edith > Books: stalker-in-the-shadows‎ (28)

My girl had forgotten how she was supposed to be treated. She’d forgotten who she was. That was okay because I was going to remind her. She would l

My girl had forgotten how she was supposed to be treated. She’d forgotten who she was. That was okay because I was going to remind her. She would live like a queen by my side, so long as she didn’t fight the collar I would leash her with.

“I know it’s wrong, honey, but I can’t breathe if I don’t

“I know it’s wrong, honey, but I can’t breathe if I don’t watch you every second of the day. You’re my everything.” He pulls in a shuddering breath before continuing, “Maybe I’m too obsessive, but I can’t help it. I swear to you I’d never harm a hair on your head. All I want to do is take care of you, protect you from everything. I’ll give you anything you want. But I need you completely. I need your continual presence in my life. I’m not one of the those guys who can go halfway. It’s got to be everything for me.”

I almost chuckle– almost– before I realize he’s doing it again. Using his smile, his charm, to disarm me. And it’s working. He doesn’t look like a killer when he’s standing across the room, trading quips with me. But he is, I tell myself.

“This feels different than I thought it would,” he says. “What feels different?” “Opening up to someone,” he explains, “I’ve only ever seen vulnerability as a tool. A weakness I can wield against someone when I need to. I didn’t realize it could feel…” He pauses like he can’t find the word– or maybe just doesn’t want to say it out loud. “Nice.”

“You know, this thing we’re doing right now?” I say. “Pretty sure it’s called human connection.” A breathy laugh escapes him. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m not sure I’m capable of human connection.” I pointedly ignore the endearment as I raise an eyebrow. “Well, you’re connecting with me right now.” When he looks at me again, I don’t find any amusement or playfulness in his stare– but something entirely new. Interest. Not curiosity but interest. Pure, unadulterated interest that makes my breath catch. “Yes, I suppose I am connecting with you,” he murmurs, and I find myself unable to look away from him. Something is happening here. Something big. Something new. I feel it all the way down to my gut.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he teases. “You were very adamant about his amazing performance. Said you couldn’t take your eyes off him.” The truth comes bubbling out of me. “I wasn’t watching Cam. I have no idea how he raced or if he was amazing. I just said those things to mess with you.” The moisture of my hand has my fingers slipping through his, so I dig my nails into his palm. “Please– just pull me out!” “You sound desperate,” he muses, but makes no effort to.

So what was it about her that had that effect on me? There was no logical explanation for this obsession, but I’d found a word for it online. Limerence: a state of involuntary obsession for another person. Symptoms included obsessive thoughts about that person, a strong desire for reciprocation, and an idealized image of the object of one’s obsession—I had them all.

Nero grasps my jaw and hisses in my ear, “Locking me out of my own house. Avoiding me. Talking about me behind my back. Have you forgotten who your husband is? Do you think you’re another man’s wife? You need reminding who you belong to, my pretty little whore.”

“Would you? Say you’ll do anything for me.” “I’ll do anything for you. I’ll crawl on my knees. Sit at your feet and beg. Ask you to slap me and call me names. It’s what I deserve.” A wicked smile spreads over his face. “That’s right, my beautiful girl. Now, come for me.”

I would see his brutality unleashed on many people over the coming years, regardless of their sex, age or physical ability. It didn’t matte

I would see his brutality unleashed on many people over the coming years, regardless of their sex, age or physical ability. It didn’t matter. I wondered if getting beaten or having your tongue cut out was just run of the mill for his women. I would later see that he never abused anyone for the sake of abuse. He didn’t enjoy it. It didn’t please him to hurt people, but he never seemed to show any kind of remorse when he did. As far as he was concerned, they got what they asked for. They knew the consequences of defying him in even the slightest way. In all the years I spent with Grizz, only once did I ever hear a word of regret from him.

Some said, “Yeah, an eyeball does make a sizzling sound like bacon frying.” Others said, “No, it don’t sound nothing like it.” But they all agreed on one thing. It was hard to tell for sure what kind of sound they heard over Monster’s shrieks of pain.

That night I slept with the tiny kitten curled up against my chest. Like every night I’d been there, I slept on top of the covers of an extremely comfortable king- sized bed. Grizz’s bed. He slept on top of the covers, too, in his T- shirt and jeans. Our backs almost touched. Every morning when I woke up, I would find a blanket draped over me.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” I asked, realization dawning. “You were the reason Matthew broke off our friendship.” Grizz clenched his jaw, not looking at me. “He was becoming too interested in you. Have you been with him? That kid. Did you do anything with him?” “Not that it’s any of your business, but no. We never got beyond the kiss on my porch.” “Good thing for him.” “Why’s that?” “Because I told him if I ever found out he touched you, I would go back and cut his balls off.”

“It’s a quiet place,” Brendan says from behind me. Of course he’s behind me— we’re chained together, after all. “Can’t hear anything here but the bubbling water and a couple of cheeky birds. Spend a little time here, it’s like your spirit dissolves into the ether. You become one with the air and the water.”

“I tested the chloroform on myself,” he says. “I mean, I was trying to knock you out, not kill you.” He is clearly totally insane. “Water was always easier to keep down afterward.” “You did it more than once?” “Four times.” He shrugs like it’s nothing, and then offers me the water bottle with an emphatic gesture. “Drink!” It’s not a request.

“Where I grew up, might makes right, and here, that’s me, not you. Sorry.” He pushes himself up from the bench and looks down at me. “I know how hard this is for you.” Hard? “I’ll do everything I can to make it more bearable. When you’re angry, be angry. When you’re sad, be sad. I’m not going to forbid you to have feelings. I can handle them until things get better. If you think you want to spit on me or whatever, then do it, but don’t overdo it. There’s only one thing I absolutely forbid you from trying.” Every second I spend listening to him talk is making me more confused and agitated. “What’s that?” “Escaping.” That word is my only hope, and he snaps it in such a steely voice that it’s like the sound alone is enough to break every bone in my body.

“When the lake by the cabin freezes, you can hear it singing itself to sleep. For days on end, these haunting melodies fill the cove— like whale song, like a giant blowing across glass bottles. And then these high, crystalline glass- harp tones... and noises like enormous water droplets falling onto the floor of a cave. And the fog is an army of ghosts dancing across the ice in time to the music, and the wolves howl in the background.”

“Didn’t you ever have friends? Or a girl you liked?” “Relationships leave you vulnerable to abandonment. I can’t stand being abandoned, so I put up walls.” “But you don’t have them up around me?” I open his fingers, and the gravel tumbles to the ground. His empty hand lies there stiffly between mine like a dead man’s, like maybe he’s afraid to move it. “No,” he whispers. “Why not?” I whisper back. “Because I made sure you can’t leave me, so I don’t have to protect myself as much. The minute I saw you, everything was different. It was like I could see things through your eyes... life and stuff, I mean. You were a ray of sunshine in a dark cave.”

“I wouldn’t kidnap you, I wouldn’t drug you... I wouldn’t touch you... but it’s too late, I can’t go back. I don’t want to lose you. Especially not now that I’ve gotten to know you. At first I just hoped you could make me happy. Now I know you do.”

It’s just how it was back then. The first time. Bren glances over at me, and the red sunlight dances in his eyes. I remember the question I saw in those eyes a year ago, the one he was only asking me in his heart. Do you want this? I know the answer now.