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37 pages, ebook
First published August 1, 2013
Okay, ladies—what have we learned from this example?Drew Fucking Evans- I FUCKING LOVE YOU and
Keep it simple.
Be broad but don’t bog us down with specifics.
It’ll only confuse us.
You’re an asshole.
You’re a slob.
Stop being that way.
Any of the above should work just fine.
Yes—my name is Kate, andNo darling, we are ALL victims here *winks*
I am a newly indoctrinated sex addict.
But come on, look at the man.
Can you blame me?
“I’m gonna name you Nala, and you Simba, and you Fluffy, and you Muffy…and I’m gonna call you Drew Junior!
He look like Uncle Drew, don’t he, Aunt Kate?”
Oh yeah—I’m already Aunt Kate. How great is that?
“He does. He’s very handsome and seems smart too.
Don’t you think, Drew?”
He’s still pouting.
“Yeah. Fantastic. Hey, here’s an idea—let’s take Drew Junior and his buddies down to the Hudson River and see if they can swim?”
"Prepare to be tutored in the finer points of male logic."
That may be pansy to admit, but let’s be real. Kate’s name is tattooed on my frigging arm. Trying to pretend like she doesn’t have my balls in her purse? Really kind of useless at this point.”
“Why should I have to ask you? You’re a grown man! You should just know!”
And there it is, kiddies. The Famous Female Mind Fuck.
That’s short for: If you can’t read their minds? You’re fucked”
And Kate as Princess Leia!!!!
Oh yeah—it’s the Princess Leia bikini.”
Will we get some more of this couple??? They're a total "riot."
But come on, look at the man. Can you blame me?
All the things I never knew, I didn’t know
Kate,
I used to think I knew it all – and then you taught me.
I used to think I’d done it all – and then you touched me.
I used to think I’d heard it all – and then you said you loved me.
I used to think my life was perfect – and now, because of you, I know it is.
Come to the bedroom, do not pass go, do not collect $200…
Do take off all your clothes.
- Drew
PS – I changed the toilet paper roll. Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.
********************************************
“Hello, Boyfriend.”
“Girlfriend.”
Sickening, aren’t we? There’s a garbage can in the corner if you feel the need to puke.