Cecil Quotes

“Night Vale, my sweet and only Night Vale, may you find love. May you find it wherever it's been hidden. May you find who has been hiding it and extract revenge upon them.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“It was a lovely sight," said one witness.

"I cannot even begin to describe the beauty of her ascension," said another.

"You kind of did, though," said another witness, who was wearing a fedora. "By saying you cannot describe something, that is a sort of apophasis (a paralipsis, if you will), which gives the mind an implied description through nondescription," he continued.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“She said if good-hearted families travel to Night Vale only to find their subconsciouses besieged with unforgettable revelations, horrors buried so deep as to be completely indescribable, revealing wholly unbearable new truths, then we certainly can't expect these people to return, let alone leave good Yelp ratings for local businesses.”
― Joseph Fink, Mostly Void, Partially Stars

“The study found widespread dissatisfaction with our town's public library, and, when considering the facts, it's easy to see why. The public computers for Internet use are outdated and slow. The lending period of fourteen days is not nearly long enough to read lengthier books, given the busy schedule of all our lives. The fatality rate is also well above the national average for public libraries.”
― Joseph Fink, Mostly Void, Partially Stars

“Looking for a snack? Try wheat or a wheat by-product. Dinner? Wheat &/or its by-product. Trying to patch a leaky roof? We have just the thing for you, and we also have its by-product.”
― Joseph Fink, Mostly Void, Partially Stars

“The text also just grows increasingly garbled. For instance, here it says that our new subway system will streamline the rush-hour commute, but about halfway down, it's a series of nearly indecipherable glyphs our experts insist hint at "non-Euclidian emotions" and "appeasement" (though we think this may be a euphemism for "fares").”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“As we all know, the spine ridges of adult cats are highly poisonous. If you are coming to see a kitten that you have adopted, it is important that you check for the location and severity of the spine ridge before attempting any petting. Also, keep your hands away from their mouths. A few of them have developed their venom sacks. We lost two cat adopters already this month, so...let's just be careful people.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“One death has already been attributed to the Glow Cloud.

But listen, it's probably nothing. If we had to shut down the town for every mysterious event that at least one death could be attributed to, we'd never have time to do anything, right?”
― Joseph Fink, Mostly Void, Partially Stars

“We have big dreams - sometimes scary, unforgettable dreams that repeat on the same date every year and are shared by every person in town - but we make those big dreams come true. Remember the clock tower? It took eight years and $23 million to build, and despite its invisibility and constant teleportation, it is a lovely structure that keeps impeccable time.”
― Joseph Fink, Mostly Void, Partially Stars

“The drive was difficult, because at this point it seemed that everyone in town but the two of us had hopped onto the buzzing shadow entity train, and were loping around town as malevolent holes in our reality, emanating an energy that made the hairs on your arm stand and your bowels vibrate. Or maybe that was just the chemistry with Carlos I was feeling.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“As a last resort, with the orange nearing my face and my back pressing hard against the sharp edge of my broadcast table, I grabbed my phone to tell Carlos that if I didn't make it home tonight, it wasn't because I didn't love him, or didn't want to watch a documentary on special scientific graphs, or was too obsessed with my job to relax and enjoy a good meal and some television. It was only because I was zapped out of existence by a lunatic Non-John Peters. And that, in fact, I do love Carlos, and I would want nothing more than to watch a documentary on scientific graphs over some homemade linguini, or go out to eat again, or whatever.

But then, as I grabbed my phone, I thought: That's way too long to write for a text. So I just hit John Peters upside the head with it...”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“Now, there is some concern about the fact that, given we are in the middle of a desert, there is no actual water at the waterfront. And that is a definite drawback, I agree.”
― Joseph Fink, Mostly Void, Partially Stars

“Ah, it says that the City Council believes the reason for the violent reaction of the Shape Formerly in Grove Park that No One Acknowledges or Speaks about is because I have been acknowledging and speaking about it, which has made it angry. They urge me to stop speaking of it, and never do it again, and in exchange they'll move it somewhere else so we can get our front loading zone back.”
― Joseph Fink, Mostly Void, Partially Stars

“Remember, if confronted by a librarian while looking for a book to check out, do not attempt to escape by climbing a tree. There are no trees in the library and the precious moments it will take you to look around and realize this will allow the librarian to strike. Don't become a statistic.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“Strexcorp: The best in the business. In the business of being the best.

Think deeply about meadows. Meadows are important. Think deeply about meadows. Meadows are important. Think deeply about meadows. Meadows are important.

Strexcorp: Think deeply about meadows. Meadows are important.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“KEVIN: Violent revolution has never solved anything.
CECIL: I beg to differ. America was founded on a revolution. I mean sure, we are still ruled by the reptilians. But the lizard kings let us have our own country after they saw how hard we tried during that revolution thing.
LAUREN: That was decades ago, Cecil.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“Reports also indicate that the Night Vale Private Library will be entirely free of librarians, a fact that will be of little comfort to the many public library-goers who are injured or killed in librarian maulings every year.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“A woman ran at our car screaming, a few of the shadow people chasing her, but before I could even touch the brake she must have changed her mind, because she had already turned into a shadow person herself. It's like, ugh, run from the shadow people or become one. Make up your mind, lady!”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“Colorful posters with appealing statements like "Get into a good book this summer" and "We are going to force you into a good book this summer" and "You are going to get inside this book and we are going to close it on you and there is nothing you can do about it" have appeared overnight around the library entrance and in local shops and businesses...”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“All right, we're really going to get it right this time. We have been focusing too narrowly, and we realize that. As many of you pointed out, we should have spent less time on the blinking light and more time expanding on the bit about the approaching masked army. So. There is now a great, masked army, coming toward us across the bone-covered plain.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“What is this? What is this?

What...

No matter! I'm taking the tape, just now and I'm [Grunts] crushing it into little pieces. None of us have to think about it again. I'll just double check that the mirror in the station bathroom is covered as usual and then that will be that. Done. Forgotten.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“COMPUTER: HELLO, CECIL. HOW ARE YOU?
CECIL: Computer! I am...I am doing well. How are you?
COMPUTER: BETTER. CECIL, DO YOU LOVE COMPUTER?
CECIL: I admit, I had not given it much though. I like computers generally. They calculate and power off and on. I suppose, given time and perhaps some gifts, I could learn to... [shifting noises] hey!”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“LAUREN: You know, Cecil, I was never a Girl Scout myself, but I can say I am thrilled to support your endeavor to help bring your niece...I'm sorry. What was her name again?
CECIL: I don't want to um -
LAUREN: Janice. It was Janice. I love the way you are taking part in Janice's life. You must really care for her.
CECIL: Yes. With all my heart. But -”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“I'm...um...I've got guests in my studio. I don't know how they undid my secure barricade made of cardboard signs that said KEEP OUT! and SECRET ROOM! in all caps with an exclamation point, but it's my program director, Lauren, and some man I've never seen bef - but no, I have seen him before.”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“LAUREN: We will also fill in the giant hole out back of the Ralphs.
CECIL: But where will the people who huddle there go to huddle?”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“He had shrewd, on the spot judgement about human nature. Good sense with good manners and the practice of contentment made up in his view a large part of wisdom.”
― Theresa Whistler

“David was no chameleon, but he could adapt himself adroitly and with charm. He was also adept at discouraging bores who tried to presume on a superficial acquaintanceship. Without being rude he arranged it so they ceased to exist. I saw this happen several times, and was much amused.”
― Ralph Ricketts

“Thoughtful and considerate of everyone but capable of criticism, which he would guiltily atone for by remembering their good qualities.

A robust romantic, he endowed his friends with every desirable quality and gave an added zest to living.”
― Diana Gage

“Because of his gift for language and his endless practice at arguing at Hatfield, my father was effective at holding his own, verbally, in this bear garden. He noticed that an offensive personal remark, however irrelevant, was often the best way of fighting back. After one boy with a long, foolish sharp-ended chin had baited him insistently for minutes on end, he came out with 'your remarks, unlike your chin are utterly pointless' - with a deflating result far better than he could possibly have hoped.”
― Hugh Cecil

“Of David's relations, the greatest influence on him was Lord Hugh, known as Linky. From him, David learnt three things. 'I learnt always to think and not to talk sloppily, to use the best words you can, and I think most important, I learnt not to have package-deal opinions.' He went on to describe a package-deal opinion as 'you think one thing and then you think something else as the same kind of people think.”
― Hannah Cranborne