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512 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 7, 2022
Audio book source: Audible
Story Rating: 3.5 stars
Narrators: Stella Hunter & Aaron Shedlock
Narration Rating: 4 stars
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Length: 13h 23m
“The only bullshit thing between us is that spiel you just laid out. Deny it all you want, but I know you want me. The quicker you accept that, the better you will feel.” Despite the heavy beat of my heart, I know it’s my time to turn my head, and when I do, our noses nearly touch. With all the bravado I can muster, I say, “The sooner you realize I’m out of your league . . . the better you will feel.”
“And there’s your problem,” JP says, leaning in. “A perfect gentleman isn’t going to make you come the way I can.”
I have no idea why JP is droning on about this attraction between us. It’s not as though I’ve led him on. I’m a firm believer in love. Therefore, I’m looking for love. Not a fling, not a sexy one-night stand. I’m looking for my soulmate, just like the soulmates on my semi-popular podcast. I want forever.
“You’re really not. I might ask for a refund. Hypercritical fishwife isn’t what I call a good first date or a match, for that matter.”
“Fishwife?” I ask.
“Yup. Already called you a shrew, thought fishwife would be a good second option.”
“Yeah . . . well, you’re a . . . you’re a . . .”
“A what?” he asks, his grin growing even wider.
Think, Kelsey, think of a good name.
“A shortsighted boob.”
He tosses his head back, laughter erupting from his lips. “That’s the best you could come up with? A shortsighted boob? Shit.” He wipes at his eyes as I grow more furious by the second.
I don’t really register that I have shorts in my hand. All I know is that I have a hold of something and it’s time to pull.
That’s exactly what I do.
I yank on his shorts so hard that he stumbles forward, and because I’m holding on to his other leg, he can’t catch his balance.
[...]
It was never my intention to anger him more, nor was it my intention to cause him to fall.
But I accomplished both things . . . whilst pantsing him at the same time.
Yup, just like that, with a slight yank, those elastic-banded shorts of his slide right off his narrow hips and down his legs, causing him to stumble even more.
I cry out in horror because, good God, there are loose shorts in my hand.
[...]
And then, with a big crash to the floor, he falls on top of me, pillowing my face with what I can only assume is his stomach.
“Jesus fuck,” he says.
I open my eyes and come face to face with man scrotum.
A man’s freaking scrotum!
“Ahhh!” I scream and swat at his leg. “Your penis is on my face. Your penis is on my face.”
[...]
“Dear God! It’s on my nose! Your genitals are resting on my freaking nose!”
“I fucking know!” he yells back. “But I can’t get up because you’re still holding on to me.”
“I’ve been tea-bagged,” I cry out in horror, his penis still rubbing along my nostrils.
“Let the fuck GO, KELSEY!”
As if I finally realize what’s happening, I release all my limbs and he climbs off me. I scramble up against the wall and hold my hand—still clutching his shorts—in front of my face.
“I’ve been defiled.”
“You’ve been defiled?” he retorts. “I’m the one who’s been stripped bare.” He yanks the shorts from my grasp and I hear him scurry around, putting them on. When I think the coast is clear, I part my fingers to see if he’s decent.
I’m met with a very angry stare.
So, I release his hand and take a step back. “JP, I’m not going to sleep with you.” The words fly out of my mouth in a flurry, making it clear where I stand.obviously jp was mad that kelsey thought so little of him, so he went about ignoring her. easy peasey, no? wasn't that what kelsey wanted all along? but nooooo she just had to figure out why jp was mad at her, as if it wasn't so obvious i mean, the man can only tolerate you for so long, ma'am. so, when they're forced to go on a trip to san fransisco and live in the same penthouse together for 2 weeks, kelsey decides that its time for her to return to being the main thought going through jp's mind 24/7, so she bangs on jp's door, he doesn't want to give her the time of day, so she hangs on to his legs like a 4 y/o toddler. but fuck if this line didn't give me a rush-
His compliments, his kindness, aren’t going to factor into my decision.
“Let’s get one thing straight, Kelsey. I’m not here to be friends with you, nor am I here to try to solve any sort of complex you might have about not being liked. I’m here to do a job and I’d prefer you just leave me alone.”
Nope, manned with a wooden spoon—the worst it can do is toss a salad—I slide closer and closer to his room until I hear it . . . a constant pumping sound. Like . . . oh God, like someone is getting stabbed.
[...]
And before I can stop myself, I pull down on the doorknob, then kick the door open and accompany it with a warrior scream that nearly deafens me.
[...]
My eyes land on the bed, where he pops up, completely and utterly naked . . . and holding a pillow in front of his crotch.
[...]
Oh, sweet lord, that was JP jacking off.
[...]
And before I know it, my hand is caressing a very stiff body.
“Ahh,” I yell again, dropping the hand covering my eyes only to find my other hand passing over JP’s nipples. “Oh shit, sorry. That’s your, uh, that’s your man chest. Your nipple. I was just rubbing your nipple. Not on purpose. Not because I wanted to.”