Paul Bryant's Reviews > Gone Girl
Gone Girl
by
AMY DUNNE
I am Amy. I’m so perfect you may want to puke. It’s okay, I have that effect on everyone, even my parents. They noticed I was so perfect when I was a little girl and so they wrote some vastly popular children’s books called The Adventures of Amazing Amy. You may have been given them to read in school, and you may have puked on them. I am so self-regarding I can’t pass a mirror without congratulating it that it’s reflecting me and not somebody else. I forgot to mention that I have a perfect figure and everybody wants to be my friend. I lived in New York but because I got let go now I have to live with my husband in one of those other states. I forgot its name.
NICK DUNNE
I am Nick, husband of Amy. I am a six foot something book reading slab of pure thinking woman’s hunkaceousness. Is that a word? Hey, it is now. I got let go from my job in New York as a writer – yeah, I know. And now I got let go from the job of Amy’s husband because she’s disappeared.
P BRYANT
Why am I reading this?
OFF-STAGE VOICE
Is it because you like to read popular thrillers from time to time to curry favour with the voters of your obsessional booky website?
P BRYANT
Well, really...
AMY DUNNE
I love Nick.
NICK DUNNE
I love Amy.
AMY DUNNE
Although he can be a bastard at times.
NICK DUNNE
Although she can be a stuck-up bloodyminded princess most of the time.
AMY DUNNE
I hate Nick.
NICK DUNNE
I hate Amy.
P BRYANT
Pass me the sick bag.
NICK DUNNE
Where is Amy? Oh where oh where can she be? Did I say she like just disappeared and shit? It’s why this book is called GONE GIRL and not THE REALLY IRRITATING COUPLE.
P BRYANT
I don’t care where Amy Dunne has gone. If she’s never heard from again, that’s okay with me. But for what it’s worth, I have a few theories.
1. Kidnapped by aliens. Although you’d have thought they’d have thrown her straight back.
2. She’s had plastic surgery and is now the middle Madonna (Vogue era) in a Madonna tribute band.
3. Nick killed her, even if he says he didn’t, the liar. And ate her.
4. Amy killed Nick and is pulling off a fabulous feat of transgender impersonation until page 322 when all will be revealed. And ate him.
5. There never was an Amy. So she’s still here! (Pretty deep, that one.)
6. Just like in that Agatha Christie book, THEY ALL KILLED HER! And ate her. It wasn’t chicken in that basket.
Well, I’ll never know. But that’s okay.
by
AMY DUNNE
I am Amy. I’m so perfect you may want to puke. It’s okay, I have that effect on everyone, even my parents. They noticed I was so perfect when I was a little girl and so they wrote some vastly popular children’s books called The Adventures of Amazing Amy. You may have been given them to read in school, and you may have puked on them. I am so self-regarding I can’t pass a mirror without congratulating it that it’s reflecting me and not somebody else. I forgot to mention that I have a perfect figure and everybody wants to be my friend. I lived in New York but because I got let go now I have to live with my husband in one of those other states. I forgot its name.
NICK DUNNE
I am Nick, husband of Amy. I am a six foot something book reading slab of pure thinking woman’s hunkaceousness. Is that a word? Hey, it is now. I got let go from my job in New York as a writer – yeah, I know. And now I got let go from the job of Amy’s husband because she’s disappeared.
P BRYANT
Why am I reading this?
OFF-STAGE VOICE
Is it because you like to read popular thrillers from time to time to curry favour with the voters of your obsessional booky website?
P BRYANT
Well, really...
AMY DUNNE
I love Nick.
NICK DUNNE
I love Amy.
AMY DUNNE
Although he can be a bastard at times.
NICK DUNNE
Although she can be a stuck-up bloodyminded princess most of the time.
AMY DUNNE
I hate Nick.
NICK DUNNE
I hate Amy.
P BRYANT
Pass me the sick bag.
NICK DUNNE
Where is Amy? Oh where oh where can she be? Did I say she like just disappeared and shit? It’s why this book is called GONE GIRL and not THE REALLY IRRITATING COUPLE.
P BRYANT
I don’t care where Amy Dunne has gone. If she’s never heard from again, that’s okay with me. But for what it’s worth, I have a few theories.
1. Kidnapped by aliens. Although you’d have thought they’d have thrown her straight back.
2. She’s had plastic surgery and is now the middle Madonna (Vogue era) in a Madonna tribute band.
3. Nick killed her, even if he says he didn’t, the liar. And ate her.
4. Amy killed Nick and is pulling off a fabulous feat of transgender impersonation until page 322 when all will be revealed. And ate him.
5. There never was an Amy. So she’s still here! (Pretty deep, that one.)
6. Just like in that Agatha Christie book, THEY ALL KILLED HER! And ate her. It wasn’t chicken in that basket.
Well, I’ll never know. But that’s okay.
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Reading Progress
December 31, 2013
– Shelved as:
to-read-novels
December 31, 2013
– Shelved
March 7, 2014
–
Started Reading
March 16, 2014
– Shelved as:
i-bet-i-never-finish-these
March 16, 2014
– Shelved as:
i-bet-i-never-finish-these
March 16, 2014
– Shelved as:
abandoned
March 16, 2014
– Shelved as:
novels
March 16, 2014
–
Finished Reading
June 7, 2014
– Shelved as:
abandoned
Comments Showing 1-50 of 320 (320 new)
message 1:
by
Praj
(new)
Mar 16, 2014 07:51AM
In a weird way it satisfies me that you rated this book 1-star.
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I am glad this book was written. Because if it wasn't, there wouldn't have been this highly enjoyable, laugh-aloud review.
Wasn't planning to read this, but I sure enjoyed the review! Laughed out loud at the end of a Monday - thanks!!!
I can't quite put my finger on why, but I sort of pick up this subtly disappointed vibe, like you're too polite to say so but you didn't enjoy it as much as all these people who were raving about the book a couple of years ago and comparing it with Jan Kjærstad and stuff. Am I, you know, way off target here?
Well, I was enjoying it pretty much, but I thought it petered out a bit after page three. So that was quite disappointing.
I have three coworkers who all had wildly different reactions to this one (roughly: loved it; hated it; ok but hated the ending). Still might read it, I keep wavering on that. But I can recommend Ms. Flynn's Dark Places wholeheartedly, in a fivestarsbrilliantlovedit way.
Oh, I hated Time Traveller's Wife. The ending had me in tears... of laughter. Plus, that tosh about the woman who woke up each day with no memory.
Hey, go Susan! I hated the Time Travellers Wife too(and, come to that, AN's 2nd book about the twins), hated Gone Girl but most of all I hated Watson's - what was it called? Something like Before I go to Sleep? - utter rubbish. Oo, that was fun. Lots of evaporating steam and hatred!
Yes, Before I Go To Sleep. Well, go to sleep then and don't wake up again! I had to finish it for a book group read and then I hated it so much that I actually had Amazon remove it from my kindle - a sort of detached "ripping it up!"
Susan wrote: "Have not read this book, but I bet the review is better!"
Ha ha. I was thinking the same.
Good one, Paul.
Ha ha. I was thinking the same.
Good one, Paul.
Susan wrote: ::applause:: Sounds like my reaction to The Time Traveller's Wife.
I disliked that one as well... never did figure out what the hype was. Glad to have company!
I disliked that one as well... never did figure out what the hype was. Glad to have company!
That's why I love Goodreads! So glad to know I'm not only one who thought BIGTS was load of rubbish. One of most tedious books ever! Read it as thought good to see what was selling so well - but reinforced truth that some really huge bestsellers aren't necessarily good books!
Uhoh! I just ordered it from the
local library. Maybe I better
rethink it, doesn't sound at all
like my type of book. I hate
perfect people!!
local library. Maybe I better
rethink it, doesn't sound at all
like my type of book. I hate
perfect people!!
I guess what happens in the part of the book I didn't read is that the perfect people get all tore down and made to regret their perfectitude; but it was asking too much for me to stick around and get my kicks like that.
I like your review but I like the book too even though they more than deserved each other and I would have preferred if she remained kidnapped by her crazy ex boyfriend.
Paul wrote: "many people do"
I am one of them. -- My standard argument for doing so is: If someone poops onto your plate, you don't have to finish your plate to know it is shit. A small taste will do.
I am one of them. -- My standard argument for doing so is: If someone poops onto your plate, you don't have to finish your plate to know it is shit. A small taste will do.
God forbid someone poops on someone's plate.....
Another writer with creepy characters in his books is Koch who wrote The Dinner and his latest which is Summer House with Swimming Pool.......
Another writer with creepy characters in his books is Koch who wrote The Dinner and his latest which is Summer House with Swimming Pool.......
Kathy wrote: "God forbid someone poops on someone's plate.....
Another writer with creepy characters in his books is Koch who wrote The Dinner and his latest which is Summer House with Swimming Pool......."
:-)
Another writer with creepy characters in his books is Koch who wrote The Dinner and his latest which is Summer House with Swimming Pool......."
:-)
I too don't rate books I haven't finished. As the wife of an author who works incredibly hard I feel it would be unfair of me to condemn something I haven't completed. If I don't like a book I'm free to put it down!
Judith wrote: "I too don't rate books I haven't finished. As the wife of an author who works incredibly hard I feel it would be unfair of me to condemn something I haven't completed. If I don't like a book I'm fr..."
I am an author, myself. Yet I grant every reader the right to write an unfavorable review if he/she is annoyed with any of my books, after reading only a part of it.
Time is valuable. Readers' time is also valuable. I think it is absolutely justified to warn other readers to waste valuable time on a book that I, as a reader, find bad enough to toss. It is up to other readers how much they will value or heed such warning. Nobody is going to stop them to go out and buy and read the book if they wish to do so.
I think it is fair enough when the reviewer mentions that he/she hasn't finished reading the book.
Readers of review can also inform themselves about the reviewer. I, for my part, know Paul well enough (after reading many of this reviews) that I know I can trust his judgement. If, on the other hand, a religious fundamentalist condemned a book that was critical on religion, I would not be discouraged to read the book (regardless whether or not the reviewer had finished the book). I would react likewise if a fervent atheist condemned a book because its author assumed that a higher entity exists.
I expect reviewers to state WHY they like or dislike a book, and most of them do. It is really not necessary to suffer through the whole length of a book when you can already tell by reading parts of the book that and why you don't like it.
Would I have to read the whole of "Mein Kampf" if I already felt nauseated after reading 5 pages? Do I have the right to condemn "Mein Kampf" after reading only 5 pages? Yes, I do! Because reading the first 5 pages was all I needed to judge the book and its author.
I could give many other examples that one can form a solid opinion on something (doesn't necessarily have to be a book) upon sampling. At auditions, bad singers, dancers, or actors will hear a "Thank you! That's enough." before they have finished their performance. A restaurant reviewer will not eat through the whole menu (most likely, won't even finish a single dish) before rating the restaurant when the first few bites are disappointing. And an applicant for a job as a secretary won't get the chance to complete the full test when the first 5 minutes show that she is unable to type with 10 fingers, has no manners, and/or hasn't got a clue about spelling or grammar.
I am an author, myself. Yet I grant every reader the right to write an unfavorable review if he/she is annoyed with any of my books, after reading only a part of it.
Time is valuable. Readers' time is also valuable. I think it is absolutely justified to warn other readers to waste valuable time on a book that I, as a reader, find bad enough to toss. It is up to other readers how much they will value or heed such warning. Nobody is going to stop them to go out and buy and read the book if they wish to do so.
I think it is fair enough when the reviewer mentions that he/she hasn't finished reading the book.
Readers of review can also inform themselves about the reviewer. I, for my part, know Paul well enough (after reading many of this reviews) that I know I can trust his judgement. If, on the other hand, a religious fundamentalist condemned a book that was critical on religion, I would not be discouraged to read the book (regardless whether or not the reviewer had finished the book). I would react likewise if a fervent atheist condemned a book because its author assumed that a higher entity exists.
I expect reviewers to state WHY they like or dislike a book, and most of them do. It is really not necessary to suffer through the whole length of a book when you can already tell by reading parts of the book that and why you don't like it.
Would I have to read the whole of "Mein Kampf" if I already felt nauseated after reading 5 pages? Do I have the right to condemn "Mein Kampf" after reading only 5 pages? Yes, I do! Because reading the first 5 pages was all I needed to judge the book and its author.
I could give many other examples that one can form a solid opinion on something (doesn't necessarily have to be a book) upon sampling. At auditions, bad singers, dancers, or actors will hear a "Thank you! That's enough." before they have finished their performance. A restaurant reviewer will not eat through the whole menu (most likely, won't even finish a single dish) before rating the restaurant when the first few bites are disappointing. And an applicant for a job as a secretary won't get the chance to complete the full test when the first 5 minutes show that she is unable to type with 10 fingers, has no manners, and/or hasn't got a clue about spelling or grammar.
Your review just made my day, thanks for the antidote. Had read 5 pages of this book, couldn't take it any further.
Sorry, but if you had continued, you would have had a VERY different opinion of this book...next time try to give it more of a chance before rushing to a (WRONG) opinion of what is going on with the book
I'm sure there is room for different opinions here, after all, it's a really popular book, but I was just thinking life was too short for Amy and Nick to take any more of it up. Older I get more impatient I am. Soon I'll just be reading haiku. And giving most of them up after the first line.
Paul wrote: "Soon I'll just be reading haiku. And giving most of them up after the first line."
Gone Girl (a haiku)
Amy was perfect
...
Gone Girl (a haiku)
Amy was perfect
...
As usual,Paul, you gave a great review - I liked the book more than you did. I kept reading trying to figure out how seemingly intelligent people can keep making such dumb mistakes (although I am related to a smart person who does dumb things - maybe I was trying to understand him!). But, Paul, you always entertain me. I have it more stars than you did and understood more after my book club discussed it. Keep up the fine work!
If I stayed awake Mrs K it might have concluded
Amy was perfect
Whether she remained so is
Another matter
or
Amy was perfect
But then, so is cheese on toast
So it's not that hard
Thanks Peacejanz... I will try...
Amy was perfect
Whether she remained so is
Another matter
or
Amy was perfect
But then, so is cheese on toast
So it's not that hard
Thanks Peacejanz... I will try...
Ha! ...and PB, I'll take that as tacit consent to finish a whole haiku.
Amy good, Nick bad,
or the other way around?
I don't fucking care!
I hated this book.
Why not slug them both?
Let God sort them out.
Amy good, Nick bad,
or the other way around?
Let God sort them out.