glares from them? Like do you all know what your bestie did to him? Like what the fuck? I would probably end my friendship with someone over what Taylor does and how he treats Huckslee.
But I get having such a strong connection as to stick by someone, even when they do shitty things. But their attitude toward Huckslee pissed me off - except Matty - like okay stick by your man, but at least be contrite on his behalf? Or try to be nice to Huckslee? Or just civil? Instead of glaring at him and judging him for not being happy and nice to the guy who tormented him for years and ? Honestly, Christian (Taylor's bff) and Salem (his ex-girlfriend but also bff) pissed me off almost at much at times. Salem more than Christian, as he was pretty child most of the time.
Like I get Huckslee fought back a lot of the time and said some nasty things back when he could, but they had to know that Taylor started their "feud" and all the horrible shit he did to Huckslee. If not, that fuck Taylor for either not telling them or lying to them. I know they didn't know their real feelings for each other and about the kiss and all that, but that doesn't matter. Treating someone that horrible after being their friend is shitty.
And I know Salem was the only one - for a long time - that knew about Taylor's abusive father and probably felt overprotective of him because of that, but man, she knew Huckslee didn't know about it and still got angry about him and judged him for being upset and/or angry at things Taylor did to him. Like what the fuck? Salem honesty annoyed the crap out of me throughout this. Even her attitude when it came to Logan (Huckslee's best friend who she dates) after drama happens between them.
Just...Taylor and his group of friends annoyed or pissed me off for quite awhile in this.
And Huckslee is actually just so sweet. He goes through a lot himself, even if it isn't abuse. But he's a bishop's son, he lost his mother 2 years previously, he's closeted, he has MH problems in the form of pretty bad anxiety, and he gets pretty depressed at one point too, so badly that he . Heed the TW's at the back of the book for that. Pretty heavy to deal with, so if you need to know how bad it gets, go to the back of the book first and read those TW's.
But anyway, Huckslee fell for Taylor, but then all the sudden he's treating him like shit at every turn, starting fights with him, bullying him, doing things like putting a tarantula in his locker when he knows Huckslee is afraid of spiders. Huckslee reacts how anyone would react when their big crush all the sudden turns around and starts bullying you. And he was just a kid, too, so he's way too hard on himself later on when he finds out everything. If Taylor was so good at hiding it or bullshitting, you can't blame for Huckslee for not knowing. But he tries to blame himself anyway.
I guess one of the only big things I would say he does wrong before the time jump is not seeing Taylor in the hospital. I get it, as what Taylor seemingly does is shitty, but even then I feel he should have seen him, even with every shitty thing that happened between them up until that point.
Otherwise Huckslee was just dealing with a lot of shit, even outside of everything Taylor, and he just gets shat on again and again when he's done nothing wrong.
Also, I want to say that this is one of the few stepbrother romances where I didn't mind that the stepbrother thing wasn't that big of a deal.
Huckslee's father and Taylor's shitty mom get married their senior year of high school, but Huckslee and Taylor already had feelings for each other before that, and never really knew each other as brothers. They also only live together for like 4 or so months, so they never felt like more than just two people forced to legally be "brothers" by marriage.
Also normally that would annoy me, but it was a good way to put these two enemies together to get them to be around each other more so feelings could blossom and their relationship could deepen. They needed to be stepbrothers or I think they might have been "enemies" forever.
Also, while no one outright freaked out when finding out about them later on, there were people here or there who still judged them being together and weren't the nicest about it. Which is honestly more than some other stepbrother romance books take it. So I was pretty happy with that aspect, even if them being stepbrothers were the least of their worries and it wasn't a huge deal in the long run.
Also I saw some people worried about them being with others, and I have to say as someone who hates MC's with others or any type of cheating - there is none of that while they're together.
In the first half or so, they are with others, but the only on page scene of them with someone else is Taylor getting a blowjob from a girl at a party. Even then, all he can see and think about is Huckslee when it happens (in fact him thinking about him is what even gets him hard and allows him to finish).
Otherwise there might be a kiss here or there with someone else but there's no more on page sex with others outside of that. And it happens when they're still so entrenched in their "enemies" stage and things are so fucked up between them too that I didn't mind it all that much. After the time jump there's a scene where Taylor attempts to be with someone - before he and Huckslee even get together or talk of being together - but we later learn that he couldn't do it, couldn't follow through.
After that, they're only with each other. Yeah, we hear about boyfriends and/or hookups in that 4 year time jump, but we never have to see them with anyone. The only cheating in this has nothing to do with them. Maybe one is involved, but it has to do with another couple or person, what have you. These two, once they get their shit together and start to try at a relationship, and go further than the one handjob and a few kisses they had before the time jump, they are completely devoted to each other, and hella possessive.
Their chemistry was just so fucking good, and I couldn't get enough of these two. And seeing Taylor change over the time jump was so great. I slow came around to him and came to love him as much as Huckslee. He really does go through so much horrible shit too. As much as I was angry with him early on in the book for how he treats Huckslee, and it doesn't excuse his behavior, I felt for him so much. For years, the abuse and neglect he went through would fuck up anyone.
But him working himself is so great, and him Huckslee working through all their shit to get to the other side was amazing to read. Their love shines through the pages, and for all the shit they went through, they get to be happy and in love for the rest of their lives.
Their HEA was so great and I loved it to bits. I hope we get a short or something in the future to possibly see them years down the line, setting into their life together? .
If not, we still on such a solid, happy note and I couldn't believe it was over when I got there. I couldn't get enough of these two.
What a journey they go on.
And I'm certainly excited to read about Xed and Matty next. They're going through some shit in the background of this book, so I know their story will have drama too, just of a different kind.
Absolutely can't wait for more from a new loved author! 😍
October 26, 2024
This is going to have major spoilers as a lot of my review was written while I was reading.
I wanted to DNF this about 25% in, I didn’t because I feel like there were so many 4 and 5 star reviews that just seem so similar and a lot of them were ARC copies. For a book to only have high star reviews weeks after release I just got suspicious, especially with it being such a long book. So I stuck it out to the end and while I enjoyed some parts this book was tough. Here’s my review.
Straight out of the gate there’s so many time jumps, chapters end like mid scene and then it’s a month later. The time jumps in the middle of scenes drove me crazy. I don’t want to see things happen in a flashback, a 600+ page book shouldn’t have time jumps and then past scene descriptions, just write the scene in the present and then do the jump. For so many pages there’s so many things we miss, it’s bizarre.
The first 30% of this book is tough to read. Taylor literally tortures Huckslee for years, physically and mentally beating him down, he’s also struggling with his sexuality being a secret that Taylor is holding over him. Ultimately ending in Huckslee attempting suicide after a particularly terrible incident that Taylor initiates.
Taylor is being abused by his father and this is the reason for him constantly attacking Huckslee, even though he no longer lives with his father he feels like because his father pays for his motocross bike that he has to continue to abuse Huck in case his drunk, abusive dad changes his mind in supporting Taylor.
There’s a 4 year time jump.
Huckslee comes back for an emergency with his father and everyone just expects him to be 100% okay with Taylor and everyone’s friendships with him.
We’re missing so much with the time jump, and it’s not ever talked about. What happened after prom? Huck lost his scholarship for trying to kill himself? Did he even apply to Berkeley pre-attempt, how did he just manage to get into Berkeley? What was his dad’s reaction to him being gay? Huckslee says a few times he fled to California for freedom to be himself but what happened before he left? Taylor goes to jail for breaking probation, what was that like?
Since there are so many time jumps, I’m not feeling the sympathy for Taylor that I think the author is trying to portray. We know very little about Taylor’s redemption but I’m supposed to just put aside the first 30% of the book and be all “oh he’s so cute and innocent”. First 30% Taylor and the other 70% Taylor are two completely different characters and because there’s a time jump and so many events and scenes not written I had a very hard time connecting the two people as one person who’s grown to be better.
Missed the draft. Comes up during like a group argument/discussion. No importance to it at all. Taylor got a new dragonfly tattoo that’s only mentioned in passing once Huck sees it, why didn’t we read about him getting the tattoo?
Part 3 -70% of the way through the 600+ page story and nothing is happening, they haven’t had sex, their future is undecided, their friends are all fighting.
They finally have sex for the first time in a lake, under a waterfall, with the whole group of friends on the other side. Unbelievable.
They fight and have sex and fight and have sex over and over again, while questioning if they’re even in a relationship or where the relationships going. It’s incredibly repetitive .
“We need to communicate”
They don’t
“We need to communicate”
They don’t
…and on and on it goes when it’ll stop no one knows.
And then it ends with Taylor recreating prom for Huckslee as a gift to him, Taylor pulls the curtain back on the stage and outs himself like he outed Huckslee 4 years before. It’s ridiculous, nothing is settled. Taylor had just spent 4 days ignoring Huckslee. There’s no conclusion to their trust issues, there’s no conclusion for Taylor’s alcoholism (he said he relies heavily on his friends to keep him sober and I don’t think that’s a smart, life long plan), we know so little about Huckslee’s professional football life or career, what’s the deal with Taylor’s mom Maisie, why does she hate Taylor so much? There’s just so many questions left unanswered.
In conclusion this book was a bit of a mess as I’m sure this review also is. So much of it happened off page which is crazy for a 600+ page book. Taylor somehow ends up being the victim, right up til the end Huck is apologizing for his part in their past. He was being bullied and beaten up day in and day out for 4+ years but somehow he should’ve been understanding and accepting of Taylor’s life and should’ve just known that there was a reasonable excuse for the abuse.
Logan and Salems story was a pretty big part of this book and unless I missed it, ended with no resolution.
I don’t think this author is for me.
I wanted to DNF this about 25% in, I didn’t because I feel like there were so many 4 and 5 star reviews that just seem so similar and a lot of them were ARC copies. For a book to only have high star reviews weeks after release I just got suspicious, especially with it being such a long book. So I stuck it out to the end and while I enjoyed some parts this book was tough. Here’s my review.
Straight out of the gate there’s so many time jumps, chapters end like mid scene and then it’s a month later. The time jumps in the middle of scenes drove me crazy. I don’t want to see things happen in a flashback, a 600+ page book shouldn’t have time jumps and then past scene descriptions, just write the scene in the present and then do the jump. For so many pages there’s so many things we miss, it’s bizarre.
The first 30% of this book is tough to read. Taylor literally tortures Huckslee for years, physically and mentally beating him down, he’s also struggling with his sexuality being a secret that Taylor is holding over him. Ultimately ending in Huckslee attempting suicide after a particularly terrible incident that Taylor initiates.
Taylor is being abused by his father and this is the reason for him constantly attacking Huckslee, even though he no longer lives with his father he feels like because his father pays for his motocross bike that he has to continue to abuse Huck in case his drunk, abusive dad changes his mind in supporting Taylor.
There’s a 4 year time jump.
Huckslee comes back for an emergency with his father and everyone just expects him to be 100% okay with Taylor and everyone’s friendships with him.
We’re missing so much with the time jump, and it’s not ever talked about. What happened after prom? Huck lost his scholarship for trying to kill himself? Did he even apply to Berkeley pre-attempt, how did he just manage to get into Berkeley? What was his dad’s reaction to him being gay? Huckslee says a few times he fled to California for freedom to be himself but what happened before he left? Taylor goes to jail for breaking probation, what was that like?
Since there are so many time jumps, I’m not feeling the sympathy for Taylor that I think the author is trying to portray. We know very little about Taylor’s redemption but I’m supposed to just put aside the first 30% of the book and be all “oh he’s so cute and innocent”. First 30% Taylor and the other 70% Taylor are two completely different characters and because there’s a time jump and so many events and scenes not written I had a very hard time connecting the two people as one person who’s grown to be better.
Missed the draft. Comes up during like a group argument/discussion. No importance to it at all. Taylor got a new dragonfly tattoo that’s only mentioned in passing once Huck sees it, why didn’t we read about him getting the tattoo?
Part 3 -70% of the way through the 600+ page story and nothing is happening, they haven’t had sex, their future is undecided, their friends are all fighting.
They finally have sex for the first time in a lake, under a waterfall, with the whole group of friends on the other side. Unbelievable.
They fight and have sex and fight and have sex over and over again, while questioning if they’re even in a relationship or where the relationships going. It’s incredibly repetitive .
“We need to communicate”
They don’t
“We need to communicate”
They don’t
…and on and on it goes when it’ll stop no one knows.
And then it ends with Taylor recreating prom for Huckslee as a gift to him, Taylor pulls the curtain back on the stage and outs himself like he outed Huckslee 4 years before. It’s ridiculous, nothing is settled. Taylor had just spent 4 days ignoring Huckslee. There’s no conclusion to their trust issues, there’s no conclusion for Taylor’s alcoholism (he said he relies heavily on his friends to keep him sober and I don’t think that’s a smart, life long plan), we know so little about Huckslee’s professional football life or career, what’s the deal with Taylor’s mom Maisie, why does she hate Taylor so much? There’s just so many questions left unanswered.
In conclusion this book was a bit of a mess as I’m sure this review also is. So much of it happened off page which is crazy for a 600+ page book. Taylor somehow ends up being the victim, right up til the end Huck is apologizing for his part in their past. He was being bullied and beaten up day in and day out for 4+ years but somehow he should’ve been understanding and accepting of Taylor’s life and should’ve just known that there was a reasonable excuse for the abuse.
Logan and Salems story was a pretty big part of this book and unless I missed it, ended with no resolution.
I don’t think this author is for me.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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October 23, 2024UPDATE after hearing more specifics, am tweaking this a bit, though, still a Nope for me.
I was greatly looking forward to reading this, it sounds like it is a stellar debut, but, the MCs aren't focused on only each other for quite a while. They are dating and physical with other people, including one scene on page with mentions of off page activity. What keeps it a Nope for me is that while the MCs are. I just can't.
However, if that won't bother you, or you like that kind of angst, it sounds like a really well-written debut, with a toxic enemies-who-are-lovers relationship. In which case, I hope you love it! The character development and voice sound really strong and engaging/immersive.
I still wish more authors would include "intimacy with non-MCs" with some context (on page? Off page? simultaneously while circling each other?) in their trigger warnings. It is a legit trigger for a lot of us and would help to make better decisions before reading. This one would definitely feel like cheating to me, but for many it won't and they'll love the angst. It sounds like the character arcs/journey is complex and well done and gut-wrenching.
I was greatly looking forward to reading this, it sounds like it is a stellar debut, but, the MCs aren't focused on only each other for quite a while. They are dating and physical with other people, including one scene on page with mentions of off page activity. What keeps it a Nope for me is that while the MCs are. I just can't.
However, if that won't bother you, or you like that kind of angst, it sounds like a really well-written debut, with a toxic enemies-who-are-lovers relationship. In which case, I hope you love it! The character development and voice sound really strong and engaging/immersive.
I still wish more authors would include "intimacy with non-MCs" with some context (on page? Off page? simultaneously while circling each other?) in their trigger warnings. It is a legit trigger for a lot of us and would help to make better decisions before reading. This one would definitely feel like cheating to me, but for many it won't and they'll love the angst. It sounds like the character arcs/journey is complex and well done and gut-wrenching.
October 23, 2024
Huckslee and Taylor are toxic together, and they know it, despite having Motocross in common and a bunch of mutual friends. It starts after a misunderstanding in 8th grade, and it continues until it just can't anymore. They were friends at one point, but friends devolved to enemies, and that's exactly what they are when Huckslee's dad marries Taylor's absent mom. Taylor is desperate to rid himself of the clutches of his abusive father, and moves in with his mom, Huckslee, and Huckslee’s dad. Maybe that's where it all went wrong... or maybe, that's where it all started to go right... eventually.
Holy cow. I have no words for the range of emotions this book made me feel. I'm still reeling honestly. It's a mammoth book, but it's so fucking worth it. This HEA is the hardest fought one I've ever seen. The tension? The fights? It's raunchy and delicious and unreal. I can't believe this is a debut novel. Bree writes BEAUTIFULLY. I spent almost the entire book being blown away by her storytelling, the way she writes, and the characters she created.
Holy cow. I have no words for the range of emotions this book made me feel. I'm still reeling honestly. It's a mammoth book, but it's so fucking worth it. This HEA is the hardest fought one I've ever seen. The tension? The fights? It's raunchy and delicious and unreal. I can't believe this is a debut novel. Bree writes BEAUTIFULLY. I spent almost the entire book being blown away by her storytelling, the way she writes, and the characters she created.
Shelved as 'dnf'
October 23, 2024A big DNF. I had high hopes for this but the tropes are not for me. The violence between the MCs is too much, broken arm and all and I couldn't' get past it. Also, sleeping with other people is something I really dislike.
Shelved as 'maybe-idk'
October 20, 2024Finding this when I'm in a middle of Lot 62, must be a sign.
But what kind of name is Huckslee (if it's his real name, that's child abuse)
But what kind of name is Huckslee (if it's his real name, that's child abuse)
October 23, 2024
**Full ARC Review **
When I say I ABSOLUTELY ate this book up is an understatement.
I love these two broken boys omg!!! I might come back to add more but right now all I can say is how much I really enjoyed this book. Huckslee and Taylor were dealing with so much behind the scenes and your heart just breaks for them. But then you fall in love with them at the same time. They are TOXIC ASF. I know the size of this book might seem intimidating but it was a breeze, I didn't feel like it lost momentum at all either so that's a plus. The feel of found family of this book might also be one of my favorite parts of it & I need all side characters to get their own book ASAP. I'm happy Huckslee and Taylor got their HEA & it was well deserved after everything they've been through.
Overall, I think Bree knocked it out of the park with this one. I've shead a few tears as also being stressed per usual when it comes to me reading books lol.
When I say I ABSOLUTELY ate this book up is an understatement.
I love these two broken boys omg!!! I might come back to add more but right now all I can say is how much I really enjoyed this book. Huckslee and Taylor were dealing with so much behind the scenes and your heart just breaks for them. But then you fall in love with them at the same time. They are TOXIC ASF. I know the size of this book might seem intimidating but it was a breeze, I didn't feel like it lost momentum at all either so that's a plus. The feel of found family of this book might also be one of my favorite parts of it & I need all side characters to get their own book ASAP. I'm happy Huckslee and Taylor got their HEA & it was well deserved after everything they've been through.
Overall, I think Bree knocked it out of the park with this one. I've shead a few tears as also being stressed per usual when it comes to me reading books lol.
September 10, 2024
I loved this book so much. I loved Taylor and Huck and their moments. I also loved how we get to see them deal with their trauma and how they apologize for the past and how we get to see their friends accept them together. It was sad what they both went thru but when they got together they helped each other overcome their trauma
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 25, 2024
I hesitated reviewing/rating this because of how excited I was for its release and the fact that I stayed up until 2am reading it only to really dislike it. This wasn't a bully romance. This was abuse. And disrespect. And terrible physical boundaries.
I will not be reading book 2 because the MC's in book2 are already shown to have been hooking up during book 1 but one MC (plans to) go back to his baby mama & the other kisses a random guy during Truth or Dare (the same guy Huck was considering kissing) causing angst & heartbreak already. I refuse to put myself through that.
At no point did these characters redeem themselves or give us readers a relationship to root for. I was unsettled throughout the entire thing and not in any good angst way.
Taylor’s harsh inhale echoes off the hallway walls as he pulls my arm backward until I yelp, something wet trickling into my eyes....bending my elbow unnaturally until I hear something break....The "something wet" is blood from Taylor bashing Huckslee's head into a doorjamb. Then leaves him to suffer alone! Mr.Romance also verbally berates him, repeatedly beats the absolute shit out of him, outs him at prom in from of the whole class & his dad causing so much anxiety to Huck that he goes home and tries to commit suicide, beats the crap out of Huckslee's dad (off page), steals & totals Huck's car, and God knows there's more.
Blondie is nowhere to be seen, but he’s watching me with an expression I can’t read whenever I glance over at the pool table.Blondie is one of several girls we get to witness Taylor hook up with. I thought it was a MF romance at one point. Taylor even gets a bj from his BFF's gf *swoon*. These morons play NHIE and Truth or Dare after deciding to be a couple. Taylor happily allows his BFF to apply a hickey to his shoulder and Huck seriously contemplates kissing another boy for 5 minutes🤦♀️ These are just a few of the zero boundary bullshits we have to deal with.
Four days. Four fucking days Taylor’s been gone, and I’m losing my mind.That quote is from 94% in because they love to run away from each other and go radio silent. That is my biggest pet-peeve ever. I mean it happened every damn time.
I will not be reading book 2 because the MC's in book2 are already shown to have been hooking up during book 1 but one MC (plans to) go back to his baby mama & the other kisses a random guy during Truth or Dare (the same guy Huck was considering kissing) causing angst & heartbreak already. I refuse to put myself through that.
At no point did these characters redeem themselves or give us readers a relationship to root for. I was unsettled throughout the entire thing and not in any good angst way.
October 21, 2024
4.5⭐️
3.75🌶️
OMG! YALL, This Book Was NOT What I Expected It To Be But OH LORD! It Was SO GOOD! This Was Such A Roller Coaster Of A Ride. Also The Fact That This Is The Authors FIRST BOOK! Like This Was ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC And Now Bree Is An Auto Buy Author For Me. I Must Read All Her Books😂💕 The Only Reason I Didn’t Give This A Five Star Was Because I Didn’t Get A Five Star Feeling While Reading This, BUT YALL, This Was Still Fabulous And I Stayed Up Till Almost 4am Reading This, If That Doesn’t Convince You To Read This I Don’t Know What Will Because This Was ADDICTING! I Couldn’t Put It Down. Huckslee And Taylor, GOD! There Story Is Honestly One I Will Never Forget Because The Heartbreak, The Trauma, The Pinning, The Back And Forth, The Romance, The Spice It Was Just All SO Beautiful To See Unravel. Taylor And Huckslee Is Now One Of My FAVORITE MM Couples Ever Because There Love Was Just SO Raw And Real And Had SO MANY LAYERS! And The Ending Was Just So Perfect And UGH! I Adore Them SM! I Also Cannot Wait For More Books In This Series Because Xed And Matt’s Book Is Next And I CANNOT WAIT! PLEASE GO READ THIS BOOK ON OCTOBER 21ST! You Will Not Regret It, Thank Me Later, One Of My FAV Books This Year.🫶💕
Tysm @breewimey For Giving Me The Arc I Really So Much Appreciate It.
3.75🌶️
OMG! YALL, This Book Was NOT What I Expected It To Be But OH LORD! It Was SO GOOD! This Was Such A Roller Coaster Of A Ride. Also The Fact That This Is The Authors FIRST BOOK! Like This Was ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC And Now Bree Is An Auto Buy Author For Me. I Must Read All Her Books😂💕 The Only Reason I Didn’t Give This A Five Star Was Because I Didn’t Get A Five Star Feeling While Reading This, BUT YALL, This Was Still Fabulous And I Stayed Up Till Almost 4am Reading This, If That Doesn’t Convince You To Read This I Don’t Know What Will Because This Was ADDICTING! I Couldn’t Put It Down. Huckslee And Taylor, GOD! There Story Is Honestly One I Will Never Forget Because The Heartbreak, The Trauma, The Pinning, The Back And Forth, The Romance, The Spice It Was Just All SO Beautiful To See Unravel. Taylor And Huckslee Is Now One Of My FAVORITE MM Couples Ever Because There Love Was Just SO Raw And Real And Had SO MANY LAYERS! And The Ending Was Just So Perfect And UGH! I Adore Them SM! I Also Cannot Wait For More Books In This Series Because Xed And Matt’s Book Is Next And I CANNOT WAIT! PLEASE GO READ THIS BOOK ON OCTOBER 21ST! You Will Not Regret It, Thank Me Later, One Of My FAV Books This Year.🫶💕
Tysm @breewimey For Giving Me The Arc I Really So Much Appreciate It.
October 27, 2024
I feel conflicted about this book because I kinda liked it but I also hated it.
What is it about? In short, we get a boy (Tyler) who's abused by his father so he abuses the boy (Huckslee) he supposedly likes, and then we're watching their journey in the course of many years.
It's a reeeeeally long book (almost 700 pages) so we get every thing you can imagine. What to expect: a stepbrother trope (not that necessarily in my opinion), from bullying to love (more like from abuse to abuse to abuse to abuse to boredom), abuse between the main characters, child abuse, mental health problems, religious people, cancer, a parent death, a pet death, motocross, American football, homophobia, internalized homophobia, forced coming out, a suicide attempt, a car crash. You name it! I'm really bummed we didn't get a coma.
So what I liked about it? The only thing I liked about this book is how I couldn't put it down — at least at first two parts mark. The third part felt unnecessary and made me feel bored, but the first two parts seemed interesting enough even though the book irritated me.
What I didn't like? Everything else. Let's start, shall we?
Time skips. There were many time jumps, and it's not like I'm against them in general but here they not only kept coming all the damn time and lacked consistency (one month, three months, four years etc. stuff like that) — they took away many emotional moments we were supposed to see.
A classic show vs tell problem. This book is not bad written by any means and it's not entirely in the "tell" category (if it was, I would drop it really fast) but, first of all, many important moments were not being shown to us (see my "time skips" point higher) and, second of all, the characters' emotions were being told. The characters kept telling us how they felt instead of showing us, so naturally I, as a reader, felt nothing and couldn't feel for them or believe them.
My main problem is the characters. All of them. I hated them all. Okay, maybe I liked Royce and Huck's father but you know the characters are not good when the only ones you like are the main character's temporarily boyfriend and his dad.
Let's start small. The parents:
Taylor's father is an abusive piece of shit and a druggie but even though that is very important for the plot we barely met that character. He didn't have a voice whatsoever and then he just died.
Taylor's mother is a piece of shit who left her seven years old son with his abusive father, and even when she came back she didn't give a damn about him. I don't understand her at all. She's not fleshed out and to be honest if she just never came back we could get the same plot results (I've already mentioned that I don't find a stepbrother trope necessarily here).
Huskslee's father is a bishop and he seems like a really nice guy. But I really don't understand how he fell in love with a woman like Taylor's mother and didn't he notice how his wife didn't care about her own son? (shouldn't religious people care about that stuff?)
Now for the friends! Oh man, did they give me a bad taste in my mouth! They are mostly Taylor's cause Huck is practically lonely as hell. They get high, fuck each other and don't have much personality except for being Taylor's friends. Taylor and Christian (his best friend) fuck each other's girlfriends both with and without permission countless times. Christian's girlfriend sucked Taylor's cock practically in front of her boyfriend and when they got caught Taylor and Christian beat each other up. Yikes. You could say they were dumb teenagers but years later they haven't changed that much to be honest. I mean, for me it's distasteful when your only personality trait is hooking up and doing drugs. Huckslee's only friend Logan is the opposite cause he's religious but he's boring as well. He's dating that girl Salem (Taylor's friend and ex-girlfriend) and I couldn't stop rolling my eyes. Are you seriously gonna tell me a girl who loves sex, had been in an open relationship and fucked her boyfriend in the ass suddenly gives up sex for a "monk"? (and it's all stupid because Logan doesn't want to have sex before marriage and Salem doesn't want to get married. What's the point then?). Nah, I don't believe she would've been faithful in real life. And Logan is okay with taking mushrooms but sex before marriage is where he's drawing the line? Uh uh.
AND NOW FOR THE MAIN COURSE.
TAYLOR. God, I hate him. I hate him so fucking much. Not only he's annoying, he's an abusive piece of shit. He is a victim of his father but I didn't feel much sympathy. Okay, so he's decided to stay silent about the abuse because he didn't want to lose connection with his friends and he wanted that scholarship. But was it an excuse to abuse the innocent guy you "like"? Absolutely not. I know what you think. I knew what I was getting into, it's a bullying trope. But the same trope can be written in many different ways and sometimes you can even let it slide for the sake of fiction if characters are charismatic enough. It's not the case here. It's not like Taylor doesn't have personality but he's one dimensional. He's pretty basic, lacking any charisma and it seems like all he does is being angry or playing the victim. Even when he says he's feeling guilty (again, says, not shows!) he manages to bring attention back to himself. I hated how the author tried to make it seem like both characters are equal, like they hurt each other the same way. A BIG NO. The only thing Huckslee did wrong is that blow job in the cabin (but again he didn't force it, Taylor was willing to do it), all the other times Huck was defending himself. Meanwhile, Taylor called him names and used different homophobic slurs, played horrible pranks on him (and Huckslee has anxiety), threatened to out him, beat him up, broke his arm, broke his car, tried to drown him "playfully" during a hand job, forced him to come out (and as a result Huck tried to kill himself). And I hate it then years later when Taylor says he ruined Huckslee's life, Salem says he didn't do it. What? He absolutely did! And I hate how most of the times when Huck and Taylor were having the talk, Huck ended up coddling Taylor and downplaying his actions. Yes, he did ruin his life. Look at them years later. Taylor says how he missed Huckslee and everything but he seems pretty happy to me. Motocross, friends, girlfriends. He got it all! And Huckslee? Huckslee got an anxiety disorder, the aftermath of his suicide attempt, a boyfriend after a boyfriend without happiness, and complete misery. This is not your childish bullying, this is abuse. Period. I hate this annoying Taylor shit.
I can't say much about Huckslee. He even less fleshed out than Taylor. It felt like Huck's only personality trait was liking and forgiving Taylor no matter what. And Huck was boring. At least Taylor had some fun. But I didn't hate Huckslee like I did Taylor — I felt sorry for him.
My final problem is the complete lack of romantic and sexual chemistry between the main characters. Taylor and Huckslee had way more chemistry with literally everyone else. It felt like Taylor was more straight than bisexual (I'm not talking about his internalized homophobia days right now). He had more chemistry with women than with Huck. Damn, he had more chemistry with Christian! This book is nearly 700 pages long but our main couple barely spent time together. Most of the times they were near each other, it was with a big company of friends in the room. They either fought or were glancing at each other while having fun with the friends. When they were alone, their conversations lacked romantic chemistry, their kisses didn't take my breath away. The sex was pretty basic and boring (there were a lot of sex in the third part and it felt so repetitive). It's really dry. It felt like the author was forcing the guys to be together and they didn't want to. And they've barely changed after high school. Yes, Taylor kinda acknowledged his mistakes and stopped beating shit out of Huckslee but other than that both characters didn't feel like grown-ups. They kept saying they're each other's forever but it was never proven with actions. See my problems with the book mentioned above. Huck and Taylor just talked about their feelings but never showed them. We were supposed to see Taylor when he was holding unconscious Huckslee in his hands. TIME JUMP!!! We were supposed to see at least a couple of times spent together during these two weeks after a fight with Logan but TIME JUMP!!! In the final act they finally spent time together but it felt like an unwanted, boring fluff — all "I love you baby" and "I wanna be with you forever" constantly. Ugh, I've got so tired. Somehow the plot disappeared during the part three. Let's not forget the most romantic moment in history: Taylor threw Huckslee a party in the same gym he had once outed him causing the suicide attempt! He could trigger him! (just so you know, Huckslee couldn't even live in his childhood home anymore because it triggered the memories but the gym was fine and romantic apparently. Yeah, sure).
I'm sorry, but even if we forget about the abuse the lack of chemistry killed the joy.
And I almost forgot to mention the miscommunications! They were super dumb and lazy. Yes, let's waste years of sobriety instead of talking because you saw your boyfriend being kissed by someone! Classic! By the way, they kept declaring their feelings to each other but then kept assuming the other was cheating like five seconds later. So much trust and love in this relationship! Hilarious.
In conclusion, I don't know If I can recommend this book. It's engaging at first but the third part was boring and repetitive. Also it's angsty at the start but the only time I cried is when I found out Lasagna the cat has died. If you're writing angst you need to add some breaks or reader's nervous system gets used to the angst pretty quickly and they won't feel anything anymore. Plus, this is a romance but I didn't feel any chemistry or love between the characters. I didn't care if they would stay together.
I want to finish this with Royce's quote which perfectly describes my feelings:
"He used to beat the shit out of you, call you names, totaled your car, and then outed you to your dad and everyone after you gave him your scholarship.” Royce sips his beer slowly, studying me. “I’m not one to judge, Huckslee, but that’s...wow.”
P.S. Wait, wait! I wanna add another one because it's priceless:
"Who would have thought? Taylor fucking Tottman, the kid that tormented me in high school daily, who constantly had me coming home covered in bruises, the boy who stole my first kiss and outed me to the entire community, would be mine? What’s even crazier is that I still fell in love with him despite it all."
What is it about? In short, we get a boy (Tyler) who's abused by his father so he abuses the boy (Huckslee) he supposedly likes, and then we're watching their journey in the course of many years.
It's a reeeeeally long book (almost 700 pages) so we get every thing you can imagine. What to expect: a stepbrother trope (not that necessarily in my opinion), from bullying to love (more like from abuse to abuse to abuse to abuse to boredom), abuse between the main characters, child abuse, mental health problems, religious people, cancer, a parent death, a pet death, motocross, American football, homophobia, internalized homophobia, forced coming out, a suicide attempt, a car crash. You name it! I'm really bummed we didn't get a coma.
So what I liked about it? The only thing I liked about this book is how I couldn't put it down — at least at first two parts mark. The third part felt unnecessary and made me feel bored, but the first two parts seemed interesting enough even though the book irritated me.
What I didn't like? Everything else. Let's start, shall we?
Time skips. There were many time jumps, and it's not like I'm against them in general but here they not only kept coming all the damn time and lacked consistency (one month, three months, four years etc. stuff like that) — they took away many emotional moments we were supposed to see.
A classic show vs tell problem. This book is not bad written by any means and it's not entirely in the "tell" category (if it was, I would drop it really fast) but, first of all, many important moments were not being shown to us (see my "time skips" point higher) and, second of all, the characters' emotions were being told. The characters kept telling us how they felt instead of showing us, so naturally I, as a reader, felt nothing and couldn't feel for them or believe them.
My main problem is the characters. All of them. I hated them all. Okay, maybe I liked Royce and Huck's father but you know the characters are not good when the only ones you like are the main character's temporarily boyfriend and his dad.
Let's start small. The parents:
Taylor's father is an abusive piece of shit and a druggie but even though that is very important for the plot we barely met that character. He didn't have a voice whatsoever and then he just died.
Taylor's mother is a piece of shit who left her seven years old son with his abusive father, and even when she came back she didn't give a damn about him. I don't understand her at all. She's not fleshed out and to be honest if she just never came back we could get the same plot results (I've already mentioned that I don't find a stepbrother trope necessarily here).
Huskslee's father is a bishop and he seems like a really nice guy. But I really don't understand how he fell in love with a woman like Taylor's mother and didn't he notice how his wife didn't care about her own son? (shouldn't religious people care about that stuff?)
Now for the friends! Oh man, did they give me a bad taste in my mouth! They are mostly Taylor's cause Huck is practically lonely as hell. They get high, fuck each other and don't have much personality except for being Taylor's friends. Taylor and Christian (his best friend) fuck each other's girlfriends both with and without permission countless times. Christian's girlfriend sucked Taylor's cock practically in front of her boyfriend and when they got caught Taylor and Christian beat each other up. Yikes. You could say they were dumb teenagers but years later they haven't changed that much to be honest. I mean, for me it's distasteful when your only personality trait is hooking up and doing drugs. Huckslee's only friend Logan is the opposite cause he's religious but he's boring as well. He's dating that girl Salem (Taylor's friend and ex-girlfriend) and I couldn't stop rolling my eyes. Are you seriously gonna tell me a girl who loves sex, had been in an open relationship and fucked her boyfriend in the ass suddenly gives up sex for a "monk"? (and it's all stupid because Logan doesn't want to have sex before marriage and Salem doesn't want to get married. What's the point then?). Nah, I don't believe she would've been faithful in real life. And Logan is okay with taking mushrooms but sex before marriage is where he's drawing the line? Uh uh.
AND NOW FOR THE MAIN COURSE.
TAYLOR. God, I hate him. I hate him so fucking much. Not only he's annoying, he's an abusive piece of shit. He is a victim of his father but I didn't feel much sympathy. Okay, so he's decided to stay silent about the abuse because he didn't want to lose connection with his friends and he wanted that scholarship. But was it an excuse to abuse the innocent guy you "like"? Absolutely not. I know what you think. I knew what I was getting into, it's a bullying trope. But the same trope can be written in many different ways and sometimes you can even let it slide for the sake of fiction if characters are charismatic enough. It's not the case here. It's not like Taylor doesn't have personality but he's one dimensional. He's pretty basic, lacking any charisma and it seems like all he does is being angry or playing the victim. Even when he says he's feeling guilty (again, says, not shows!) he manages to bring attention back to himself. I hated how the author tried to make it seem like both characters are equal, like they hurt each other the same way. A BIG NO. The only thing Huckslee did wrong is that blow job in the cabin (but again he didn't force it, Taylor was willing to do it), all the other times Huck was defending himself. Meanwhile, Taylor called him names and used different homophobic slurs, played horrible pranks on him (and Huckslee has anxiety), threatened to out him, beat him up, broke his arm, broke his car, tried to drown him "playfully" during a hand job, forced him to come out (and as a result Huck tried to kill himself). And I hate it then years later when Taylor says he ruined Huckslee's life, Salem says he didn't do it. What? He absolutely did! And I hate how most of the times when Huck and Taylor were having the talk, Huck ended up coddling Taylor and downplaying his actions. Yes, he did ruin his life. Look at them years later. Taylor says how he missed Huckslee and everything but he seems pretty happy to me. Motocross, friends, girlfriends. He got it all! And Huckslee? Huckslee got an anxiety disorder, the aftermath of his suicide attempt, a boyfriend after a boyfriend without happiness, and complete misery. This is not your childish bullying, this is abuse. Period. I hate this annoying Taylor shit.
I can't say much about Huckslee. He even less fleshed out than Taylor. It felt like Huck's only personality trait was liking and forgiving Taylor no matter what. And Huck was boring. At least Taylor had some fun. But I didn't hate Huckslee like I did Taylor — I felt sorry for him.
My final problem is the complete lack of romantic and sexual chemistry between the main characters. Taylor and Huckslee had way more chemistry with literally everyone else. It felt like Taylor was more straight than bisexual (I'm not talking about his internalized homophobia days right now). He had more chemistry with women than with Huck. Damn, he had more chemistry with Christian! This book is nearly 700 pages long but our main couple barely spent time together. Most of the times they were near each other, it was with a big company of friends in the room. They either fought or were glancing at each other while having fun with the friends. When they were alone, their conversations lacked romantic chemistry, their kisses didn't take my breath away. The sex was pretty basic and boring (there were a lot of sex in the third part and it felt so repetitive). It's really dry. It felt like the author was forcing the guys to be together and they didn't want to. And they've barely changed after high school. Yes, Taylor kinda acknowledged his mistakes and stopped beating shit out of Huckslee but other than that both characters didn't feel like grown-ups. They kept saying they're each other's forever but it was never proven with actions. See my problems with the book mentioned above. Huck and Taylor just talked about their feelings but never showed them. We were supposed to see Taylor when he was holding unconscious Huckslee in his hands. TIME JUMP!!! We were supposed to see at least a couple of times spent together during these two weeks after a fight with Logan but TIME JUMP!!! In the final act they finally spent time together but it felt like an unwanted, boring fluff — all "I love you baby" and "I wanna be with you forever" constantly. Ugh, I've got so tired. Somehow the plot disappeared during the part three. Let's not forget the most romantic moment in history: Taylor threw Huckslee a party in the same gym he had once outed him causing the suicide attempt! He could trigger him! (just so you know, Huckslee couldn't even live in his childhood home anymore because it triggered the memories but the gym was fine and romantic apparently. Yeah, sure).
I'm sorry, but even if we forget about the abuse the lack of chemistry killed the joy.
And I almost forgot to mention the miscommunications! They were super dumb and lazy. Yes, let's waste years of sobriety instead of talking because you saw your boyfriend being kissed by someone! Classic! By the way, they kept declaring their feelings to each other but then kept assuming the other was cheating like five seconds later. So much trust and love in this relationship! Hilarious.
In conclusion, I don't know If I can recommend this book. It's engaging at first but the third part was boring and repetitive. Also it's angsty at the start but the only time I cried is when I found out Lasagna the cat has died. If you're writing angst you need to add some breaks or reader's nervous system gets used to the angst pretty quickly and they won't feel anything anymore. Plus, this is a romance but I didn't feel any chemistry or love between the characters. I didn't care if they would stay together.
I want to finish this with Royce's quote which perfectly describes my feelings:
"He used to beat the shit out of you, call you names, totaled your car, and then outed you to your dad and everyone after you gave him your scholarship.” Royce sips his beer slowly, studying me. “I’m not one to judge, Huckslee, but that’s...wow.”
P.S. Wait, wait! I wanna add another one because it's priceless:
"Who would have thought? Taylor fucking Tottman, the kid that tormented me in high school daily, who constantly had me coming home covered in bruises, the boy who stole my first kiss and outed me to the entire community, would be mine? What’s even crazier is that I still fell in love with him despite it all."
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 22, 2024
4.75⭐️
this book really surprised me!! it truly came out of nowhere, i knew i was going to like it but i had no idea how much. the fact that this is bree’s debut novel is so crazy to me, she truly did such an amazing job! her writing is amazing, this is a long book but i sat and binged it in a day and a half. the story just flows seamlessly. also i haven’t read many books set in my state so having that in this book was fun! now these characters! they aren’t perfect and they’ve all made plenty of mistakes but i loved that, it felt so real and raw. by the end of this book i was completely obsessed with every character and i can’t wait for matt and xed’s book!
huckslee and taylor’s relationship was a slow burn and it was so satisfying to watch it unfold. these two just compliment each other so well, they have a long history but seeing their relationship develop is beautiful to watch. huckslee and taylor completely stole my heart and they won’t be giving it back. they’re both such complex characters and it makes it so easy to connect to them. i just completely loved this, i can’t recommend enough!
this book really surprised me!! it truly came out of nowhere, i knew i was going to like it but i had no idea how much. the fact that this is bree’s debut novel is so crazy to me, she truly did such an amazing job! her writing is amazing, this is a long book but i sat and binged it in a day and a half. the story just flows seamlessly. also i haven’t read many books set in my state so having that in this book was fun! now these characters! they aren’t perfect and they’ve all made plenty of mistakes but i loved that, it felt so real and raw. by the end of this book i was completely obsessed with every character and i can’t wait for matt and xed’s book!
huckslee and taylor’s relationship was a slow burn and it was so satisfying to watch it unfold. these two just compliment each other so well, they have a long history but seeing their relationship develop is beautiful to watch. huckslee and taylor completely stole my heart and they won’t be giving it back. they’re both such complex characters and it makes it so easy to connect to them. i just completely loved this, i can’t recommend enough!
October 20, 2024
🌟 4.5 stars 🌟
This is an author to watch. It's Bree's debut novel.
These are the stories that make me fall in love with MM Romance, all over again.
Great cast of characters, an all-round great story. 😘 to the spice. It is a lengthy story, but once you are drawn into the lives of these 2 broken boys, Taylor & Huckslee, time just flies by.
This is a must-read. Themes: stepbrothers, enemies to lovers, found family, bi-awakening, mental health rep.
I'm really happy to have received this ARC. Thank you, Bree Wiley! ❤
This is an author to watch. It's Bree's debut novel.
These are the stories that make me fall in love with MM Romance, all over again.
Great cast of characters, an all-round great story. 😘 to the spice. It is a lengthy story, but once you are drawn into the lives of these 2 broken boys, Taylor & Huckslee, time just flies by.
This is a must-read. Themes: stepbrothers, enemies to lovers, found family, bi-awakening, mental health rep.
I'm really happy to have received this ARC. Thank you, Bree Wiley! ❤
November 5, 2024
4.🌟
I absolutely loved this book, it was beautiful, toxic, and just too good.
The character development was wonderful, every circumstance that happened between them was a sea of emotions, and the way the important issues were dealt with was simply so rewarding.
Now, some readers may not like the story and the vibes themselves, and that's totally understandable, but it's simple, you either like it or you hate it.
Anyway, I definitely don't regret spending the last few hours of the entire day reading 684 pages ❤🩹
I absolutely loved this book, it was beautiful, toxic, and just too good.
The character development was wonderful, every circumstance that happened between them was a sea of emotions, and the way the important issues were dealt with was simply so rewarding.
Now, some readers may not like the story and the vibes themselves, and that's totally understandable, but it's simple, you either like it or you hate it.
Anyway, I definitely don't regret spending the last few hours of the entire day reading 684 pages ❤🩹
September 8, 2024
4.5🌟
I did not expect the story to be this full circle. For a Debut novel, this is VERY IMPRESSIVE.
ARC REVIEW! ARC REVIEW!
The name of this book is pretty spot on for the story and I like the sentiment attached to it, I like how the story wasn’t rushed but paced properly with all the trauma, all the mental health rep, all the found family vibes, all the drama to keep thoroughly entertained.
I like how throughout the book you see Huck and Taylor unwind the band of toxicity around their relationship and create something BEAUTIFUL with it.
Words can also not explain the roller coaster my emotions went through while reading; writhing 10 minutes alone, I was angry, sad, tense, cringing, frustrated asf and that was just crazzzy.
Lowkey felt like watching a movie tbh and maybe in another lifetime, I’ll say the book is too long but for the HEA these boys needed, it was necessary and worth it.
Excited for Matt and Xed’s book and I need it like yesterday
I did not expect the story to be this full circle. For a Debut novel, this is VERY IMPRESSIVE.
ARC REVIEW! ARC REVIEW!
The name of this book is pretty spot on for the story and I like the sentiment attached to it, I like how the story wasn’t rushed but paced properly with all the trauma, all the mental health rep, all the found family vibes, all the drama to keep thoroughly entertained.
I like how throughout the book you see Huck and Taylor unwind the band of toxicity around their relationship and create something BEAUTIFUL with it.
Words can also not explain the roller coaster my emotions went through while reading; writhing 10 minutes alone, I was angry, sad, tense, cringing, frustrated asf and that was just crazzzy.
Lowkey felt like watching a movie tbh and maybe in another lifetime, I’ll say the book is too long but for the HEA these boys needed, it was necessary and worth it.
Excited for Matt and Xed’s book and I need it like yesterday
Read
October 16, 2024I really wanted to love this one but there were just too many things that didn’t work for me. The many random time jumps being the main thing. Something would happen to end a chapter, and I’d expect the scene to continue in the next, but instead, it would be x amount of days or weeks later and the two mcs haven’t spoken or even seen each other. I could’ve gotten past this if it were only a couple times, but it just happened way too often for me. I’m also personally not a fan of miscommunication, or complete lack thereof, and that was a huge part of this book, so I don’t think any rating I could give this would be fair.
There’s definitely more but I don’t generally enjoy leaving negative reviews, especially if it’s an ARC, so I’m going to leave it at that.
I do plan to give this author another go in the future, especially if Xed and Matt get a book. A lot of times I wanted to know more about what was going on with them vs what was happening with our two mcs.
Looking at all of these positive reviews, I realize I’m in the minority with my opinion on this book. I definitely understand why some people would love it, but for me, it just didn’t hit the nail on the head.
There’s definitely more but I don’t generally enjoy leaving negative reviews, especially if it’s an ARC, so I’m going to leave it at that.
I do plan to give this author another go in the future, especially if Xed and Matt get a book. A lot of times I wanted to know more about what was going on with them vs what was happening with our two mcs.
Looking at all of these positive reviews, I realize I’m in the minority with my opinion on this book. I definitely understand why some people would love it, but for me, it just didn’t hit the nail on the head.
September 8, 2024
4.5🌟
🖤~ Small town
🖤~ sports( Motorcross, Football)
🖤~ Bully
🖤~ Stepbrothers
🖤~ Mental health Rep
🖤~ Slow burn
🖤~ Bi~ Awakening Rep
For a debut novel, this was a masterpiece and I don't say that lightly, I’m so glad I got an arc for this book and I can't wait for others to read.
This book is about Hucks and Taylor who go from friends to enemies to stepbrothers to lovers, reading these two grow and struggle with their mental health, and abusive and neglectful parents, and still find love in the midst of all of these was so beautiful. You honestly can't pick a side, one minute you siding with Hucks, and the next you are with Taylor.Their love is so toxic but I’m glad they found peace and happiness . I love the side characters too especially my girl Saleem but I’m looking forward to Matty and Xed love.
This book is very long, so if you ain’t a fan of longs books, you wouldn’t be patient and enjoy this..
🖤~ Small town
🖤~ sports( Motorcross, Football)
🖤~ Bully
🖤~ Stepbrothers
🖤~ Mental health Rep
🖤~ Slow burn
🖤~ Bi~ Awakening Rep
For a debut novel, this was a masterpiece and I don't say that lightly, I’m so glad I got an arc for this book and I can't wait for others to read.
This book is about Hucks and Taylor who go from friends to enemies to stepbrothers to lovers, reading these two grow and struggle with their mental health, and abusive and neglectful parents, and still find love in the midst of all of these was so beautiful. You honestly can't pick a side, one minute you siding with Hucks, and the next you are with Taylor.Their love is so toxic but I’m glad they found peace and happiness . I love the side characters too especially my girl Saleem but I’m looking forward to Matty and Xed love.
This book is very long, so if you ain’t a fan of longs books, you wouldn’t be patient and enjoy this..
October 20, 2024
⭐️ Enemies to Lovers
⭐️ Step brothers
⭐️ Motorcross
⭐️ Football
⭐️ Mental Health
⭐️ Spice 🌶🌶🌶🌶
" I saw your light out here and had to follow because I'm a satellite.” “A satellite, huh?
"Finding Delaware" serves as an impressive debut, captivating & compelling read. The story centers around Huck and Tay, step-siblings who navigate the complexities of life and personal growth. Despite encountering challenging moments, they demonstrate resilience and ultimately embrace their emotions. They both have some dark moments to overcome. The story dealt with bullying, abuse, and mental health. I loved how they bonded over motorcross. This was a mid angst and a dang good spicy read. Loved these boys! This was a hard fought HEA, and the story was told so well. I can't wait for more stories from Bree!
⭐️ Step brothers
⭐️ Motorcross
⭐️ Football
⭐️ Mental Health
⭐️ Spice 🌶🌶🌶🌶
" I saw your light out here and had to follow because I'm a satellite.” “A satellite, huh?
"Finding Delaware" serves as an impressive debut, captivating & compelling read. The story centers around Huck and Tay, step-siblings who navigate the complexities of life and personal growth. Despite encountering challenging moments, they demonstrate resilience and ultimately embrace their emotions. They both have some dark moments to overcome. The story dealt with bullying, abuse, and mental health. I loved how they bonded over motorcross. This was a mid angst and a dang good spicy read. Loved these boys! This was a hard fought HEA, and the story was told so well. I can't wait for more stories from Bree!
October 29, 2024
4 starssss⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Pffiuu, this was a wild run!
There are some things to say about this book:
It's intense, it gives strong vibes, you get attached to the characters (even secondary ones) and it's a good mix of angst, drama, pining and toxicity, just what I usually love to read so it kept me hooked with all the crazy dynamics, it was captivating --- BUT why 4 stars and not 5?
Well, there were some things I would have LOOOVED to see on page, like some of the lovely, tender scenes between Huck and Taylor that were just summarized.
I didn't particularly like the time jumps --- I mean, I was reading about a shocking event, finished the chapter, and in the next one 3 months had passed, and I'm not going to lie I felt like I was cut off, like I was struggling to get back in tune with the two MCs, because the author was only summarizing their state of mind/emotions/actions after that event, I didn't experience it with them, and that kind of bugged me while reading.
Also I was left with so many questions: what about the Taylor’s time in jail? What about his addiction? What about his relapse? I would’ve known that part in its entirety and not just summarized or treated in the surface, ya know?
Another thing I wanted to know is Taylor’s mother: as soon as I got to 90% I thought there would be some kind of "closure", letting me understand for example, what happened to Taylor's mother to treat him in such a harsh way? I mean, she can't be just a colossal BITCH... right?
However, flaws aside, I loved Bree's writing, she's so talented and it's crazy that THIS was her debut... wow! Can’t wait to read Xed and Matt’s book. I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THEM! 🗣️🗣️🗣️
Pffiuu, this was a wild run!
There are some things to say about this book:
It's intense, it gives strong vibes, you get attached to the characters (even secondary ones) and it's a good mix of angst, drama, pining and toxicity, just what I usually love to read so it kept me hooked with all the crazy dynamics, it was captivating --- BUT why 4 stars and not 5?
Well, there were some things I would have LOOOVED to see on page, like some of the lovely, tender scenes between Huck and Taylor that were just summarized.
I didn't particularly like the time jumps --- I mean, I was reading about a shocking event, finished the chapter, and in the next one 3 months had passed, and I'm not going to lie I felt like I was cut off, like I was struggling to get back in tune with the two MCs, because the author was only summarizing their state of mind/emotions/actions after that event, I didn't experience it with them, and that kind of bugged me while reading.
Also I was left with so many questions: what about the Taylor’s time in jail? What about his addiction? What about his relapse? I would’ve known that part in its entirety and not just summarized or treated in the surface, ya know?
Another thing I wanted to know is Taylor’s mother: as soon as I got to 90% I thought there would be some kind of "closure", letting me understand for example, what happened to Taylor's mother to treat him in such a harsh way? I mean, she can't be just a colossal BITCH... right?
However, flaws aside, I loved Bree's writing, she's so talented and it's crazy that THIS was her debut... wow! Can’t wait to read Xed and Matt’s book. I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THEM! 🗣️🗣️🗣️
October 27, 2024
A top read of mine this year.
Unpopular opinion but I LOVE a long book and often find myself being put off books under 300 pages unless it's a novella. Spending time with characters for longer, when they're thoroughly developed and have multiple facets to their lives and personalities is only a good thing to me and this book delivered on that, being over 600 pages.
From the get go I couldn't put this down and I am such a sucker for the gritty and dark and found family vibes, I loved the motocross aspect and I loved all the side characters and can't wait for their stories. I think this author is brilliant and will be reading everything else they release.
I also love a side of pain and heartbreak with my romance books which this had and what a lot of painful and heartbreaking moments there were - making the HEA that much sweeter. I also learned to LOVE the name Huckslee who'd have thought it?!
Huckslee and Taylor were really unforgettable and I'll miss being in their world a lot.
Unpopular opinion but I LOVE a long book and often find myself being put off books under 300 pages unless it's a novella. Spending time with characters for longer, when they're thoroughly developed and have multiple facets to their lives and personalities is only a good thing to me and this book delivered on that, being over 600 pages.
From the get go I couldn't put this down and I am such a sucker for the gritty and dark and found family vibes, I loved the motocross aspect and I loved all the side characters and can't wait for their stories. I think this author is brilliant and will be reading everything else they release.
I also love a side of pain and heartbreak with my romance books which this had and what a lot of painful and heartbreaking moments there were - making the HEA that much sweeter. I also learned to LOVE the name Huckslee who'd have thought it?!
Huckslee and Taylor were really unforgettable and I'll miss being in their world a lot.
November 3, 2024
I hated everyone and his mother in this book. The main characters were both assholes. I almost dnfed multiple times but like with a train wreck I couldn’t look away.
Apart from the character flaws of everyone the story was here and there. The issue with the parents were never really solved. The author couldn’t decide what her characters exactly are. Not only in life also in the bedroom. Suddenly they have sort of bdsm sex? What?
Mc2 did something to mc1 that cannot be forgiven. But 4 years late mc1 apologizes because mc2 was abused or whatever. I skimmed a good portion of this book. The endless drama made me crazy. Also the whole ignoring for 4 days for reasons thing? I wanted to smack everyone. In their face.
The friends were also super assholes. I guess they’re getting own books. Guess who won’t read them?
Me. I’m so done with this.
Not recommended.
Apart from the character flaws of everyone the story was here and there. The issue with the parents were never really solved. The author couldn’t decide what her characters exactly are. Not only in life also in the bedroom. Suddenly they have sort of bdsm sex? What?
Mc2 did something to mc1 that cannot be forgiven. But 4 years late mc1 apologizes because mc2 was abused or whatever. I skimmed a good portion of this book. The endless drama made me crazy. Also the whole ignoring for 4 days for reasons thing? I wanted to smack everyone. In their face.
The friends were also super assholes. I guess they’re getting own books. Guess who won’t read them?
Me. I’m so done with this.
Not recommended.
October 27, 2024
DNF @35%
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