Wikipedia:Peer review/A Space for the Unbound/archive1
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Lead paragraph:
A Space for the Unbound is an Indonesian adventure video game developed by Mojiken Studio and published by Toge Productions. It was released on January 19, 2023, for Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Windows, Xbox One, and Xbox Series X/S. The game is set in the late 1990s and follows Atma and his girlfriend Raya, who live in a suburban area in Indonesia, as they explore their newly attained magical abilities and deal with supernatural powers that threaten their existence.
The sections Gameplay, Development, and Reception each contain 2-3 paragraphs, which I can't gauge whether it's comprehensive for a non-player. For the Plot, I reduced it to less than 700 words (691 words), so I wanted to see whether the plot summary is satisfactory.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to see how someone who hasn't played the game can improve it. Being promoted to a B-list article can do for me, but I'd like to see points on bringing it to A or above.
Thanks, RFNirmala (talk) 04:02, 3 September 2024 (UTC)
Toadspike
[edit]- The plot length is technically okay (under the 700-word style guide limit) but it could be condensed a little more – I gave an example on Discord.
- "He wanted to highlight his personal experience of growing up in 1990s Indonesia" and "Dimas said that it was his goal to preserve his memories as an Indonesian growing up in the 1990s in the game" are a bit repetitive. You could combine these into one sentence.
- "Dimas and the rest of the development team consulted professionals". You should specify what kind of professional – I'm assuming psychological or psychiatric professionals. You can also shorten "Dimas and the rest of the development team" by a lot, probably to just "The developers".
- You used a hyphen in the plot summary, which I have replaced with a colon. An en dash or em dash would also have been okay. Outside of specific phrases like "point-and-click", you should basically never use hyphens as punctuation – use en dashes or em dashes instead. Details at MOS:HYPHEN and MOS:DASH. Toadspike [Talk] 08:57, 21 October 2024 (UTC)
- Did (1), (2), and (3). Problem is, I can't find a specific for the professionals so far, so I assumed psychiatric professionals. In the Jakarta Post interview, the professionals statement was a quote. I also modified the paragraph in Development to do (2) "He wanted to highlight..." RFNirmala (talk) 10:31, 21 October 2024 (UTC)
I have added this article to Template:FAC peer review sidebar. Please consider reviewing other articles listed there. dxneo (talk) 17:39, 27 September 2024 (UTC)
