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Free Fall #4
Living Out Loud
Ben Emerson has lived by his minister father’s rules most of his life. Born into an ultra-conservative church community, he’s finally brave enough to break free and move to San Francisco. Distancing himself certainly helps create a new mindset, but living as an openly gay man takes some getting used to. When he reaches out to Xavier, a childhood friend who lives in the city, Ben isn’t sure how he’ll respond given their thorny history. Ben hopes the familiar connection will help him right some wrongs as well as provide the solace he’s been craving.
Xavier Ramos is who he is, and he doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks. Whether it’s eyeliner, nail polish, tattoos or his love of hooking up, he uses his body as a form of self-expression but doesn’t let anyone get too close. When Ben reenters his life, Xavier helps him experience the city and feel comfortable in his own skin. Seeing the world through Ben’s eyes, he begins to wonder if he’s also not living as freely as he thought.
When Xavier challenges Ben’s beliefs about sex, it becomes explosive—for both of them. Xavier breaks apart Ben’s sheltered world and shows him what it’s like to live out loud. The more time they spend together, the more Xavier begins to long for Ben in a different way—one that both surprises and scares him. But real life doesn’t fade into the background, so when Ben’s past comes knocking, old habits are hard to break. Testing the foundation of their deepening connection will take a trust that will either bind them…or tear them apart.
*TW for homophobia
**Riley Hart writing as Nyrae Dawn
**Ben is from PAINT THE STARS and Xavier is from A HUNDRED THOUSAND WORDS, but LIVING OUT LOUD can be read as a complete standalone.
Xavier Ramos is who he is, and he doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks. Whether it’s eyeliner, nail polish, tattoos or his love of hooking up, he uses his body as a form of self-expression but doesn’t let anyone get too close. When Ben reenters his life, Xavier helps him experience the city and feel comfortable in his own skin. Seeing the world through Ben’s eyes, he begins to wonder if he’s also not living as freely as he thought.
When Xavier challenges Ben’s beliefs about sex, it becomes explosive—for both of them. Xavier breaks apart Ben’s sheltered world and shows him what it’s like to live out loud. The more time they spend together, the more Xavier begins to long for Ben in a different way—one that both surprises and scares him. But real life doesn’t fade into the background, so when Ben’s past comes knocking, old habits are hard to break. Testing the foundation of their deepening connection will take a trust that will either bind them…or tear them apart.
*TW for homophobia
**Riley Hart writing as Nyrae Dawn
**Ben is from PAINT THE STARS and Xavier is from A HUNDRED THOUSAND WORDS, but LIVING OUT LOUD can be read as a complete standalone.
238 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 7, 2017
About the author
Nyrae Dawn
29 books3,920 followersI am a compulsive reader and writer who loves YA fiction.
I love nothing more than writing about young adults. There is something so fresh and fun about it. You can pretty much always find me with a book in my hand or open document in front of me.
I live in Southern California with my husband and two children.
I love nothing more than writing about young adults. There is something so fresh and fun about it. You can pretty much always find me with a book in my hand or open document in front of me.
I live in Southern California with my husband and two children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 174 reviews
January 31, 2022
3.5 stars
This story turned out to be sweeter and more tender than I expected and I really enjoyed it, even though there are things I'm usually not fond of.
I liked both Ben and Xavier. I do feel they jumped into the arrangement too quickly after meeting for the first time, but thankfully, it wasn't all physical. I liked watching them reconnect and I liked how their relationship developed throughout the story. Second chance is one of my favourite tropes and I think it was done well here.
5 stars for the audiobook. I loved Wyatt Kelley and Max T. Mitchell as narrators. I think they have perfect voices for the characters and their narration felt so genuine and emotional, it felt like I was really listening to Ben and Xavier. I've noticed that Xavier's name was pronounced differently at times, but I didn't mind it that much.
I'm surprised that I couldn't find any other audiobooks narrated by either of them, unless they use different names.
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Re-read: 7/2021
Re-read: 1/2022
This story turned out to be sweeter and more tender than I expected and I really enjoyed it, even though there are things I'm usually not fond of.
I liked both Ben and Xavier. I do feel they jumped into the arrangement too quickly after meeting for the first time, but thankfully, it wasn't all physical. I liked watching them reconnect and I liked how their relationship developed throughout the story. Second chance is one of my favourite tropes and I think it was done well here.
5 stars for the audiobook. I loved Wyatt Kelley and Max T. Mitchell as narrators. I think they have perfect voices for the characters and their narration felt so genuine and emotional, it felt like I was really listening to Ben and Xavier. I've noticed that Xavier's name was pronounced differently at times, but I didn't mind it that much.
I'm surprised that I couldn't find any other audiobooks narrated by either of them, unless they use different names.
*********
Re-read: 7/2021
Re-read: 1/2022
September 8, 2017
If you read Paint the Stars, the third book in the Free Fall series, you may remember Ben. He's Ezra's ex, the one who walked away, the one who attempted to reconcile with Ezra as if he hadn't ripped out Ezra's heart and stomped on it for good measure.
Ben is the child of a preacher and his devout wife. Ben's parents loved him ... but not all of him. When they discovered Ben was gay, they attempted to pray the gay away, and when that didn't work, they sent Ben to the horror that is conversion therapy.
Reading about what happened to Ben made me sick and angry, so angry that this kind of therapy is legal, that a parent could do something so brutal and cruel to their child.
Ben is a good person: gentle, shy, and sexually repressed, the very opposite of his childhood friend Xavier, who with his piercings and tats, personifies sexual abandon. Xavier is free and open. He has pre- and post-bang kits; he's considerate like that, even to his random hook-ups.
Ben and Xavier bring out the best in each other. Their relationship develops naturally from friends who experiment to lovers who share a deep, abiding connection. When Ben unexpectedly has to return home, Xavier is scared that Ben won't come back; after all, Ben left Ezra. Why wouldn't he leave Xavier?
Living Out Loud is a the best kind of friends-to-lovers book: tender, relatively low angst (particularly considering the nightmare that is Ben's past), and insanely SEXY. Xavier is determined to show Ben how good sexual "play" can be, and he is a wonderful teacher, always thinking about Ben's pleasure.
The last chapter is ALL THE THINGS. I dare you not to cry a little, not tears of sorrow but tears of JOY.
Ben is the child of a preacher and his devout wife. Ben's parents loved him ... but not all of him. When they discovered Ben was gay, they attempted to pray the gay away, and when that didn't work, they sent Ben to the horror that is conversion therapy.
Reading about what happened to Ben made me sick and angry, so angry that this kind of therapy is legal, that a parent could do something so brutal and cruel to their child.
Ben is a good person: gentle, shy, and sexually repressed, the very opposite of his childhood friend Xavier, who with his piercings and tats, personifies sexual abandon. Xavier is free and open. He has pre- and post-bang kits; he's considerate like that, even to his random hook-ups.
Ben and Xavier bring out the best in each other. Their relationship develops naturally from friends who experiment to lovers who share a deep, abiding connection. When Ben unexpectedly has to return home, Xavier is scared that Ben won't come back; after all, Ben left Ezra. Why wouldn't he leave Xavier?
Living Out Loud is a the best kind of friends-to-lovers book: tender, relatively low angst (particularly considering the nightmare that is Ben's past), and insanely SEXY. Xavier is determined to show Ben how good sexual "play" can be, and he is a wonderful teacher, always thinking about Ben's pleasure.
The last chapter is ALL THE THINGS. I dare you not to cry a little, not tears of sorrow but tears of JOY.
"When we're together I feel like ... like I'm finally home." ...
"Home, huh? My place is pretty shitty." ...
I climb onto [Xavier's] lap and place my hand against his battering heart. "This right here. This is home. Anywhere you are."
September 15, 2017
I struggled with this one. It started out pretty good. But I don't know, then it just fell flat.
The plot was pretty basic and uneventful (until the dreaded 75% mark). Not really much happened, the pacing was really slow. Once Ben and Xavier reunite the rest of the book is about Xavier trying to get Ben to embrace his sexual side. To be more confident and accepting of who he is.
Xavier's chapters felt very repetitive and were more telling us what he felt vs showing us how he felt. I much preferred Ben's chapters.
This was a sexy book no doubt. Xavier had a kinky side to him. But it wasn't enough for me here. By about the 50% mark I started skimming. I also thought it turned a bit cheesy once Ben and Xavier admit to things being more than sex.
The drama at the 75% mark was eye roll inducing and pretty much solidified my rather meh feelings about the book. Luckily it didn't drag out but was still unnecessary in my opinion.
I normally enjoy Riley Hart's solo stuff....as Nyrae Dawn she's more hit or miss....and when collaborating I've unfortunately found her to be a miss. Christina Lee is also hit or miss for me.
The plot was pretty basic and uneventful (until the dreaded 75% mark). Not really much happened, the pacing was really slow. Once Ben and Xavier reunite the rest of the book is about Xavier trying to get Ben to embrace his sexual side. To be more confident and accepting of who he is.
Xavier's chapters felt very repetitive and were more telling us what he felt vs showing us how he felt. I much preferred Ben's chapters.
This was a sexy book no doubt. Xavier had a kinky side to him. But it wasn't enough for me here. By about the 50% mark I started skimming. I also thought it turned a bit cheesy once Ben and Xavier admit to things being more than sex.
The drama at the 75% mark was eye roll inducing and pretty much solidified my rather meh feelings about the book. Luckily it didn't drag out but was still unnecessary in my opinion.
I normally enjoy Riley Hart's solo stuff....as Nyrae Dawn she's more hit or miss....and when collaborating I've unfortunately found her to be a miss. Christina Lee is also hit or miss for me.
April 4, 2018
4 strong stars
I really loved this one! It has my favorite tropes: friends-to-lovers AND second chance romance.
I loved the dual POV, the super hot scenes and it has just a little bit of angst, but it worked pretty well here. What got to me would be the horrific experience Ben had, going to a conversion camp. He was sent there by his very religious family.
This story kept my attention and I was glued to the pages. What started as a friends-with-benefits relationship bloomed into so much more.
I was extremely pleased with the attraction here and there were many emotional scenes, as Ben was determined to finally LIVE out loud without being ashamed or feeling the need to hide he was gay and in love with his best friend. They reconnected after many years and even if they were extremely different, they fell into place so fast.
Great writing, great pace, a lot of hot scenes and a sweet and wonderful ending.
I really loved this one! It has my favorite tropes: friends-to-lovers AND second chance romance.
I loved the dual POV, the super hot scenes and it has just a little bit of angst, but it worked pretty well here. What got to me would be the horrific experience Ben had, going to a conversion camp. He was sent there by his very religious family.
This story kept my attention and I was glued to the pages. What started as a friends-with-benefits relationship bloomed into so much more.
I was extremely pleased with the attraction here and there were many emotional scenes, as Ben was determined to finally LIVE out loud without being ashamed or feeling the need to hide he was gay and in love with his best friend. They reconnected after many years and even if they were extremely different, they fell into place so fast.
Great writing, great pace, a lot of hot scenes and a sweet and wonderful ending.
October 16, 2018
Re-read October 2018
Still a very enjoyable read.
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Very sexy.
Even though I loved the sexy times and was happy to see Ben overcome his 'pray the gay away' conditioning, it did get a bit much eventually. There's A LOT of sex in this.
Ben has just moved to San Francisco. He is finally out from under the thumb of his religious family and is ready to really live now. But he has no idea how to do that. How does he stop feeling ashamed for being gay when conversion camp taught him he is dirty and an abomination for even thinking of sex in any way?
Ben is glad he contacted his old friend Xander. Even though they last saw each other when they were 15, when they meet up again after Ben sends a Facebook message, it feels like they still know each other.
Xander has changed a lot since he was 15. He is unapologetically gay, tattooed, pierced, and doesn’t give a damn about people’s opinions of him. Ben envies that part of Xander and wants to be able to live like that as well. Perhaps without the tattoos and the piercings then.
When Ben asks Xander to help him overcome his difficulties with being gay and having sex, Xander is thrilled. Ever since he saw Ben again he has been extremely attracted to the timid man. But it can only be sex. No feelings. And no kissing. Those are Xander’s rules. And Ben agrees. Sex only… no feelings…. right?
These guys were great together. I loved how they already knew each other as children so they could skip a lot of the get to know you stuff. Xander knew about Ben’s upbringing and really wanted to help him feel better about himself.
There is lots of comfort in this and I really liked those parts. Ben was so hurt and had a lot of issues with sex. I loved how patient Xander was with him and how they explored each other in bed.
I was very happy to see there wasn’t a lot of relationship angst here. There is a small moment where Xander panics but that was 1 page. And later on we get a little misunderstanding, but it was over before I knew it.
Such a sexy and sweet hurt/comfort book about living your life like you want to, out loud.
Still a very enjoyable read.
-----------------------
Very sexy.
Even though I loved the sexy times and was happy to see Ben overcome his 'pray the gay away' conditioning, it did get a bit much eventually. There's A LOT of sex in this.
Ben has just moved to San Francisco. He is finally out from under the thumb of his religious family and is ready to really live now. But he has no idea how to do that. How does he stop feeling ashamed for being gay when conversion camp taught him he is dirty and an abomination for even thinking of sex in any way?
Ben is glad he contacted his old friend Xander. Even though they last saw each other when they were 15, when they meet up again after Ben sends a Facebook message, it feels like they still know each other.
Xander has changed a lot since he was 15. He is unapologetically gay, tattooed, pierced, and doesn’t give a damn about people’s opinions of him. Ben envies that part of Xander and wants to be able to live like that as well. Perhaps without the tattoos and the piercings then.
When Ben asks Xander to help him overcome his difficulties with being gay and having sex, Xander is thrilled. Ever since he saw Ben again he has been extremely attracted to the timid man. But it can only be sex. No feelings. And no kissing. Those are Xander’s rules. And Ben agrees. Sex only… no feelings…. right?
These guys were great together. I loved how they already knew each other as children so they could skip a lot of the get to know you stuff. Xander knew about Ben’s upbringing and really wanted to help him feel better about himself.
There is lots of comfort in this and I really liked those parts. Ben was so hurt and had a lot of issues with sex. I loved how patient Xander was with him and how they explored each other in bed.
I was very happy to see there wasn’t a lot of relationship angst here. There is a small moment where Xander panics but that was 1 page. And later on we get a little misunderstanding, but it was over before I knew it.
Such a sexy and sweet hurt/comfort book about living your life like you want to, out loud.
September 6, 2017
Living Out Loud by Nyrae Dawn and Christina Lee was the equivalent of my addictions handed to me on a platter.
Second chance romance + friends to lovers + hurt/comfort/healing + opposites attract
Annnnnd- sexy af! I was afraid my iPad was going to catch on fire! Plus, I love the idea of crossing over characters from two different series.
It's the two story of two childhood friends, Ben and Xavier, who lost touch and reconnected years later. During their time apart Xavier has blossomed on his own and lived his life the way he wants. Ben, on the hand, has lived through hell and is now healing and coming into his own.
Some of highlights:
-I love opposites attract stories in which the characters bring out the best in each other. They each had hurts from their past and helped each other heal.
-Relationship development. It felt natural and progressed at a leisurely pace.
-Narration. The story's told from alternating POVs.
-Chemistry. Refer back to my: I was afraid my iPad was going to catch on fire! comment.
-Supporting cast. I always love catching up with past characters, and we're also introduced to Penny, Xavier's boss. I just loved her.
-And the end...it's all kinds of sweet, butterflies in your stomach goodness.
All in all, this was a crossover success! Living Out Loud is a touching story of survival, self-discovery, and love. 4 Beautiful Stars.
Read
September 12, 2017LIVING OUT LOUD is now available on AMZ and in KU. #standalone #secondchances #friendstolovers
September 17, 2017
Very nice story with good characters.
I think it was a great way to close the Free Fall series. I know this book is a stand alone and technically not a part of the series but the epilogue does leave you with a smile and hopeful for all the couples these two writers created.
I think it was a great way to close the Free Fall series. I know this book is a stand alone and technically not a part of the series but the epilogue does leave you with a smile and hopeful for all the couples these two writers created.
September 9, 2017
3.5 stars. I picked this book to read because it was co-written by Riley Hart (under a pseudonym) whom I love.
There's a lot to like about this story. I can't recall reading any other m/m book that includes an MC (Ben) who was forced to go to gay conversion camps. It was heartbreaking to read what he experienced, but also empowering to later witness him bravely push himself to accept his love for men, and in turn, accept himself.
I also really enjoyed the friends-to-lovers story line between Ben and Xavier which was tender, low-angst, slightly kinky, and steamy. The early scenes where Xavier helps Ben get over his sexual hang-ups and learn to "play" in bed are the kinda hot where you need to squeeze your legs together as you read. Oh yeah!
Beyond that, I loved the Xavier character as well. He initially comes across as a carefree rebel who enjoys his body (and others!) and will not apologize for what he likes. But as the story progresses, Ben uncovers layers to Xavier that reveal his vulnerable underbelly and in turn, make us yearn for him to have a happy ending as well.
So why only 3.5 stars? Pacing primarily. This story moves from point A to point B in the story a little too fast for my liking. The two MCs not only get together rather suddenly after reconnecting but they come to realizations about their feelings for each other--and resolve their angst over those realizations--a little too quickly for my tastes as well. I also found several plot points to be unrealistic ().
But despite those detractions, this is still a book co-written by Riley Hart, so you can expect to be taken on a fun reading ride chock full of tenderness, heart, and sexy fun time. If you are a fan of this author, I suspect you'll enjoy reading this book. :)
There's a lot to like about this story. I can't recall reading any other m/m book that includes an MC (Ben) who was forced to go to gay conversion camps. It was heartbreaking to read what he experienced, but also empowering to later witness him bravely push himself to accept his love for men, and in turn, accept himself.
I also really enjoyed the friends-to-lovers story line between Ben and Xavier which was tender, low-angst, slightly kinky, and steamy. The early scenes where Xavier helps Ben get over his sexual hang-ups and learn to "play" in bed are the kinda hot where you need to squeeze your legs together as you read. Oh yeah!
Beyond that, I loved the Xavier character as well. He initially comes across as a carefree rebel who enjoys his body (and others!) and will not apologize for what he likes. But as the story progresses, Ben uncovers layers to Xavier that reveal his vulnerable underbelly and in turn, make us yearn for him to have a happy ending as well.
So why only 3.5 stars? Pacing primarily. This story moves from point A to point B in the story a little too fast for my liking. The two MCs not only get together rather suddenly after reconnecting but they come to realizations about their feelings for each other--and resolve their angst over those realizations--a little too quickly for my tastes as well. I also found several plot points to be unrealistic ().
But despite those detractions, this is still a book co-written by Riley Hart, so you can expect to be taken on a fun reading ride chock full of tenderness, heart, and sexy fun time. If you are a fan of this author, I suspect you'll enjoy reading this book. :)
Read
September 16, 2017DNF @45%
Very slow paced and repetitive. I tried but it doesn't hold my interest at all. Probably just me.
Very slow paced and repetitive. I tried but it doesn't hold my interest at all. Probably just me.
September 17, 2017
Esta serie no es quizás el tipo de lectura que yo prefiero para perderme en mis libros, pero sí es una serie que disfruto y que consigue entretenerme y que termine con una sonrisa en la boca.
Este es el que menos me ha gustado de los cuatro libros, Ben se está descubriendo a sí mismo y su lugar en el mundo alejado de una familia ultra religiosa, y ese descubrimiento lo realiza a través fundamentalmente del sexo con su amigo de la infancia Xavier. Ambos MC son fáciles de querer, cada uno con sus cicatrices, ambos valientes, pero para mi no ha terminado de funcionar cómo comienza a reconectar esa amistad y cómo Ben crece y encuentra su lugar. Sé lo que vais a pensar y tenéis razón, aquí está la rancia, yo, para decir que demasiado sexo para mi gusto. Además las situaciones y los pensamientos se repiten demasiado y hacia la mitad del libro se hace algo tedioso.
Tres estrellas, hay partes que han sido bonitas.
Este es el que menos me ha gustado de los cuatro libros, Ben se está descubriendo a sí mismo y su lugar en el mundo alejado de una familia ultra religiosa, y ese descubrimiento lo realiza a través fundamentalmente del sexo con su amigo de la infancia Xavier. Ambos MC son fáciles de querer, cada uno con sus cicatrices, ambos valientes, pero para mi no ha terminado de funcionar cómo comienza a reconectar esa amistad y cómo Ben crece y encuentra su lugar. Sé lo que vais a pensar y tenéis razón, aquí está la rancia, yo, para decir que demasiado sexo para mi gusto. Además las situaciones y los pensamientos se repiten demasiado y hacia la mitad del libro se hace algo tedioso.
Tres estrellas, hay partes que han sido bonitas.
Shelved as 'dnf-for-good'
March 17, 202135% DNF. I tried. I just can't.
September 8, 2017
3 stars – The fourth collaboration between authors Christina Lee and Nyrae Dawn, Living Out Loud, is technically a spin-off from their earlier series and an earlier solo work from Nyrae Dawn, A Hundred Thousand Words. As with their previous joint works, Living Out Loud contains a compelling and enjoyable story—and perhaps unlike the others, this one is heavy on the scorching hot sexytimes—but unlike my impressions of the earlier books, I struggled with the storytelling in one character’s point of view (POV), and it kept me from being able to like this novel as much.
Ben Emerson, who was introduced in Paint the Stars as the ex of one of its main characters, struggles with his sexuality after growing up in a strict religious community where his father was the minister. When his best friend, Xavier Ramos (who was introduced in A Hundred Thousand Words as the roommate of one of its main characters), kissed him as a teenager, he reacted with revulsion despite knowing it’s exactly what he wanted. Now well in his twenties, even after moving away from his toxic upbringing for a second time, this time to San Francisco, the conditioning from years of having anti-gay messages pounded into his head still affects his ability to feel comfortable with the idea of sex with another man. After years of no contact, Ben reconnects with Xavier, who is now living loud and proud with no interest in more than sex and friendship with anyone. When they strike a deal for Xavier to help Ben change his mind set about sex, neither expects feelings to ignite, and when the past rears its ugly head, it threatens to hurt them both.
While Living Out Loud can be read as a standalone, the main characters of four earlier books appear within the story. Having read three of the four books, I recognized most of the names, but it is worth noting that very little introduction is given to these other characters within this novel, so be forewarned that these names may seem to come out of nowhere if you aren’t familiar with the other stories.
I’m going to cut to the chase because the big problem I had with this book is not with its plot, though because the majority of the book dealt with Xavier pulling Ben out of his shell sexually, this book’s plot may come across as rather monotone (albeit a really sexy monotone) until the abrupt shift at the 75% mark. It also had nothing to do with the characters, though I admit that I struggled to like Xavier as a result of the big issue. My problem was entirely with the storytelling, and only half of it at that.
The book is told in alternating-first-person POV, and while it took me about half the book to put my finger on what the problem was, I knew I was struggling to like Xavier, despite the fact that his openness, his proud “I am who I am” attitude, fit perfectly as a counterpoint to Ben’s near-desperation to get over his reservations and sexual repression. Ben’s chapters are full of depth as he makes observations about not only his feelings but about seeing Xavier as a chance to reach fulfillment. As friends turn to lovers, Ben’s progression is a beautiful thing to witness, and all the way through, his focus seems to be outside of himself, largely on Xavier. Xavier’s chapters, by contrast, are often repetitive, full of unnecessary sentences and the minutiae surrounding whatever the scene is, and so much more in the style of telling me what happened instead of showing it to me. The biggest problem, though, is that while the storytelling from Ben’s POV feels well-balanced between both characters, Xavier’s storytelling feels like it’s focused almost completely on Xavier. By this, I don’t mean that Xavier is self-centered or anything, for his character is nothing like that. It’s the writing that has the wrong focus. For example, when Ben describes things about Xavier, it feels like getting to know Xavier through Ben’s senses, thereby learning things about both characters at the same time. When Xavier describes things about Ben, though, I got the impression that I was only getting information about Xavier and how he perceives things instead of actually seeing Ben through his eyes. And that meant I felt like I wasn’t getting the whole story half of the time.
So while I enjoyed the plot, the characters, and even the romance found in Living Out Loud a good deal, I was ultimately disappointed by the storytelling imbalance. This isn’t the first time I’ve had this problem in a collaboration, but unfortunately, it’s been the worst example of such a case that I’ve run across. It’s a pity too, because I’ve truly loved all of their collaborations before this one, as well as nearly all of their individually written books I’ve read. This had all the potential to be another winner for me, but it was only realized in half of the chapters. As such, I can still recommend this because I know I’m harder to please than the average romance reader, so it’s quite likely this is a case of “it’s me, not you.”
The author and/or publisher generously provided me a complimentary copy of Living Out Loud in exchange for this fair and honest review.
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Ben Emerson, who was introduced in Paint the Stars as the ex of one of its main characters, struggles with his sexuality after growing up in a strict religious community where his father was the minister. When his best friend, Xavier Ramos (who was introduced in A Hundred Thousand Words as the roommate of one of its main characters), kissed him as a teenager, he reacted with revulsion despite knowing it’s exactly what he wanted. Now well in his twenties, even after moving away from his toxic upbringing for a second time, this time to San Francisco, the conditioning from years of having anti-gay messages pounded into his head still affects his ability to feel comfortable with the idea of sex with another man. After years of no contact, Ben reconnects with Xavier, who is now living loud and proud with no interest in more than sex and friendship with anyone. When they strike a deal for Xavier to help Ben change his mind set about sex, neither expects feelings to ignite, and when the past rears its ugly head, it threatens to hurt them both.
While Living Out Loud can be read as a standalone, the main characters of four earlier books appear within the story. Having read three of the four books, I recognized most of the names, but it is worth noting that very little introduction is given to these other characters within this novel, so be forewarned that these names may seem to come out of nowhere if you aren’t familiar with the other stories.
I’m going to cut to the chase because the big problem I had with this book is not with its plot, though because the majority of the book dealt with Xavier pulling Ben out of his shell sexually, this book’s plot may come across as rather monotone (albeit a really sexy monotone) until the abrupt shift at the 75% mark. It also had nothing to do with the characters, though I admit that I struggled to like Xavier as a result of the big issue. My problem was entirely with the storytelling, and only half of it at that.
The book is told in alternating-first-person POV, and while it took me about half the book to put my finger on what the problem was, I knew I was struggling to like Xavier, despite the fact that his openness, his proud “I am who I am” attitude, fit perfectly as a counterpoint to Ben’s near-desperation to get over his reservations and sexual repression. Ben’s chapters are full of depth as he makes observations about not only his feelings but about seeing Xavier as a chance to reach fulfillment. As friends turn to lovers, Ben’s progression is a beautiful thing to witness, and all the way through, his focus seems to be outside of himself, largely on Xavier. Xavier’s chapters, by contrast, are often repetitive, full of unnecessary sentences and the minutiae surrounding whatever the scene is, and so much more in the style of telling me what happened instead of showing it to me. The biggest problem, though, is that while the storytelling from Ben’s POV feels well-balanced between both characters, Xavier’s storytelling feels like it’s focused almost completely on Xavier. By this, I don’t mean that Xavier is self-centered or anything, for his character is nothing like that. It’s the writing that has the wrong focus. For example, when Ben describes things about Xavier, it feels like getting to know Xavier through Ben’s senses, thereby learning things about both characters at the same time. When Xavier describes things about Ben, though, I got the impression that I was only getting information about Xavier and how he perceives things instead of actually seeing Ben through his eyes. And that meant I felt like I wasn’t getting the whole story half of the time.
So while I enjoyed the plot, the characters, and even the romance found in Living Out Loud a good deal, I was ultimately disappointed by the storytelling imbalance. This isn’t the first time I’ve had this problem in a collaboration, but unfortunately, it’s been the worst example of such a case that I’ve run across. It’s a pity too, because I’ve truly loved all of their collaborations before this one, as well as nearly all of their individually written books I’ve read. This had all the potential to be another winner for me, but it was only realized in half of the chapters. As such, I can still recommend this because I know I’m harder to please than the average romance reader, so it’s quite likely this is a case of “it’s me, not you.”
The author and/or publisher generously provided me a complimentary copy of Living Out Loud in exchange for this fair and honest review.
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November 19, 2017
Sweet second chance mm romance.
At 14 Ben and Xavier shared a special bond and neither really knew why. One day X kissed B and he pushed him away. Then things were different and they parted ways and X moved.
Ben was brought up by his parents who were pastor and wife. They told him two men together was a disgrace and did some horrible things to him to set him "straight." It didn't work and now several years later Ben moves to San Francisco to live the life he wants and be who he is. X lives there and Ben reaches out to him via social media.
X is shocked to hear from him but they end up meeting up. After a conversation where X tells him about the sex he's into Ben asks him to teach him.
The story is really sweet without much angst. It's about Ben being open in public and with himself about being gay.
X has his own hang ups because of rich parents who didn't want him. They both needed each other and helped teach the other what they needed most. Trust and love.
4 easy read stars!
At 14 Ben and Xavier shared a special bond and neither really knew why. One day X kissed B and he pushed him away. Then things were different and they parted ways and X moved.
Ben was brought up by his parents who were pastor and wife. They told him two men together was a disgrace and did some horrible things to him to set him "straight." It didn't work and now several years later Ben moves to San Francisco to live the life he wants and be who he is. X lives there and Ben reaches out to him via social media.
X is shocked to hear from him but they end up meeting up. After a conversation where X tells him about the sex he's into Ben asks him to teach him.
The story is really sweet without much angst. It's about Ben being open in public and with himself about being gay.
X has his own hang ups because of rich parents who didn't want him. They both needed each other and helped teach the other what they needed most. Trust and love.
4 easy read stars!
September 15, 2017
I really enjoyed this one! I enjoyed Ben and Xavier a lot, I loved their connection, and I loved seeing Ben dealing with trying to live on his own as an out of the closet gay man, and that even after he's gotten away from his ultra-religious parents who sent him to conversion therapy he still has trouble sometimes accepting who he is, even though he's trying. That's where Xavier comes in, who is an old friend - and Ben's first kiss - from his childhood, and they reconnect, and soon Ben's asking Xavier to help him get to a comfortable place with sex, to not be in such a shameful place with it.
Truth is, they aren't really just a casual, sex thing for long. Honestly it was like they continued from the school boy crush they had on each other when they fourteen in the present at 24, only this time they fall in love.
I loved seeing Ben start to lose the indoctrination from his parents and the community and conversation therapy. How he was slowly able to let go with Xavier in a way he had never been able to with anyone before.
The only reason I didn't give this 5 stars was for the drama at the end, which I wouldn't have minded if they authors hadn't used the dirty trick - making us think Xavier cheated on Ben when he bought into his father's bullshit over the phone that Ben didn't want to see him anymore - and making us wait a chapter or two to find out if he did or not. That felt like manufactured drama and angst just for drama's sake, not that it came organically. There was plenty of drama with just wondering if Ben would be able to stand up to his parents again by going back to his home down and not let their horrible words brainwash him again, we didn't need the extra "did he cheat, oh damn he might have" thing going on. If he didn't cheat, just tell us, don't drag it out for the ~drama of it all.
Plus, it was resolved so quickly too once Xavier and Ben were reunited and Xavier explained that he didn't go through with sleeping with someone else. Cheap drama that was not needed, imo.
Other than that though, I enjoyed this a lot. A fun, enjoyable read, with some hot sexy times *wink* *wink*
Truth is, they aren't really just a casual, sex thing for long. Honestly it was like they continued from the school boy crush they had on each other when they fourteen in the present at 24, only this time they fall in love.
I loved seeing Ben start to lose the indoctrination from his parents and the community and conversation therapy. How he was slowly able to let go with Xavier in a way he had never been able to with anyone before.
The only reason I didn't give this 5 stars was for the drama at the end, which I wouldn't have minded if they authors hadn't used the dirty trick - making us think Xavier cheated on Ben when he bought into his father's bullshit over the phone that Ben didn't want to see him anymore - and making us wait a chapter or two to find out if he did or not. That felt like manufactured drama and angst just for drama's sake, not that it came organically. There was plenty of drama with just wondering if Ben would be able to stand up to his parents again by going back to his home down and not let their horrible words brainwash him again, we didn't need the extra "did he cheat, oh damn he might have" thing going on. If he didn't cheat, just tell us, don't drag it out for the ~drama of it all.
Plus, it was resolved so quickly too once Xavier and Ben were reunited and Xavier explained that he didn't go through with sleeping with someone else. Cheap drama that was not needed, imo.
Other than that though, I enjoyed this a lot. A fun, enjoyable read, with some hot sexy times *wink* *wink*
January 19, 2018
I've come to realize that with this author-pairing, the books they produce are either hits or misses with me. This was a miss.
This book/story had the potential to be so much more but didn't live up to even a quarter of that.
There was something definitely OFF about the writing. It felt disjointed. The story didn't flow well at all and by the time I got to the 60% mark, I needed it to be over. I liked Ben quite okay. Xavier was one dimensional and a bit self centered.
Another big issue I had with the writing was it's repetitive nature . I swear these two repeated the same things over and over and over and over throughout.
Also, at its core, this was supposed to be a book about self re-discovery & the sexual awakening of a character so I at LEAST expected the smexy times to salvage the story abit but I was thwarted on that side as well. The sex was bland. I mean, there were your usual "dirty words" thrown in whenever the two MCs hooked up but instead of being exciting, I just wanted to bang my Kindle against my forehead repeatedly. It felt so forced and If I NEVER see the word "play" again, I'd die a happy person! Gah!
It was exhausting to read overall.I think I deserve a tall glass of iced water after this.
This book/story had the potential to be so much more but didn't live up to even a quarter of that.
There was something definitely OFF about the writing. It felt disjointed. The story didn't flow well at all and by the time I got to the 60% mark, I needed it to be over. I liked Ben quite okay. Xavier was one dimensional and a bit self centered.
Another big issue I had with the writing was it's repetitive nature . I swear these two repeated the same things over and over and over and over throughout.
Also, at its core, this was supposed to be a book about self re-discovery & the sexual awakening of a character so I at LEAST expected the smexy times to salvage the story abit but I was thwarted on that side as well. The sex was bland. I mean, there were your usual "dirty words" thrown in whenever the two MCs hooked up but instead of being exciting, I just wanted to bang my Kindle against my forehead repeatedly. It felt so forced and If I NEVER see the word "play" again, I'd die a happy person! Gah!
It was exhausting to read overall.I think I deserve a tall glass of iced water after this.
September 26, 2017
Friends to Lovers done really well. I was hoping Ben would get his story and he does and I am so happy for him.
Awesome read it has low angst, smoking hot sex scenes, and a lovely HEA.
Awesome read it has low angst, smoking hot sex scenes, and a lovely HEA.
September 21, 2017
I loved Ben & Xaviers book - what these two went through to finally feel peace was tough. Ben growing up in a repressive religious home, no love, conversion therapy and losing his best friend almost broke him. Xavier who was unwanted, unloved and vulnerable struggled to reconcile his feelings for Ben and gave up on love and any thought of a relationship. Years later a simple DM on Facebook got the ball rolling. Ben put himself out there and Xavier followed. It really was sweet and the epilogue made it all worth while ❤️
September 9, 2017
4.5 Stars
I absolutely love second chance romances, it's definitely my favorite trope and this was a really good one.
Xavier and Ben were best friends, but when Xavier realizes he thinks of Ben as more than just a friend and he kisses him, Ben, who is the son of the local pastor and has had it drilled into his head that homosexuality is a sin and an abomination, rejects him. After that day things are never the same between the friends, and eventually Xavier's parents move away from the small conservative California town. Now as an adult, Ben has finally broken away from his family and moved to San Francisco. He fights the shame that he feels trying to live as an out and proud gay man. He's only been in town for a few short months, but he hasn't ever stopped thinking of or missing Xavier, who is also now residing in San Francisco. It takes time, but Ben finally works up the nerve to contact him. Can they rekindle the friendship they once had and maybe find more?
Ben was so sweet and caring as well as a bit naive and innocent. My heart broke at learning his story. To escape the clutches of his family and their religion, just to be pulled back as you are finally starting to see what life could be like if you could be true to yourself. My heart went out to him.
Xavier was definitely rough around the edges at first glance, but once you start to peel away the layers and see the real Xavier, you see how sweet and caring he really is. My heart broke for him. It's hard going through life having family that doesn't want you and after having Ben, the one person he thought really cared for him, reject him, Xavier built up walls to protect himself.
Ben and Xavier have lead very different lives and are very different people, but their differences worked well together and complimented each other. While the sex happens pretty quick the romance takes time and I really enjoyed the progression of their relationship. I loved watching Xavier encourage Ben to come out of his shell and try new things.
The story is well-written and paced well. Xavier and Ben really fit well together and their chemistry was off the charts, and we all know just how hot a sex scene these two authors can write and there was plenty of scorching hot sex between Ben and Xavier. I really loved getting to see Ezra, Dae and Henry and I loved Xavier's relationship with his boss, Penny. She was an awesome lady! I wish I could work for her. Haha The story had some other great secondary characters as well that really supported Xavier and Ben.
This was an enjoyable story that I'd highly recommend!!
*copy provided by the authors/publisher in exchange for an honest review*
I absolutely love second chance romances, it's definitely my favorite trope and this was a really good one.
Xavier and Ben were best friends, but when Xavier realizes he thinks of Ben as more than just a friend and he kisses him, Ben, who is the son of the local pastor and has had it drilled into his head that homosexuality is a sin and an abomination, rejects him. After that day things are never the same between the friends, and eventually Xavier's parents move away from the small conservative California town. Now as an adult, Ben has finally broken away from his family and moved to San Francisco. He fights the shame that he feels trying to live as an out and proud gay man. He's only been in town for a few short months, but he hasn't ever stopped thinking of or missing Xavier, who is also now residing in San Francisco. It takes time, but Ben finally works up the nerve to contact him. Can they rekindle the friendship they once had and maybe find more?
Ben was so sweet and caring as well as a bit naive and innocent. My heart broke at learning his story. To escape the clutches of his family and their religion, just to be pulled back as you are finally starting to see what life could be like if you could be true to yourself. My heart went out to him.
Xavier was definitely rough around the edges at first glance, but once you start to peel away the layers and see the real Xavier, you see how sweet and caring he really is. My heart broke for him. It's hard going through life having family that doesn't want you and after having Ben, the one person he thought really cared for him, reject him, Xavier built up walls to protect himself.
Ben and Xavier have lead very different lives and are very different people, but their differences worked well together and complimented each other. While the sex happens pretty quick the romance takes time and I really enjoyed the progression of their relationship. I loved watching Xavier encourage Ben to come out of his shell and try new things.
The story is well-written and paced well. Xavier and Ben really fit well together and their chemistry was off the charts, and we all know just how hot a sex scene these two authors can write and there was plenty of scorching hot sex between Ben and Xavier. I really loved getting to see Ezra, Dae and Henry and I loved Xavier's relationship with his boss, Penny. She was an awesome lady! I wish I could work for her. Haha The story had some other great secondary characters as well that really supported Xavier and Ben.
This was an enjoyable story that I'd highly recommend!!
*copy provided by the authors/publisher in exchange for an honest review*
September 18, 2017
5/5 - Halefreakinglujah! This book was everything I wanted it to be and more.
When I read the blurb to this book, my heart was stolen and I knew I had to get my hands on this book. I don't believe I was familiar with Christina Lee's work, but I have read a few books by Nyrae Dawn, so I knew this one was likely to be good, but I just didn't know how good.
I want to eat, breathe, and live Xavier Ramos. He's a sassy kid from a messed up family that took a really shitty situation and made the best out of it that he could. He has a heart made of gold but he hides it behind all of the eyeliner and tattoos and he's really just afraid of getting hurt. First impressions might be to stay away from him, but he's the biggest freaking softie.
And Ben is probably one of my favorite characters in a book, ever. He also came from a pretty screwed up family who thought religion was the only way to live and that Ben was going to go to hell for the way he wanted to live his life. For a long time he let them dictate how he was going to live, what he was going to do, and who he was going to date. But then he just, took control of his own life. And there wasn't anything over-the-top or explosive about it, he just... left one day and didn't look back.
And the relationship that these two had was pure magic. It all started off as a friends with benefits shindig when Ben realized that Xavier had a helluva lot more experience in the sack than he did and what're friends for if they're not going to share tips and tricks, right? My favorite part of this book was Xavier realizing he caught the feelings for Ben and Penny, the daring older woman he works for, knocking some sense into him.
This book was just great, start to finish. Every page had me smiling or laughing and these two were just perfect for each other. If this is any preview to what Christina Lee and Nyrae Dawn can do together, I can't wait to see what's next!
When I read the blurb to this book, my heart was stolen and I knew I had to get my hands on this book. I don't believe I was familiar with Christina Lee's work, but I have read a few books by Nyrae Dawn, so I knew this one was likely to be good, but I just didn't know how good.
I want to eat, breathe, and live Xavier Ramos. He's a sassy kid from a messed up family that took a really shitty situation and made the best out of it that he could. He has a heart made of gold but he hides it behind all of the eyeliner and tattoos and he's really just afraid of getting hurt. First impressions might be to stay away from him, but he's the biggest freaking softie.
And Ben is probably one of my favorite characters in a book, ever. He also came from a pretty screwed up family who thought religion was the only way to live and that Ben was going to go to hell for the way he wanted to live his life. For a long time he let them dictate how he was going to live, what he was going to do, and who he was going to date. But then he just, took control of his own life. And there wasn't anything over-the-top or explosive about it, he just... left one day and didn't look back.
And the relationship that these two had was pure magic. It all started off as a friends with benefits shindig when Ben realized that Xavier had a helluva lot more experience in the sack than he did and what're friends for if they're not going to share tips and tricks, right? My favorite part of this book was Xavier realizing he caught the feelings for Ben and Penny, the daring older woman he works for, knocking some sense into him.
This book was just great, start to finish. Every page had me smiling or laughing and these two were just perfect for each other. If this is any preview to what Christina Lee and Nyrae Dawn can do together, I can't wait to see what's next!
August 1, 2018
Audible Review:
Overall 4*
Performance 5*
Story 4*
4.5*
Everyone deserves to live out loud!
Living Out Loud is a wonderful story about friendship, finding yourself, and second chances. I adored Ben and Xavier. They both had pretty rough childhoods, with parents who left a lot to be desired. (I hated Ben's parents, let's be honest. Horrible, horrible people.) It really colored Ben's outlook on life. I wanted to reach in and wrap him up and tell him he was good and worthy and there was nothing wrong with him! And I wanted to tell Xavier he was so deserving of being loved.
It's no secret second-chance romances are one of my favorite tropes. And when you add in childhood friends, it makes my little heart so happy. When Ben and Xavier reconnected it wasn't with the expectation of anything more than just 2 friends getting a chance to clear the air and maybe start over again. But when Xavier shows Ben everything he's been missing in life the lines between them start to blur. Ben still has a lot of unresolved feelings and issues stemming from his upbringing and I loved that Xavier was there for him, to help him see it was more than okay to be his true self.
The narrators were terrific! They fit the characters so well, and both did a fantastic job bringing Ben and Xavier to life. I have to give a shout-out to the one who voiced Ben, though. (I wish Audible noted who narrated which character in m/m stories when it's dual narration.) He did an outstanding job showcasing Ben's vulnerabilty.
I'll definitely be looking for more books narrated by both Wyatt and Max.
Overall 4*
Performance 5*
Story 4*
4.5*
Everyone deserves to live out loud!
Living Out Loud is a wonderful story about friendship, finding yourself, and second chances. I adored Ben and Xavier. They both had pretty rough childhoods, with parents who left a lot to be desired. (I hated Ben's parents, let's be honest. Horrible, horrible people.) It really colored Ben's outlook on life. I wanted to reach in and wrap him up and tell him he was good and worthy and there was nothing wrong with him! And I wanted to tell Xavier he was so deserving of being loved.
It's no secret second-chance romances are one of my favorite tropes. And when you add in childhood friends, it makes my little heart so happy. When Ben and Xavier reconnected it wasn't with the expectation of anything more than just 2 friends getting a chance to clear the air and maybe start over again. But when Xavier shows Ben everything he's been missing in life the lines between them start to blur. Ben still has a lot of unresolved feelings and issues stemming from his upbringing and I loved that Xavier was there for him, to help him see it was more than okay to be his true self.
The narrators were terrific! They fit the characters so well, and both did a fantastic job bringing Ben and Xavier to life. I have to give a shout-out to the one who voiced Ben, though. (I wish Audible noted who narrated which character in m/m stories when it's dual narration.) He did an outstanding job showcasing Ben's vulnerabilty.
I'll definitely be looking for more books narrated by both Wyatt and Max.
January 15, 2019
Ugh it pains me, totally pains me to give this 2 stars after the fabulous “Paint the stars” was a solid 5 star read. But as kinky and steamy as it was, the story was terribly repetitive. Anytime Xavier had any issue with anything, it was all about his dad and stepmom not loving him. Nothing expanded beyond that really. Just got to hear the same old same old all over again. Ben’s issues with his parents were a bit more developed and gave his character more depth but the whole vibe of the book was ticking boxes in Ben’s sexual discovery so in the end, it all fell flat. I skimmed the last 20% and found that I wouldn’t have gained much by reading every single sentence.
Very disappointed. Now I wonder if book 3 in the series was a fluke, because I absolutely loved that book. Not sure if I’ll pick up book 1 and 2.
Very disappointed. Now I wonder if book 3 in the series was a fluke, because I absolutely loved that book. Not sure if I’ll pick up book 1 and 2.
September 19, 2017
Decided to crack this one open NOW :-) ... here we go ...
Read
September 6, 2017Maybe it's just me but I can't seem to get into this right now. I might try later on.
An arc was provided in exchange for an honest review.
An arc was provided in exchange for an honest review.
September 21, 2017
3.5 stars
I enjoyed this one and I also liked seeing people from the Free Fall series. Ben and Xavier together created a lot of steam. However I did think the story dragged in places and maybe could have been shorter.
I enjoyed this one and I also liked seeing people from the Free Fall series. Ben and Xavier together created a lot of steam. However I did think the story dragged in places and maybe could have been shorter.
July 4, 2018
I didn't realize this one was from two different authors worlds and series or else I probably wouldn't have picked it up but I'm not sorry I did.
This was a good book. I liked Ben and Xavier and wanted them to find their HEA together.
This was a good book. I liked Ben and Xavier and wanted them to find their HEA together.
January 15, 2018
Actual rating: 3.5 stars
I’m so proud of my kids also how great to see the whole gang again even if just for a bit
I’m so proud of my kids also how great to see the whole gang again even if just for a bit
September 7, 2017
Beautiful and heart breaking at the same time, but also SEXY as hell! I loved both Ben and Xavier. They had a difficult childhood that made them into who they are today, but while Xavier is mostly content with his life, Ben has a lot of exploring to do - in the sexual sense, but also personally, learning to not only accept who he is, but to look for the things he loves and enjoys in the new life he is building himself now that he is free from his past' shackles.
Though this book is not a part of the "Free Fall" series, it's still connected. First because we've met Ben in the last installment "Paint the Stars" (he and Ezra were a couple in college), but also because there are mentions of other characters from the series.
It can be read as a stand alone no worries.
I'm going to start with a sort of a warning, but it's not a complaint it's just a heads up. This book contains A LOT of sex in it. I usually prefer my books to have less of it, but frankly it worked for me this time (and not only because it was HOT as F) because it made sense and showed not only the relationship buildup but also the change each of them went though as they got closer together.
So let's start at the beginning.. Ben Emerson and Xavier Ramos were best friends growing up in a small religious town. Ben's father was the pastor and while Xavier's parents donated to the church they hardly ever attended.. Their friendship exploded when Xavier decided to kiss Ben in their favorite spot in the woods behind the church. Ben not knowing how to deal with what happened between them pulls back and a year later Xavier's family leaves town which totally severs their connection.
The years went by, Xavier made a life for himself in San Francisco. His parents didn't love him or want him around so when he was old enough to leave he did just that. He works in a record shop run by an old lady (Penny) who is practically his only family though he does have friends and enjoy a very active sexual life. He's good at it, he loves the sex and the fact that the day after they are gone from his life. No strings attached. Ben on the other hand had a bumpier road.. A truly heart crashing one. His parents didn't accept the fact he is gay and made their best efforts to convert him. It not only didn't work, it ruined him for many years (including the time he tried to have a relationship with Ezra). Hearing what he went through was horrific. But he is out of there for good, and he plans on building a life of his own, one he can be who he is without shame. Trouble is, sex is still confusing for him.. So when he reconnects with Xavier, now that they live in the same city, and learns about Xavier's ways, he asks him for help in the sex department..
Xavier has no problem accepting Ben's offer. After all the guy is sexy, what's to think about? But while they experiment with each other things start to change for both of them. For Ben the tension, fear and even aversion he used to feel slowly disappears as he learns to trust Xavier and enjoy their time together, taking it to the next level with each encounter. For Xavier it's a revelation that he wants more from Ben than just the sex. He enjoys their time together and the trust they share and slowly it becomes to both of them a lot more than they expected.
Ben and Xavier were beautiful together. The past they shared made it easier for both of them to trust, to try something different, to experiment, not only in sex but in emotions and commitment. It takes them both time but they are building a relationship before they even realize they are doing it. I loved Penny's role in Xavier's life. On one of their last talks I was in tears. They care so much for one another, they mean so much to one another. It was simply beautiful. Though they are fictional characters I feel like wishing them all as many years together as possible. I was sad for Ben for what he has been through, for everything he had to endure, for the heart ache and sorrow he felt for Ezra and what happened between them, his need for love and appreciation from his family which came with such harsh conditions. It was truly heart breaking which is why seeing Ben and Xavier together at the end made me deliriously happy. Life isn't perfect, some don't get the happy family they deserve but they sure can make their own family, one that accepts them and loved them for who they are.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED (prepare the Kleenex.. ;) )
I kindly received this ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.
More Reviews HERE
Though this book is not a part of the "Free Fall" series, it's still connected. First because we've met Ben in the last installment "Paint the Stars" (he and Ezra were a couple in college), but also because there are mentions of other characters from the series.
It can be read as a stand alone no worries.
I'm going to start with a sort of a warning, but it's not a complaint it's just a heads up. This book contains A LOT of sex in it. I usually prefer my books to have less of it, but frankly it worked for me this time (and not only because it was HOT as F) because it made sense and showed not only the relationship buildup but also the change each of them went though as they got closer together.
So let's start at the beginning.. Ben Emerson and Xavier Ramos were best friends growing up in a small religious town. Ben's father was the pastor and while Xavier's parents donated to the church they hardly ever attended.. Their friendship exploded when Xavier decided to kiss Ben in their favorite spot in the woods behind the church. Ben not knowing how to deal with what happened between them pulls back and a year later Xavier's family leaves town which totally severs their connection.
The years went by, Xavier made a life for himself in San Francisco. His parents didn't love him or want him around so when he was old enough to leave he did just that. He works in a record shop run by an old lady (Penny) who is practically his only family though he does have friends and enjoy a very active sexual life. He's good at it, he loves the sex and the fact that the day after they are gone from his life. No strings attached. Ben on the other hand had a bumpier road.. A truly heart crashing one. His parents didn't accept the fact he is gay and made their best efforts to convert him. It not only didn't work, it ruined him for many years (including the time he tried to have a relationship with Ezra). Hearing what he went through was horrific. But he is out of there for good, and he plans on building a life of his own, one he can be who he is without shame. Trouble is, sex is still confusing for him.. So when he reconnects with Xavier, now that they live in the same city, and learns about Xavier's ways, he asks him for help in the sex department..
Xavier has no problem accepting Ben's offer. After all the guy is sexy, what's to think about? But while they experiment with each other things start to change for both of them. For Ben the tension, fear and even aversion he used to feel slowly disappears as he learns to trust Xavier and enjoy their time together, taking it to the next level with each encounter. For Xavier it's a revelation that he wants more from Ben than just the sex. He enjoys their time together and the trust they share and slowly it becomes to both of them a lot more than they expected.
Ben and Xavier were beautiful together. The past they shared made it easier for both of them to trust, to try something different, to experiment, not only in sex but in emotions and commitment. It takes them both time but they are building a relationship before they even realize they are doing it. I loved Penny's role in Xavier's life. On one of their last talks I was in tears. They care so much for one another, they mean so much to one another. It was simply beautiful. Though they are fictional characters I feel like wishing them all as many years together as possible. I was sad for Ben for what he has been through, for everything he had to endure, for the heart ache and sorrow he felt for Ezra and what happened between them, his need for love and appreciation from his family which came with such harsh conditions. It was truly heart breaking which is why seeing Ben and Xavier together at the end made me deliriously happy. Life isn't perfect, some don't get the happy family they deserve but they sure can make their own family, one that accepts them and loved them for who they are.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED (prepare the Kleenex.. ;) )
I kindly received this ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.
More Reviews HERE
September 3, 2017
4.5 stars
Ben Emerson is a minister's son who has been struggling with his sexuality since his teens largely due to the toxic influence of his family and the church trying to convince him that his feelings are wrong. We know him as Ezra's conflicted, college ex-boyfriend from Paint the Stars, and we saw Ben through the hurt eyes of Ezra. But now we see what Ben has really been through and why he made some of his past choices. After much soul searching, Ben is now living in San Francisco and trying to build his own life.
He takes a bold step messaging his former childhood best friend, Xavier Ramos. They were very close, but young, and had confusing feelings. And ultimately it ended in pain and the loss of their friendship. But now they are older, wiser, and more in tune with themselves. Xavier was first introduced as Toby's room mate in A Hundred Thousand Words. He projects his own personality to the world with his attitude and outer forms of expression. He is bold, pierced, tatted, likes some feminine embellishments, and is casual about sex. He is out, but does not get attached or share intimacy. He was a lonely kid and has abandonment issues and a fear of rejection.
As Ben becomes more comfortable asking Xavier for what he needs--to explore his sexuality in a safe and accepting way--they begin to grow closer again. Lessons in life, desire, sexual experiences, trust, and understanding only strengthen their connection that was a big part of their past. It was supposed to only be a physical relationship with no strings, but their attachment, feelings, and fears begin to grow. Xavier is patient and protective, and gives Ben courage to be himself. He pushes him out of his comfort zone to learn what he really likes and to challenge his pre-conceived boundaries. Ben has always seen the real Xavier and made him feel important, even when he felt invisible to others. And Ben makes Xavier more willing to share intimacy and be more vulnerable than he ever has with anyone.
But their pasts have left scars. Ben especially struggles with the right and wrong of feelings, and the negative influences in his life. And Xavier's fear of loss and rejection holds him back. They both have insecurities and fears, but so many strong feelings. They want. They need. They hope. They worry. They come together. They separate to process. They learn about each other and themselves. It is a whole new world for both of them and difficult to accept the possibilities of what could be if they can let go of their pasts, embrace the present, and hope for a future. They are different in many ways, but also can balance and ground each other.
Will they find the strength to fight their demons, hold onto each other, and truly live their lives how they want?
This is told in dual points of view so we can understand what they are really feeling and thinking even when they are afraid to share it. I really liked both of the main characters and could understand their motivations and fears. It is emotional, heartbreaking, sexy, sweet, funny, frustrating, and full of good messages. This is a story about self discovery, but also about friends, family, acceptance, freedom of choice, and living life to the fullest. It brings back some characters from other Christina and Nyrae books, but can be read as a complete standalone. But having read the others, I enjoyed the progressions of some of the other couples as well.
I was gifted a copy in exchange for an honest review.
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Ben Emerson is a minister's son who has been struggling with his sexuality since his teens largely due to the toxic influence of his family and the church trying to convince him that his feelings are wrong. We know him as Ezra's conflicted, college ex-boyfriend from Paint the Stars, and we saw Ben through the hurt eyes of Ezra. But now we see what Ben has really been through and why he made some of his past choices. After much soul searching, Ben is now living in San Francisco and trying to build his own life.
He takes a bold step messaging his former childhood best friend, Xavier Ramos. They were very close, but young, and had confusing feelings. And ultimately it ended in pain and the loss of their friendship. But now they are older, wiser, and more in tune with themselves. Xavier was first introduced as Toby's room mate in A Hundred Thousand Words. He projects his own personality to the world with his attitude and outer forms of expression. He is bold, pierced, tatted, likes some feminine embellishments, and is casual about sex. He is out, but does not get attached or share intimacy. He was a lonely kid and has abandonment issues and a fear of rejection.
As Ben becomes more comfortable asking Xavier for what he needs--to explore his sexuality in a safe and accepting way--they begin to grow closer again. Lessons in life, desire, sexual experiences, trust, and understanding only strengthen their connection that was a big part of their past. It was supposed to only be a physical relationship with no strings, but their attachment, feelings, and fears begin to grow. Xavier is patient and protective, and gives Ben courage to be himself. He pushes him out of his comfort zone to learn what he really likes and to challenge his pre-conceived boundaries. Ben has always seen the real Xavier and made him feel important, even when he felt invisible to others. And Ben makes Xavier more willing to share intimacy and be more vulnerable than he ever has with anyone.
But their pasts have left scars. Ben especially struggles with the right and wrong of feelings, and the negative influences in his life. And Xavier's fear of loss and rejection holds him back. They both have insecurities and fears, but so many strong feelings. They want. They need. They hope. They worry. They come together. They separate to process. They learn about each other and themselves. It is a whole new world for both of them and difficult to accept the possibilities of what could be if they can let go of their pasts, embrace the present, and hope for a future. They are different in many ways, but also can balance and ground each other.
Will they find the strength to fight their demons, hold onto each other, and truly live their lives how they want?
This is told in dual points of view so we can understand what they are really feeling and thinking even when they are afraid to share it. I really liked both of the main characters and could understand their motivations and fears. It is emotional, heartbreaking, sexy, sweet, funny, frustrating, and full of good messages. This is a story about self discovery, but also about friends, family, acceptance, freedom of choice, and living life to the fullest. It brings back some characters from other Christina and Nyrae books, but can be read as a complete standalone. But having read the others, I enjoyed the progressions of some of the other couples as well.
I was gifted a copy in exchange for an honest review.
Follow Me: Reviews by Tammy & Kim | Facebook | Twitter
September 7, 2017
Honestly, it blows me away every time an author takes a previously villainized character and makes me fall in love with them. I was not a fan of Ben when he pops up in Ezra's story "Paint the Stars." Ben broke Ezra's heart and he didn't deserve to be treated that way. Let me tell you. You need to read about ol' Mr. Ben and your heart is going to break in a million pieces before it sewn back together. I am always a champion for the underdog and underprivileged. Ben has suffered so much in his life. As I was reading, it almost seemed unbelievable that there are still humans all over the place who function like Ben's parents and the folks in his hometown.
Of course, Ben's journey to discovery would not have happened without his second chance at romance and s3xual guru Xavier. Perfect balance to Ben and so happy that X took the leap and let his heart open up to the possibility of love. The two of them together along with Ben's self discovery---super steamy HAWT!
I just need to add that I loved Penny. She needs her own story I think. I'd read that for sure. Loved all the love she gave to X. She fit in his life when he needed her the most and I loved that relationship between the two of them.
As always, these two authors bring the powerful message of "Love is Love" anytime they get together to put words on paper. Hopefully people listen to the message. Just be kind always. It goes a long way.
*Complimentary copy provided for an honest review.
Of course, Ben's journey to discovery would not have happened without his second chance at romance and s3xual guru Xavier. Perfect balance to Ben and so happy that X took the leap and let his heart open up to the possibility of love. The two of them together along with Ben's self discovery---super steamy HAWT!
I just need to add that I loved Penny. She needs her own story I think. I'd read that for sure. Loved all the love she gave to X. She fit in his life when he needed her the most and I loved that relationship between the two of them.
As always, these two authors bring the powerful message of "Love is Love" anytime they get together to put words on paper. Hopefully people listen to the message. Just be kind always. It goes a long way.
*Complimentary copy provided for an honest review.
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